Directed by Earl.
GODAWFUL PRODUCTIONS PRESENTS:
The Play That Never Was
Romeo & Juliet: The Play That Never Was
Characters:
Romeo: Emily Mercutio: Jason Rosaline: Bryan
Juliet: Brian Lady Montague: Belinda Prince Escalus: Bryan
Paris: Lucia Friar/Nurse: Jason Narrators 1 and 2: Belinda and Lucia, respctively
Scene 1: Juliet's Bedroom
*Star Wars soundtrack*
Narrator 1: In a galaxy far, far away… *Star Wars soundtrack stops abruptly* Wait, sorry, wrong story. *clears throat and begins again* Two households, both alike in dignity, in fair Verona, where we lay our scene…
Nurse: (in high pitch female voice) Oh Miss! Please wake up! It's already 7 in the morning! *knocks on door* Miss! You have to wake up or your mother will kick my butt! *gives up knocking on door and tries kicking it down* Oh Miss! I'm going to kick your door down now!
Juliet: I'm coming, Nurse! *makes face at crowd* I… just need… my stupid… dress… on! *stumbles all the way to the door*
*Door bursts open*
Nurse: *surprised* Oh dear! Do you need help with your dress, darling? *drags Juliet back inside* You've got no more sense than a commoner, I swear. *mumbles stuff while helping Juliet into her clothes* 13 years old already and still can't put a dress on properly… oh yes, blame the nurse for all the stupid faults… Done!
Juliet: Thank you, Nurse, I think I can manage from here.
Nurse: Hmm I doubt it… *right when she says this, Juliet trips and falls again*
Juliet: Oof !
Nurse: *sigh*
Scene 2: Romeo's Bedroom
*Romeo snoring his head off, Friar comes in and pokes him*
Friar: Now come on Romeo, you must wake up today. Don't forget, it's the masked ball today.
*Romeo mumbles incoherently and throws a pillow at Friar*
Friar : Ow. Now that wasn't fair, Romeo. C'mon you lazy kid, wake up! *starts whacking Romeo with pillows* Wake *whack* up *whack* you *whack* sleepy *whack* head! *whacks particularly hard*
Romeo: Ow, ow, ok, ok I'm awake, I'm awake. *stares groggily at Friar * What's today again?
Friar : *sigh* Tonight is the masked ball! You may find your future wife tonight!
Romeo: *scoffs*
Friar: Oh believe me. Tonight, at the ball, you may meet a mysterious girl who will somehow magically charm you. Then the time will come for her to go and she'll disappear into the night-
Romeo: *rolling his eyes* yea, yea, but she'll forget her glass slipper on the steps and I'll have to search through all of Italy to find her. *makes a face at Friar* I've heard that story tons of times already, and it never seems to come true, Friar.
Friar: *smiles slyly* Oh, I wouldn't be so sure about that, Romeo.
Scene 3: Masked Ball (move everything out of the way for dancing space)
*Juliet is seen sneaking into the ball and bumps into Romeo, both masked*
Juliet: Oof! Oh, sor-
Romeo: -sorry, I wasn't watching where I was going.
*both stare deeply into each other's eyes*
Romeo: *shakes himself free from Juliet's gaze* Er… want me to show you around? I do kinda live here, you know… and… well… you look a little… lost…
Juliet: *blushes deeply and looks away?* uh… ok…
Romeo: *as they are walking* so… uh… what's your name?
Juliet: I'm Ju- er… Avaline.
Romeo: Ah… that's a pretty name.
Juliet: *blushing* thanks… and… what's your name?
Romeo: Romeo. I'm Romeo Montague.
Juliet: *gasp*
Romeo: What is it?
Juliet: Oh nothing. I just don't wish for this night to end.
Romeo: *smiles sadly* neither do I, Avaline.
Scene 4: Juliet's Balcony
Juliet: *sighs sadly at window*
Romeo: *throws his shoe at window* Pst! Juliet!
Juliet: *looks down* *gasps* Romeo! What are you doing here? And how did you find me?
Romeo: I never did believe you were named Avaline. I've met every woman around this area. What else could you be but a Capulet?
Juliet: Oh Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?
Romeo: What? I'm right here foo! Is the heiress of the Capulets blind too?
Juliet: Why must you be a Montague? A rose by any other name would smell as sweet. If only you could throw away your name, I would willingly take you as mine.
Romeo: Then that I shall do. From this moment forward, I will no longer be called Romeo.
Juliet: But how have you found me here? The walls are high and guards are stationed everywhere.
Romeo: With love, anything is possible. Besides, the gate was unlocked.
Juliet: Then you are saying you love me?
Romeo: Though it may be forbidden, though it may be wrong, I pledge my undying love to you.
Juliet: And I to you.
*everyone freeze*
Narrator 1: Yeah, my lunch break. Sorry for the interruption. EARL! SEND IN THE NEWBIE!
arrator 2: *nervous and shy* Err, and then...
Scene 5: Tea party?
