that empty feeling grows.. and i cant remember..
*yawns*
so, very tired, weak, hot, i can barely move.
couldnt do what i was suposed to before i slept last night, so gonna be in a inseasy bit of trouble, least i kinda have an excuse..*shrugs*
some old sounding foreign lady woke me up this morning calling my cell -wrong number of course- Gotta love it when its a wrong number and they dont speak english.
got a call yesterday, when i answered they hung up.. kept the number just in case.. to see if it belongs to who i think it may.
im still a little upset with myself for snapping last night, im sorry, i just resent that i have someone that doesnt know fuck all about me..and they are voicing an opinion that they cant validate on facts.
IF i was in something for the ride, why the hell would i choice to use someone thats in another country, that would be more difficult to get to be with, why not choose someone that is here.. wouldnt that be easier if i was just in something for the ride?
i mean fucking seriously. god.
where this leaves things i dont know.
i dislike anyone's harshness with you, including my own, you dont deserve that. I refuse to take my temper out on you, that gets me no where. it gets us no where.
sighs, why am i so easy for everyone to doubt? There are very few that dont doubt me, and they have seen sides of me that i only wish i didnt have because they are so full of pain that i can barely keep my head up. if i had my choice i wouldnt have shown but we dont always get what we want. They are good friends and we've been through alot together. i would do what i did to save them all over again. the irony, of the fact is the few people i am closed -we've all been hurt by the same person... and yet one of us, in fact the most important still refuses to admit there was any pain involved. Denial is our friend some time i guess.
i asked the nurse this week about how much treatment i had left to get.. she looks at it.. and shes like.. "theres lots left" god i was ready to cry right there *whine* the spot i get it all injected still hurts. i hit it in my sleep this morning and the pain woke me up.
*gleefully runs around* i have the house to myself ... meow meow meow..
plans are almost complete to get this businessy thing off the ground.
it should be almost ready.. by the time He comes home.. which is ironic then i have to find the time to balance both parts. Monday nights will be easiest as He will be at army, Wednesday afternoon cuz He will be at RM Thursday nights He's got army..if nothing else then there are 3 periods i can sneak away not worried about what i will need to be doing so i can get this off the ground the right way.
Sides it was His suggestion that got the ball rolling heh.
How do you not be so hard to get to know?