(no subject)
[Private. For once. Hackable, but very, very hard.]
Joscelin, oh, Joscelin, how could I have forgotten you? Joscelin, my sweet, sweet Cassiline. You would have been horribly annoyed, I think, if you knew this, if you knew that, so soon after declaring you my consort, I managed to fully and completely forget everything of you. Not a name, not a face, not even a familiar touch. And yet, I know you would only laugh at me and tell me that it's not something I can control.
At least, so I hope.
Joscelin, the winter is cold, here, without your warmth beside me. The snow reminds me of our Bitterest Winter, again and again, and, without other memories to distract me, it torments me constantly. Syaoran has been kind to buy me a coat, and now I dare make my way outside, but the chills in my memories bite no less deeply, and I find myself shivering, even in this winter that is so much gentler.
I wonder what you would say now, should you see my state. I have not, now, the patrons that I have had, and I yearn, sometimes, for their touches, for something... a diamond on a velvet cord...
I still don't remember more than that, only the desire, and the fear, and you, my constant strength. If I had to face that fear again, without you by my side, I would not survive. I would not.
Still, it is pointless to wish, when you are not here. You, who would follow me to the ends of the earth, across nations and into blind wilderness, could not come here with me.
It pains me more to know that, even if you could, you would not remember me, not for quite some time. How would you be, then? How would we have been, had it not been for that trip through a land blanketed in white, veiled in white, the incessant snowstorms that we could not wait to die down? Would we even have been together? And, if you come here now, would you be the way you were, so long ago, proud and disdainful and so, so beautiful? How long would it be before you would remember me, and our time together? Oh, what would you think of me now, and... of the relationship with milord Silv? You would understand it, I know, but you would not like it.
...I do not understand it, not really. What is love, if it can be so fickle? And yet, do I love?
Oh, look at me dream pointless dreams. Joscelin, Joscelin, I fear I will never see you again...
Joscelin, oh, Joscelin, how could I have forgotten you? Joscelin, my sweet, sweet Cassiline. You would have been horribly annoyed, I think, if you knew this, if you knew that, so soon after declaring you my consort, I managed to fully and completely forget everything of you. Not a name, not a face, not even a familiar touch. And yet, I know you would only laugh at me and tell me that it's not something I can control.
At least, so I hope.
Joscelin, the winter is cold, here, without your warmth beside me. The snow reminds me of our Bitterest Winter, again and again, and, without other memories to distract me, it torments me constantly. Syaoran has been kind to buy me a coat, and now I dare make my way outside, but the chills in my memories bite no less deeply, and I find myself shivering, even in this winter that is so much gentler.
I wonder what you would say now, should you see my state. I have not, now, the patrons that I have had, and I yearn, sometimes, for their touches, for something... a diamond on a velvet cord...
I still don't remember more than that, only the desire, and the fear, and you, my constant strength. If I had to face that fear again, without you by my side, I would not survive. I would not.
Still, it is pointless to wish, when you are not here. You, who would follow me to the ends of the earth, across nations and into blind wilderness, could not come here with me.
It pains me more to know that, even if you could, you would not remember me, not for quite some time. How would you be, then? How would we have been, had it not been for that trip through a land blanketed in white, veiled in white, the incessant snowstorms that we could not wait to die down? Would we even have been together? And, if you come here now, would you be the way you were, so long ago, proud and disdainful and so, so beautiful? How long would it be before you would remember me, and our time together? Oh, what would you think of me now, and... of the relationship with milord Silv? You would understand it, I know, but you would not like it.
...I do not understand it, not really. What is love, if it can be so fickle? And yet, do I love?
Oh, look at me dream pointless dreams. Joscelin, Joscelin, I fear I will never see you again...