Christmas aftermath
This year I tried to do a "no waste" Christmas by making gifts for people and asking only for thrift store purchases or for stuff my relatives had around their house. It was surprisingly successful, and I received a lot of things that I'm going to use for craft projects like this one: old Cds and a popcorn tin to hold my socks. My aunt Debbie gave me some laundry soap she bought but didn't like, and some old sheets; my aunt Jacque helped me dye some slipcovers for my futon; my parents gave me some thrift-store paintings that I can gesso over and use them as canvas, as well as a new backpack to replace the one that was stolen.
I've always associated gift-giving holidays with extreme guilt and shame - I'm a lousy gift-giver, I never seem to pick anything that people like, and I hate the anticipation that builds up around these gifts that are invariably a disappointment to the recipient. Therefore I would rather not receive presents so that I don't have to give presents. Or, rather, I'd rather give people stuff randomly during the year, things that I found or made so that it's not a big deal if they hate it.
My last serious boyfriend, Eli, was one of those people who is GREAT at giving gifts. Christmases and my birthdays were met with dozens of perfectly chosen presents - one year on my birthday I came home to find my entire apartment webbed with twine, with little packages hanging off. I felt like such a jerk when he clearly didn't like the gifts I gave him. He wouldn't say anything, to avoid hurting my feelings, but (for example) the chess set I got him for Christmas our first year together sat in a corner getting dusty for the rest of our relationship. The only things I ever gave him that didn't have guilt attached was the hoodie I pulled out of the lost-and-found and a painting that he asked if he could have.
One thing I really like about Marc is that he has the same issues with Christmas that I do. His mom was extremely controlling and used generosity as a weapon - he would receive things "on condition" of going to church or doing chores, and later she would bring up the present as an example of why he was spoiled or selfish. And then he would be made to feel guilty for not getting HER something more thoughtful.
So once again, neither of us got the other anything for Christmas, and it makes me feel SO much better.
I've always associated gift-giving holidays with extreme guilt and shame - I'm a lousy gift-giver, I never seem to pick anything that people like, and I hate the anticipation that builds up around these gifts that are invariably a disappointment to the recipient. Therefore I would rather not receive presents so that I don't have to give presents. Or, rather, I'd rather give people stuff randomly during the year, things that I found or made so that it's not a big deal if they hate it.
My last serious boyfriend, Eli, was one of those people who is GREAT at giving gifts. Christmases and my birthdays were met with dozens of perfectly chosen presents - one year on my birthday I came home to find my entire apartment webbed with twine, with little packages hanging off. I felt like such a jerk when he clearly didn't like the gifts I gave him. He wouldn't say anything, to avoid hurting my feelings, but (for example) the chess set I got him for Christmas our first year together sat in a corner getting dusty for the rest of our relationship. The only things I ever gave him that didn't have guilt attached was the hoodie I pulled out of the lost-and-found and a painting that he asked if he could have.
One thing I really like about Marc is that he has the same issues with Christmas that I do. His mom was extremely controlling and used generosity as a weapon - he would receive things "on condition" of going to church or doing chores, and later she would bring up the present as an example of why he was spoiled or selfish. And then he would be made to feel guilty for not getting HER something more thoughtful.
So once again, neither of us got the other anything for Christmas, and it makes me feel SO much better.