*Rosaline standing by window, Romeo looking distressed*
Rosaline: *sad, nearly sobbing voice* So… you do not love me…
Romeo: I'm sorry… Rosaline…
*Rosaline slaps Romeo*
Rosaline: *screaming at Romeo* How dare you cheat on me? You and this tramp! Who is she? Who's the tramp who stole my Romeo?
Romeo: I'm sorry, but I cannot say.
*Rosaline runs off crying*
Scene 6: Streets
*Romeo and Mercutio are walking down the street*
Mercutio: Rosaline looked pretty upset.
Romeo: Well I had to do it, Mercutio. I didn't love her anymore.
Mercutio: Got another one on your mind?
Romeo: I'm sorry, but I cannot say.
Mercutio: I'm your best friend. Can't you tell me?
Romeo: *sigh* It is Juliet, the daughter of Lord Capulet
*Paris jumps out from behind a building*
Paris: HALT, YE VILLAIN! JULIET IS MINE!
Romeo: Who are you to spout such nonsense as this?
Paris: Why I am Count Paris, the fair Lady Juliet's betrothed!
Mercutio: Wow really? But aren't you a little too old for her?
Paris: Death to the villain who calls me old! *attempts to stab Mercutio*
*Just then a train comes by and runs Mercutio over*
Mercutio: Avenge me, Romeo! *falls over dramatically*
Romeo: *turns to the train* You have slain my dear friend Mercutio! *kills train driver* *turns to Paris* Come, with your sword, and let us duel!
*Paris takes out pack of Yu-Gi-Oh cards and pulls out Dark Magician*
Paris: Go! Dark Magician!
Romeo: uhh… those don't work in this story.
Paris: Oh right. EN GUARD!
*both draw swords and fight for a few minutes?*
Paris: Hm.,. We're pretty evenly matched
Romeo: Only way to settle this.
*both do rock paper scissors, Paris loses*
Paris: Oh the dishonor! *falls over dead*
*Romeo runs, Prince enters and sees the dead body of Paris*
Prince: Oh! 'Tis my kinsman who lies here dead! Who has done such a thing?
*someone goes up and whispers something to him*
Prince: I hereby exile Romeo Montague for slaying Count Paris. As for Mercutio, he has been avenged.
Scene 7: Juliet's Bedroom
Juliet: *sobs nonstop* Oh he's gone! My dear love, Romeo, is gone! After all his promises, after all those reassurances of love bringing him through! Oh, how will he come to me now?
*Rosaline pops out of nowhere*
Roasline: Who needs men? Do what I do, honey, and you'll be just fine. *chugs unknown substance and falls over, drunk*
Friar : There's still a way, Lady Juliet.
Juliet: *turns to Friar* Tell me, friar, what must I do?
Friar: *hands Juliet a small bottle* This is a potion that will induce a death-like state in you. Once they bury you, I will come and take you to Romeo.
Juliet: Thank you, friar. I will make sure you live a good life after this.
*drinks potion and falls over dramatically*
Friar: Perfect. *runs out telling everyone that Juliet is dead* OMG. Juliet's dead!
Scene 8: The Tomb
*Romeo sneaks into the scene and looks into the tomb*
Romeo: I have come at last, my love, though I may have come a little too late. *looks down at Juliet sadly* Only a little longer, dear sweet Juliet, and we will be together forever. *takes out sprite bottle* With this limited edition sprite, I will be able to end my life and join you in the afterlife. *one last look at Juliet* Please be waiting there for me, Juliet. *drinks sprite and falls over dead*
*All the characters still alive run into the scene* *Lady Montague falls down and weeps*
Friar: don't worry, he lived a good life...
Lady Montague: But, but he's not wearing black! My poor baby isn't wearing black!
Juliet: *suddenly jumps up* Ok that's it! I'm a 13 year old boy who's got better things to do than acting as a girl! *pulls wig off* I quit!
Belinda: Wait Brian! But we were supposed to plan world domination! You were supposed to brainwash all the little kids with your Juliet act!
Bryan: *runs after Brian* How dare you steal my man!
Jason: *runs after Brian + belinda + Bryan with Runaway Bride sign*
Lucia: Agh!! What are we going to do?! It's ruined!!!
Emily: *gets up* Oh, are we done yet? Ok then. *goes to Lucia* Paycheck please.
Lucia: Agh!!!
Jason: *yelling from back* Er… for never was a story of more woe than this of Juliet and her Romeo?
Belinda: *whispers in backgroung* World domination!!
Ending Credits:
Belinda: Many thanks to, err, Earl, our director who apparently doesn't exist. Brian, our Juliet, Emily, our Romeo, Jason playing both the Nurse and the Friar, the other Bryan, who may or may not be insane, playing the Prince and wonderful, slightly scary Rosaline, Lucia as Paris and the newbie Narrator, and last but not least, me, the Narrator. Our apologies to Shakespeare and Sprite.
Yeah, script for my Romeo+Juliet/Haute Monde inspired play for school, because Anaface requested to see it.