wordswordswords
frustrated.frozen.speechless.stressed.angry.upset.worried.lonely.loved.
scared.hopeful.terrified.exhausted.tense.annoyed.irritated.uncomfortable.
determined.
yeah.
that's how i feel.
that's how i'm doing.
that's how i've been.
hopefully, all of that is not how i'll stay for long.
i think too much. i edit myself. i think things and want to say them but i freeze and feel like i can't but i don't know why. let go. loosen up. stop thinking. it's not that easy. but it is. why can't i make myself get things done? i'm such a slacker. i really don't have that much work to do but i don't do it all the time. what is wrong with me? i haven't gotten a good nights' sleep in over a week. i've been getting migraines about every other day. i am epileptic. that is still weird to say. it still freaks me out. i'm still afraid to go to sleep every night. i hate crying. i feel comfortable with you. i feel comfortable talking to you about everything. except that apparently. i've never done anything like that before and it makes me uncomfortable. not just with you. i think it would be like that with anyone. after you talked though, i could feel you here with me. i don't know why i didn't say that. i couldn't stop smiling but i couldn't say anything. i hate that. i have a music history test in the morning and it's my first test of the semester and i'm just afraid that, despite my studying, i'm going to get in there and forget what i learned. i've been forgetting a lot of things lately. sometimes i feel like i think faster than i can talk. i feel like i don't think in complete sentences or phrases, it just seems like random words that don't make sense. that's why i take so long to say things sometimes. i'm not necessarily trying to figure out what to say or how to say it, i'm just trying to figure out what is going through my head because it's just random words. it's frustrating because i want to talk but i can't think clearly. i don't like taking forever to say something. i need to go to the counseling center again. i need to get my life together. i need to figure out exactly when i'm graduating/student teaching. i need to remember to call people every now and then. i need to remember to forget certain thoughts and feelings and fears and insecurities. i need to stop thinking.
that's what goes through my head.
in case you were curious.
why can't life be this beautifully simple?
scared.hopeful.terrified.exhausted.tense.annoyed.irritated.uncomfortable.
determined.
yeah.
that's how i feel.
that's how i'm doing.
that's how i've been.
hopefully, all of that is not how i'll stay for long.
i think too much. i edit myself. i think things and want to say them but i freeze and feel like i can't but i don't know why. let go. loosen up. stop thinking. it's not that easy. but it is. why can't i make myself get things done? i'm such a slacker. i really don't have that much work to do but i don't do it all the time. what is wrong with me? i haven't gotten a good nights' sleep in over a week. i've been getting migraines about every other day. i am epileptic. that is still weird to say. it still freaks me out. i'm still afraid to go to sleep every night. i hate crying. i feel comfortable with you. i feel comfortable talking to you about everything. except that apparently. i've never done anything like that before and it makes me uncomfortable. not just with you. i think it would be like that with anyone. after you talked though, i could feel you here with me. i don't know why i didn't say that. i couldn't stop smiling but i couldn't say anything. i hate that. i have a music history test in the morning and it's my first test of the semester and i'm just afraid that, despite my studying, i'm going to get in there and forget what i learned. i've been forgetting a lot of things lately. sometimes i feel like i think faster than i can talk. i feel like i don't think in complete sentences or phrases, it just seems like random words that don't make sense. that's why i take so long to say things sometimes. i'm not necessarily trying to figure out what to say or how to say it, i'm just trying to figure out what is going through my head because it's just random words. it's frustrating because i want to talk but i can't think clearly. i don't like taking forever to say something. i need to go to the counseling center again. i need to get my life together. i need to figure out exactly when i'm graduating/student teaching. i need to remember to call people every now and then. i need to remember to forget certain thoughts and feelings and fears and insecurities. i need to stop thinking.
that's what goes through my head.
in case you were curious.
why can't life be this beautifully simple?