Adding fuel to the backstory fire.
Figured I'd pop in with my rendition of my contributions to the KW-Verse, since things seem to be kinda dead around here lately through no fault of any body. Here's my disclaimer though:
I am in no way any kind of writer. I get paid to interpret what other people have written, not make it up myself. Just keep that in mind.
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I've been told that I am a natural in my line of work. While other are having problems even understanding some of the more obscure ways and means of the internet and its inhabitants, I can move smoothly from world to world with little to no slip-ups. I suppose that's why B.G. hired me on his team in the first place. He needed someone who could get inside and get information in a smooth way, instead of going in guns blazing or with the silent assassination skills of the ninja in his employ. He needed someone to get information and still remain friendly to the prey, so that they could be bled again at some further time. And that's why he needed me to infiltrate the Fashion Police.
I've been on some tough assignments before, blending in with the Magic the Gathering Group isn't as easy as you may think it is. (At least not without killing someone for grabbing you inappropriately cause they have no skills with women at all.) That's where E. comes in. E. is a good friend of mine, who happens to specialize in makeup and facial "restructuring" as she calls it. I have no idea what that means. All I know is that 14 hours and 3 trips to the store after I received my assignment I had gone from being a punk-rock redhead (red the color of the stop sign I routinely beat The 'Fax over the head with), to a tall, buxom and very spacey blonde, wearing a black vinyl mini-skirt and black stockings which were housed by 3 inches of wooden sandaly heel, and a bright pink top with the words "Party Time" emblazoned in sparkles on the chest. Needless to say I was highly uncomfortable, but being the professional that I am I sucked it up and went on with the job.
The job this time was to get information from the highest authority, Heather, the Leader of the Fashion Squad.
She was the only one who could get me the information that I needed, who their next target was, when they were planning to strike, what their usual movement patterns were, and would any of them be willing to cosplay as a skunk woman. (I just do what B.G. tells me to.)
I started my search the way I usually do, by rounding up information, mostly to find where my quarry is hiding. This one turned out to be a little difficult, since the people I was hunting had no short term memory, or any brain functions at all. But once I recruited Shadow and her wicked serrated 6 inch spring trigger release blade, I was on the right path. And into 5.7.9 I went.
Things started out rather dull. I would go into the store about twice a week, usually looking a lot more than actually shopping. I identified Heather as the manager, and started asking her for clothing advice. This got me right in. I started being asked to hang out with the whole Squad after the place closed. I would go out with them and we would crash the Emo servers, dying people's hair blonde and putting colors into their clothes. While I had to admit this was kind of funny, I wanted to get this mission over as fast as possible. I could feel my brain cells crying each time I said "OMG looK at da fuZZZZZZy SWEATWRS!!!!" It was enought make a hardened veteran sick to her stomach.
Finally I made my move. It was about 2 weeks before B.G. needed his info and I was ready to get the fuck out of Barbie hell. I walked into the store at around closing time, as I always did, and made the announcement "OMG MY BF JUST PROPOSED!!!!" I was immediately deafened by the screaming of the girls and after we had done the obligatory dancing about like retards at the school dance thing, I settled in to strike. "So H-diddy, like when can we go shoppin for our dresses like? You gals er like TOTALLY BRIDESMAIDS!" And then it happened. She took out her planner, the one I had never seen, the one she protected more than anything other than her new cherry lip balm. And she just started reading out of it. All the the next months movements, who they were planning on going after, where, and what colors they were thinking would go best with their composure's. I quickly turned on my palm pilot and started writing away furiously. When she was done I told her I would get back to her when I could get off of work so we all could go. There was a lot more screaming and some liberal amounts of kissing (though I usually don't kiss and tell) and then it was time to leave. But just so I could make sure I finished my assignment to the letter I asked, " so do like any Of you gals like skunky animals???..." Most of the girls didn't know what a skunk was, but Haley stood in the corner and blushed ever so slightly. I made a note to give the info to B.G. He would be very pleased indeed.
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I was also thinking of maybe starting my own column, but since the only thing I really know anything about is theater and musicals, I was thinking of doing a "Best and Worst Things About Theater" type of thing. Anyone think that's a good idea?
