Come mood shift, shift back to good again.
I've had a lot on my mind lately.
I'm really scared of next school year. For reasons. I guess I'd tell, but the only person that reads this that really cares is probably Tyler, and he already knows.
Anyway, I have a definite rant coming on. About colourguard. First, I do in fact like flag spinning. I think it's fun. And to everyone that thinks it's pointless because we're never together anyway--it's much harder than it looks.
Tryout training started Monday of this week, and I haven't gone once yet. I keep getting threats like "If you don't come back I'll beat you up", or the ever o persuasive argument of "You have to do it--it's band". Yeah, okay. People have told me that they have heard other guard members plotting to get me back. I don't get it. I just don't. When I was there, I'll admit I was the loner. Well, the cool one. MO was one too, but I was by choice. They all have these little cliques, and they always fight and argue and they're just dumb, and I don't want to be a part of that trivial "drama". So I'd just float on from one person to the next, talking. They'd only really talk to me if no one else of their clique was around, though. I wasn't good enough for any real conversation. These girls trying to get me back never really talked to me anyway. It's all so shallow, I think. Maybe I'm wrong, but Theresa completely agrees with me. The only reason I would come back is for the time I got to spend talking to Amy. I love talking to her, and I hardly ever get to anymore. I don't even know if she likes me anymore. Her only attempt to persuade me to come back is "Who am I gonna room with?!". Maybe she didn't tell me the whole story, but what about my feelings? What about my total lack of desire to be in band again? She's worried about one week with a roomate she'll hardly see. Everyone trying to get me to come back isn't taking the way I feel into consideration, and that really steams my broccoli.
But I guess I'm kind of to blame too. I give stupid reasons and not straight answers to them to get out of things. Well, not Amy or Theresa, but the rest of them yes. Partly because I know if I told them how I felt, they wouldn't have enough of an attention span to really listen to me, and even if they did kinda listen to me, they'd be too busy thinking of another reason for me to come back rather than seeing things from my point of view. But, I think it might also be because I don't ever really defend myself or speak up when I'm mad. I know I don't. I could if I wanted. Everytime I think of this, I compare myself to Holden Caulfield. I just don't feel like doing things if I'm not in the mood. And I don't care either. I'd rather just rant about it.
[/rant]
So there's this silly woodpecker. I've seen him in the same spot 4 times already. I think woodpeckers are so charming. I got a picture once. It's not the best, but it's enough to make me smile.
I'm really scared of next school year. For reasons. I guess I'd tell, but the only person that reads this that really cares is probably Tyler, and he already knows.
Anyway, I have a definite rant coming on. About colourguard. First, I do in fact like flag spinning. I think it's fun. And to everyone that thinks it's pointless because we're never together anyway--it's much harder than it looks.
Tryout training started Monday of this week, and I haven't gone once yet. I keep getting threats like "If you don't come back I'll beat you up", or the ever o persuasive argument of "You have to do it--it's band". Yeah, okay. People have told me that they have heard other guard members plotting to get me back. I don't get it. I just don't. When I was there, I'll admit I was the loner. Well, the cool one. MO was one too, but I was by choice. They all have these little cliques, and they always fight and argue and they're just dumb, and I don't want to be a part of that trivial "drama". So I'd just float on from one person to the next, talking. They'd only really talk to me if no one else of their clique was around, though. I wasn't good enough for any real conversation. These girls trying to get me back never really talked to me anyway. It's all so shallow, I think. Maybe I'm wrong, but Theresa completely agrees with me. The only reason I would come back is for the time I got to spend talking to Amy. I love talking to her, and I hardly ever get to anymore. I don't even know if she likes me anymore. Her only attempt to persuade me to come back is "Who am I gonna room with?!". Maybe she didn't tell me the whole story, but what about my feelings? What about my total lack of desire to be in band again? She's worried about one week with a roomate she'll hardly see. Everyone trying to get me to come back isn't taking the way I feel into consideration, and that really steams my broccoli.
But I guess I'm kind of to blame too. I give stupid reasons and not straight answers to them to get out of things. Well, not Amy or Theresa, but the rest of them yes. Partly because I know if I told them how I felt, they wouldn't have enough of an attention span to really listen to me, and even if they did kinda listen to me, they'd be too busy thinking of another reason for me to come back rather than seeing things from my point of view. But, I think it might also be because I don't ever really defend myself or speak up when I'm mad. I know I don't. I could if I wanted. Everytime I think of this, I compare myself to Holden Caulfield. I just don't feel like doing things if I'm not in the mood. And I don't care either. I'd rather just rant about it.
[/rant]
So there's this silly woodpecker. I've seen him in the same spot 4 times already. I think woodpeckers are so charming. I got a picture once. It's not the best, but it's enough to make me smile.