2010/Jun/16/Evening - Knock, Knock! Who's There?
How might God be knocking on your door today?
Recently I was chided for not having posted a journal entry in a few days. I spent the weekend at a friend's house, playing board games with him and another friend, and being entertained by his cute toddler. I returned on Monday. Another set of friends came to visit, and then just after they left I hosted the penultimate session of the Bible Study on which this journal is based. Since then I have been watching fantasy flicks, gearing myself up to put pen to paper (Or at least finger to keyboard) on a long-neglected novel which I started in 2003 and have yet to finish. With my inconsistent sleep pattern to sit as a cherry on that cake, I have found it easy to ignore my times of reflection. Perhaps, though, being asked when my next entry is coming was an allegorical knock on the door. I had assumed that nobody actually reads this journal. I am not entirely sure how interesting it would be to someone other than me, since all I do is go on and on about the things on my mind, and my understanding of various tidbits of scripture. I am glad that others can find something of value in all that.
I received an e-mail on Monday for which I had been waiting quite a while: Word on the fate of my French test. Unfortunately, it was not worded as I had hoped. On the test, I needed 33 correct answers to meet the threshold to continue in the job competiton. My previous score, from over a year ago, was 30. I discovered on Monday that I did not meet the threshold, though they did not provide my actual mark. This is a large stumbling block, though not the death-knell of all my applications. Although I am out of that particular job competition, the one advantage of the burecratic nature of the application process is that for another competition I was asked to do the test. I had neither confirmed nor denied my intention to write it, waiting on my mark. I get one last go at the test next Tuesday. After that, I have no more evaluation invitations, so getting to the point of writing the test again, should I not pass next week, could take several months.
I was very disappointed to find I had not gotten the required 33 points. For a few hours I went into one of my depressive fits of crying over the uselessness of the last nine years of effort, and fears that I have no value to the world and nothing to offer. I had been so sure I had improved my score, yet all my hopes and dreams and plans had been dashed. Technically, though, I had done better: On Tuesday my actual mark came in; I got 31 points. This renews my hope. I did better than my first time. The test is still relatively fresh in my head, even though I have passed the mandatory 30-day retest-waiting-period. I will go back at it, determined again to pass and prove my worth. I feel a bit like the heroes in those movies I have been watching, rising from defeat to face their dragons once again. I am not as abandonned as I thought on that tearful Monday; God is still at my door, knocking.
Ecclesiastes 11:5-6
As you do not know what is the way of the wind or how the bones grow in the womb of her who is with child, so you do not know the works of God who makes everything. In the morning sow your seed, and in the evening do not withold your hand, for you do not know which will prosper, either this or that, or whether both alike will be good
There it is. A note of encouragement sent to us by way of a three-thousand year-old piece of scripture. In a Dr. Who moment, my sister would call it a "Bad Wolf" verse, a special message meant to transcend time. This passage speaks into my life that I should keep my chin up and my nose to the grindstone; I should continue walking forward in faith, knowing that unseen by me, God is preparing an occupational purpose for my life. I need to keep sowing my seed and not witholding my hand, and eventually He will reveal the fruit.
Another thing I love about this verse is the use of the word "wind" early in the first phrase. My Bible has a note, "or spirit". That means the original word used is one of my favourites. It is an ancient term, coming even further back from the Sanskrit spira, which means breath. It can refer to the wind, and also to a person's life-force. From it we get several English words whose relationship is often ignored: spirit (The breath within us), atmosphere (The breath around us), and conspiracy (Literally, "breathing-together"). I really like James Gurney's Dinotopia books, and in them, a marriage is called cumspiritik, along the same ideas as conspiracy, but without the scheming connotations. So, looking back at the passage in Ecclesiastes, we see that although the author seems to be focused on the meteorological side of the word (The previous verses mention how rain and clouds affect seed-sowing), there is a double-meaning. Reading it as, you do not know the way of the spirit adds an interesting flavour. We can pick our destinations, but not our destiny. Personally, I think that alone is a good reason to pay attention when God is knocking. After all, He does know both the way of the wind, and how our lives will unfold.
