Ugh.
I am SO fed up at the minute.
College is becoming a drag. I can't keep up with the assignments because tutors always find something to improve on, so they just keep building up, and I don't really get any help. Seriously, I need a lot of help, because it's hard to concentrate when it feels like someone is constantly stabbing you.
Then with medical shit, they found a 5cm cyst on my ovary (bigger than an actual ovary. WTF) and my renal cyst has protein and fat in it. So if the ovarian one doesn't go, it'll have to possibly be removed; if the renal one is serious, my whole kidney will be taken out. It could even be fucking cancer.
Yeah, so anyway. I already feel like shit at the moment. My whole life just seems pointless, and it could quite possibly be taken away soon because I'm scared of dying from whatever is debilitating me. Every night I just cry.. I feel ugly and stupid. People stare at me, laugh at me and I never get invited anywhere because I'm the "disabled one".
Another thing. I don't know what the fuck my problem is, but I act like a bitch to everyone. I'm actually afraid to talk to people incase the judge me. Why can't I just be a normal person without social issues?. I have an irrational fear of talking to men older than me. Women are okay.. but men. IDEK why.
Okay, this is weird. I don't like talking to men, but I like being around them 'cause they make me feel safe. How is that even fucking LOGICAL?!. So yes. Shit at the minute. Need someone to talk to (IDK why, but a tutor?), but then I'll just get referred to a counsellor who I won't know so I won't talk to. It's like a vicious circle. ARGH...
This song is totally making me feel better at the minute. Hooray for beautiful music :)
College is becoming a drag. I can't keep up with the assignments because tutors always find something to improve on, so they just keep building up, and I don't really get any help. Seriously, I need a lot of help, because it's hard to concentrate when it feels like someone is constantly stabbing you.
Then with medical shit, they found a 5cm cyst on my ovary (bigger than an actual ovary. WTF) and my renal cyst has protein and fat in it. So if the ovarian one doesn't go, it'll have to possibly be removed; if the renal one is serious, my whole kidney will be taken out. It could even be fucking cancer.
Yeah, so anyway. I already feel like shit at the moment. My whole life just seems pointless, and it could quite possibly be taken away soon because I'm scared of dying from whatever is debilitating me. Every night I just cry.. I feel ugly and stupid. People stare at me, laugh at me and I never get invited anywhere because I'm the "disabled one".
Another thing. I don't know what the fuck my problem is, but I act like a bitch to everyone. I'm actually afraid to talk to people incase the judge me. Why can't I just be a normal person without social issues?. I have an irrational fear of talking to men older than me. Women are okay.. but men. IDEK why.
Okay, this is weird. I don't like talking to men, but I like being around them 'cause they make me feel safe. How is that even fucking LOGICAL?!. So yes. Shit at the minute. Need someone to talk to (IDK why, but a tutor?), but then I'll just get referred to a counsellor who I won't know so I won't talk to. It's like a vicious circle. ARGH...
This song is totally making me feel better at the minute. Hooray for beautiful music :)
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