So tired...
Obi needed to shed a few pounds again, so we switched him to a different diet consisting of dried biscuits which can optionally have hot water added to them to make a Weetabix-like paste. He's shedding weight really well, but he's a lot thirstier due to the dried food. Although it's not such a bad thing since it does mean he's taking on more water.
The obvious drawback to this is that he needs to relieve himself more often; typically during the night. So for the past five days we've been on Obi duty from 3am onwards, usually each and every hour until we finally get up for the day. Each encounter goes a little like this...
DoggyNightEncounter Table
1
TROLLDOG HD - Bedroom door is opened, have a little snuffle around then go back to bed. Look at assisting parent. Think to self "U MAD?"
2
Cave Explorer - Bedroom door is opened. Disappear in to every room that has nothing to do with going in to the garden for a poop. Spare bedroom? GO SNUFFLIN'. Other spare bedroom? GO SNUFFLIN'. Bathroom. Hey, GO SNUFFLIN'. Eventually get shepherded downstairs by groggy, sleep deprived parent. Head in to garden. Turn around and come straight back in. Return to bed. In respective parents part of the bed forcing them to contort themselves to get back in to bed. U MAD?
3
Spoofdog - Bedroom door is opened. Go straight downstairs to back door. Pause for a second as sleepy parent is stunned by display of obedience. Wait at back door. As parent's hand touches door handle; UNLEASH TROLLFACE HD. Run away past parent and attempt to wee up table leg. Be shepherded outside by exhausted parent who by this point is shambling around like a Zombie in a Romero movie (Originals, not remakes)
4
Marathondog - Bedroom door is opened. IMMEDIATELY AND WITHOUT DELAY RUN! RUN LIKE YOUR TAIL IS ON FIRE! RUN LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER, THEN WHEN YOU GET IN TO THE LOUNGE HURL YOURSELF ON THE FLOOR. LAUGH IN THAT WAY THAT ONLY A DOG CAN. BRIEF TROLLFACE THEN MORE RUNNING. Parent starts laughing. CONTINUE TO RUN AROUND THE ROOM OCCASIONALLY HURLING SELF TO THE FLOOR AND HAVING A NICE ROLL AROUND. Oops.. Then it goes too far. Running and hurling dislodges poop. NEED TO POOP. NOW. Start shifting weight on each paw as parent frantically fumbles with door lock. Like something out of an Indiana Jones movie literally as your paws hit the paving stones outside start to poop. RELIEF. Return to bed, trimuphant. After all, you managed to both run around, have a roll around and a poop. WITH AN AUDIENCE.
5
Ops I pooped on ur things - Obediently follow parent to back door. As parent fumbles with lock mechanism, squat over parents foot. Look at parent with TROLLFACE as they say "Obi, dude? What the fuck man?" stifle internal LOL as you head in to the garden for a poop.
6
GO STRAIGHT OUTSIDE. POOP QUICKLY BUT THOROUGHLY. WEE BRIEFLY. RETURN TO THE HOUSE. WAIT PATIENTLY FOR PARENT TO WIPE FEET. RETURN TO BED LEAVING AMPLE ROOM FOR PARENT TO ALSO RETURN TO BED COMFORTABLE. PARENT CAN THEN NOT RETURN TO SLEEP THROUGH SHEER DISBELIEF AS TO HOW SMOOTHLY THAT WENT COMBINED WITH SUSPICION REGARDING FURTHER DOGGY ACTION. HAVE SWEET TROLLFACE DREAMS AS PARENT STRUGGLES TO RATIONALISE OBEDIENCE.
I love that dog to bits but I wish he'd roll more 6's.
The obvious drawback to this is that he needs to relieve himself more often; typically during the night. So for the past five days we've been on Obi duty from 3am onwards, usually each and every hour until we finally get up for the day. Each encounter goes a little like this...
- Obi climbs off the bed, and lies by the door. He'll then start making a whimpering noise consistently until one or both of us are awake.
- Hayley or I will wake up, and get up to look after him
- Obi then rolls 1D6 on the DoggyNightEncounter table below
- Consult the table below to resolve the encounter
DoggyNightEncounter Table
1
TROLLDOG HD - Bedroom door is opened, have a little snuffle around then go back to bed. Look at assisting parent. Think to self "U MAD?"
2
Cave Explorer - Bedroom door is opened. Disappear in to every room that has nothing to do with going in to the garden for a poop. Spare bedroom? GO SNUFFLIN'. Other spare bedroom? GO SNUFFLIN'. Bathroom. Hey, GO SNUFFLIN'. Eventually get shepherded downstairs by groggy, sleep deprived parent. Head in to garden. Turn around and come straight back in. Return to bed. In respective parents part of the bed forcing them to contort themselves to get back in to bed. U MAD?
3
Spoofdog - Bedroom door is opened. Go straight downstairs to back door. Pause for a second as sleepy parent is stunned by display of obedience. Wait at back door. As parent's hand touches door handle; UNLEASH TROLLFACE HD. Run away past parent and attempt to wee up table leg. Be shepherded outside by exhausted parent who by this point is shambling around like a Zombie in a Romero movie (Originals, not remakes)
4
Marathondog - Bedroom door is opened. IMMEDIATELY AND WITHOUT DELAY RUN! RUN LIKE YOUR TAIL IS ON FIRE! RUN LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER, THEN WHEN YOU GET IN TO THE LOUNGE HURL YOURSELF ON THE FLOOR. LAUGH IN THAT WAY THAT ONLY A DOG CAN. BRIEF TROLLFACE THEN MORE RUNNING. Parent starts laughing. CONTINUE TO RUN AROUND THE ROOM OCCASIONALLY HURLING SELF TO THE FLOOR AND HAVING A NICE ROLL AROUND. Oops.. Then it goes too far. Running and hurling dislodges poop. NEED TO POOP. NOW. Start shifting weight on each paw as parent frantically fumbles with door lock. Like something out of an Indiana Jones movie literally as your paws hit the paving stones outside start to poop. RELIEF. Return to bed, trimuphant. After all, you managed to both run around, have a roll around and a poop. WITH AN AUDIENCE.
5
Ops I pooped on ur things - Obediently follow parent to back door. As parent fumbles with lock mechanism, squat over parents foot. Look at parent with TROLLFACE as they say "Obi, dude? What the fuck man?" stifle internal LOL as you head in to the garden for a poop.
6
GO STRAIGHT OUTSIDE. POOP QUICKLY BUT THOROUGHLY. WEE BRIEFLY. RETURN TO THE HOUSE. WAIT PATIENTLY FOR PARENT TO WIPE FEET. RETURN TO BED LEAVING AMPLE ROOM FOR PARENT TO ALSO RETURN TO BED COMFORTABLE. PARENT CAN THEN NOT RETURN TO SLEEP THROUGH SHEER DISBELIEF AS TO HOW SMOOTHLY THAT WENT COMBINED WITH SUSPICION REGARDING FURTHER DOGGY ACTION. HAVE SWEET TROLLFACE DREAMS AS PARENT STRUGGLES TO RATIONALISE OBEDIENCE.
I love that dog to bits but I wish he'd roll more 6's.