I am in no way any kind of writer. I get paid to interpret what other people have written, not make it up myself. Just keep that in mind.
***************************************************************************************************************************
I've been told that I am a natural in my line of work. While other are having problems even understanding some of the more obscure ways and means of the internet and its inhabitants, I can move smoothly from world to world with little to no slip-ups. I suppose that's why B.G. hired me on his team in the first place. He needed someone who could get inside and get information in a smooth way, instead of going in guns blazing or with the silent assassination skills of the ninja in his employ. He needed someone to get information and still remain friendly to the prey, so that they could be bled again at some further time. And that's why he needed me to infiltrate the Fashion Police.
I've been on some tough assignments before, blending in with the Magic the Gathering Group isn't as easy as you may think it is. (At least not without killing someone for grabbing you inappropriately cause they have no skills with women at all.) That's where E. comes in. E. is a good friend of mine, who happens to specialize in makeup and facial "restructuring" as she calls it. I have no idea what that means. All I know is that 14 hours and 3 trips to the store after I received my assignment I had gone from being a punk-rock redhead (red the color of the stop sign I routinely beat The 'Fax over the head with), to a tall, buxom and very spacey blonde, wearing a black vinyl mini-skirt and black stockings which were housed by 3 inches of wooden sandaly heel, and a bright pink top with the words "Party Time" emblazoned in sparkles on the chest. Needless to say I was highly uncomfortable, but being the professional that I am I sucked it up and went on with the job.
The job this time was to get information from the highest authority, Heather, the Leader of the Fashion Squad.
She was the only one who could get me the information that I needed, who their next target was, when they were planning to strike, what their usual movement patterns were, and would any of them be willing to cosplay as a skunk woman. (I just do what B.G. tells me to.)
I started my search the way I usually do, by rounding up information, mostly to find where my quarry is hiding. This one turned out to be a little difficult, since the people I was hunting had no short term memory, or any brain functions at all. But once I recruited Shadow and her wicked serrated 6 inch spring trigger release blade, I was on the right path. And into 5.7.9 I went.
Things started out rather dull. I would go into the store about twice a week, usually looking a lot more than actually shopping. I identified Heather as the manager, and started asking her for clothing advice. This got me right in. I started being asked to hang out with the whole Squad after the place closed. I would go out with them and we would crash the Emo servers, dying people's hair blonde and putting colors into their clothes. While I had to admit this was kind of funny, I wanted to get this mission over as fast as possible. I could feel my brain cells crying each time I said "OMG looK at da fuZZZZZZy SWEATWRS!!!!" It was enought make a hardened veteran sick to her stomach.
Finally I made my move. It was about 2 weeks before B.G. needed his info and I was ready to get the fuck out of Barbie hell. I walked into the store at around closing time, as I always did, and made the announcement "OMG MY BF JUST PROPOSED!!!!" I was immediately deafened by the screaming of the girls and after we had done the obligatory dancing about like retards at the school dance thing, I settled in to strike. "So H-diddy, like when can we go shoppin for our dresses like? You gals er like TOTALLY BRIDESMAIDS!" And then it happened. She took out her planner, the one I had never seen, the one she protected more than anything other than her new cherry lip balm. And she just started reading out of it. All the the next months movements, who they were planning on going after, where, and what colors they were thinking would go best with their composure's. I quickly turned on my palm pilot and started writing away furiously. When she was done I told her I would get back to her when I could get off of work so we all could go. There was a lot more screaming and some liberal amounts of kissing (though I usually don't kiss and tell) and then it was time to leave. But just so I could make sure I finished my assignment to the letter I asked, " so do like any Of you gals like skunky animals???..." Most of the girls didn't know what a skunk was, but Haley stood in the corner and blushed ever so slightly. I made a note to give the info to B.G. He would be very pleased indeed.
***************************************************************************************************************************
I was also thinking of maybe starting my own column, but since the only thing I really know anything about is theater and musicals, I was thinking of doing a "Best and Worst Things About Theater" type of thing. Anyone think that's a good idea?