Recently I was chided for not having posted a journal entry in a few days. I spent the weekend at a friend's house, playing board games with him and another friend, and being entertained by his cute toddler. I returned on Monday. Another set of friends came to visit, and then just after they left I hosted the penultimate session of the Bible Study on which this journal is based. Since then I have been watching fantasy flicks, gearing myself up to put pen to paper (Or at least finger to keyboard) on a long-neglected novel which I started in 2003 and have yet to finish. With my inconsistent sleep pattern to sit as a cherry on that cake, I have found it easy to ignore my times of reflection. Perhaps, though, being asked when my next entry is coming was an allegorical knock on the door. I had assumed that nobody actually reads this journal. I am not entirely sure how interesting it would be to someone other than me, since all I do is go on and on about the things on my mind, and my understanding of various tidbits of scripture. I am glad that others can find something of value in all that.
I received an e-mail on Monday for which I had been waiting quite a while: Word on the fate of my French test. Unfortunately, it was not worded as I had hoped. On the test, I needed 33 correct answers to meet the threshold to continue in the job competiton. My previous score, from over a year ago, was 30. I discovered on Monday that I did not meet the threshold, though they did not provide my actual mark. This is a large stumbling block, though not the death-knell of all my applications. Although I am out of that particular job competition, the one advantage of the burecratic nature of the application process is that for another competition I was asked to do the test. I had neither confirmed nor denied my intention to write it, waiting on my mark. I get one last go at the test next Tuesday. After that, I have no more evaluation invitations, so getting to the point of writing the test again, should I not pass next week, could take several months.
I was very disappointed to find I had not gotten the required 33 points. For a few hours I went into one of my depressive fits of crying over the uselessness of the last nine years of effort, and fears that I have no value to the world and nothing to offer. I had been so sure I had improved my score, yet all my hopes and dreams and plans had been dashed. Technically, though, I had done better: On Tuesday my actual mark came in; I got 31 points. This renews my hope. I did better than my first time. The test is still relatively fresh in my head, even though I have passed the mandatory 30-day retest-waiting-period. I will go back at it, determined again to pass and prove my worth. I feel a bit like the heroes in those movies I have been watching, rising from defeat to face their dragons once again. I am not as abandonned as I thought on that tearful Monday; God is still at my door, knocking.
Ecclesiastes 11:5-6
As you do not know what is the way of the wind or how the bones grow in the womb of her who is with child, so you do not know the works of God who makes everything. In the morning sow your seed, and in the evening do not withold your hand, for you do not know which will prosper, either this or that, or whether both alike will be good
There it is. A note of encouragement sent to us by way of a three-thousand year-old piece of scripture. In a Dr. Who moment, my sister would call it a "Bad Wolf" verse, a special message meant to transcend time. This passage speaks into my life that I should keep my chin up and my nose to the grindstone; I should continue walking forward in faith, knowing that unseen by me, God is preparing an occupational purpose for my life. I need to keep sowing my seed and not witholding my hand, and eventually He will reveal the fruit.
Another thing I love about this verse is the use of the word "wind" early in the first phrase. My Bible has a note, "or spirit". That means the original word used is one of my favourites. It is an ancient term, coming even further back from the Sanskrit spira, which means breath. It can refer to the wind, and also to a person's life-force. From it we get several English words whose relationship is often ignored: spirit (The breath within us), atmosphere (The breath around us), and conspiracy (Literally, "breathing-together"). I really like James Gurney's Dinotopia books, and in them, a marriage is called cumspiritik, along the same ideas as conspiracy, but without the scheming connotations. So, looking back at the passage in Ecclesiastes, we see that although the author seems to be focused on the meteorological side of the word (The previous verses mention how rain and clouds affect seed-sowing), there is a double-meaning. Reading it as, you do not know the way of the spirit adds an interesting flavour. We can pick our destinations, but not our destiny. Personally, I think that alone is a good reason to pay attention when God is knocking. After all, He does know both the way of the wind, and how our lives will unfold.