[Locked from kim_legaspi]
I sure was confident when I wrote my last entry. The situation seems a whole lot different now that I'm on the other side of physical therapy. Sort of...empty? Finished. Before there was a goal, something to work for. Now it's simply...life.
I'm relieved that the pain is gone and that I have near complete range of motion (which seems to improve almost daily), but... along with the pain and the crutch went a piece of myself that I will never get back. Giving up something you've always known, a part of yourself, is scary. You can't miss what you've never had. Few people realize or understand that unless they've gone through it.
The bitch of it all is that I don't know what the hell to do with my hands. It sounds rather stupid, but it's true. I'm so goddamned fidgety. I can't rest my hand on my crutch when I'm sitting, and of course it isn't there when I'm walking. Do the hands go in the pockets, stay clasped together? down at my sides? I'm not really asking, of course, just wondering aloud.
Knowing that Dr. Legaspi is scheduled to be in town this week is another issue altogether. The fact that I haven't kept her up-to-date on the events of the past five years, let alone responded to her request to meet with me, does not bode well.
I'm relieved that the pain is gone and that I have near complete range of motion (which seems to improve almost daily), but... along with the pain and the crutch went a piece of myself that I will never get back. Giving up something you've always known, a part of yourself, is scary. You can't miss what you've never had. Few people realize or understand that unless they've gone through it.
The bitch of it all is that I don't know what the hell to do with my hands. It sounds rather stupid, but it's true. I'm so goddamned fidgety. I can't rest my hand on my crutch when I'm sitting, and of course it isn't there when I'm walking. Do the hands go in the pockets, stay clasped together? down at my sides? I'm not really asking, of course, just wondering aloud.
Knowing that Dr. Legaspi is scheduled to be in town this week is another issue altogether. The fact that I haven't kept her up-to-date on the events of the past five years, let alone responded to her request to meet with me, does not bode well.