Hes everything i need that i never knew i wanted....
Im home sick today. :( Erg.. I just got over being sick and what happens now..Im sick again. it blows. Im bored. Tired, but i cant get back to sleep. Im tired of everyone i know. Life has become something that i can no longer control. Ive tried for so long to be in control of my feelings and ive realized that i no longer can. Everything must happen for a reason. I feel like everyone is counting on me, but what for? I wish sometimes people wouldnt be so dependable on me. Im afraid that i will hurt someone. Sometimes i tend to just forget that there are people who are counting on me. I dont know who i am becomming anymore, I feel like i am no longer in control of anything! I just wanta have fun, be with the people who make me happy, I want to not worry about tomorrow and if everythings going to be okay. But ive recently been told that i have to think about my future and what i want to do. ah... sometimes i seriously confuse my self.
Some random things that have crossed my mind recently: *wonder how Chris is doing (my so called "mother") wonder if shes cracked herself out to the point of non-existance, wouldnt doubt it.Im happy that shes not apart of my life. Ive tried most of the years of my life to be the perfect daughter but i guess me trying was never good enough. I hope that when shes older and all alone she will think of me and wonder where i am and how my life turned out.
*I feel like my relationship is falling apart. Arguing, sometimes it really gets to me, i hate it! Sometimes i feel that we are always arguing and thats all. I dont know if its because we love each soo much but our ideas of whats going to happen (the next year) scares us that were trying to hard to make our relationship work.I still have the same feelings I ever have, if not more.Sometimes it gets so hard without him close by. Its like when hes home were perfect together and i am the happiest person in the world and nothing could be better,all of my worries about anything tend to dissapear and whatever was bothering me suddenly is gone,but when he leaves its like the happiness that has been with me since hes been home has just floated out a window and im left alone. I know that he is always here for me, but i hate how were apart becuase theres an empty feeling. I wish i had the answers to all of my questions!! Im so in love. Ive now realized that if I love him, then nothing we want is outta reach. I just have to block out the people saying were too different and listen to my heart. I couldnt imagin my life without him. I'll do what it takes*
*I cant wait for the summer, its gonna be so SWEET! Camping is what i am most excited for, sitting around the bonfire, cuddling with Sean. ahh im so excited!!! Having all day to do whatever the fuck i want. hell yes!!
*Summer nights kick ass!
IM FREEZING! well im gonna go take a nap untill my love calls me. :) O how the thought just makes me warm,cozy,and happy!
Some random things that have crossed my mind recently: *wonder how Chris is doing (my so called "mother") wonder if shes cracked herself out to the point of non-existance, wouldnt doubt it.Im happy that shes not apart of my life. Ive tried most of the years of my life to be the perfect daughter but i guess me trying was never good enough. I hope that when shes older and all alone she will think of me and wonder where i am and how my life turned out.
*I feel like my relationship is falling apart. Arguing, sometimes it really gets to me, i hate it! Sometimes i feel that we are always arguing and thats all. I dont know if its because we love each soo much but our ideas of whats going to happen (the next year) scares us that were trying to hard to make our relationship work.I still have the same feelings I ever have, if not more.Sometimes it gets so hard without him close by. Its like when hes home were perfect together and i am the happiest person in the world and nothing could be better,all of my worries about anything tend to dissapear and whatever was bothering me suddenly is gone,but when he leaves its like the happiness that has been with me since hes been home has just floated out a window and im left alone. I know that he is always here for me, but i hate how were apart becuase theres an empty feeling. I wish i had the answers to all of my questions!! Im so in love. Ive now realized that if I love him, then nothing we want is outta reach. I just have to block out the people saying were too different and listen to my heart. I couldnt imagin my life without him. I'll do what it takes*
*I cant wait for the summer, its gonna be so SWEET! Camping is what i am most excited for, sitting around the bonfire, cuddling with Sean. ahh im so excited!!! Having all day to do whatever the fuck i want. hell yes!!
*Summer nights kick ass!
IM FREEZING! well im gonna go take a nap untill my love calls me. :) O how the thought just makes me warm,cozy,and happy!