Ikujinashi ch.4
Fic title: Ikujinashi
Title:Everything I Do
Rating: nc-17 for tesshi angst
Pairing: Tegomass
Notes: harunomasu who loves so much.
Ch.1: http://kusanobabe05.livejournal.com/10038.html
Ch.2: http://kusanobabe05.livejournal.com/11839.html
Ch.3 version 1: http://kusanobabe05.livejournal.com/18682.html
Ch.3 version 2: http://kusanobabe05.livejournal.com/21906.html
Tesshi sat in the doctor’s office again, hearing the worst news in the world, “It’s back? But I thought we got it…I thought I was getting better.”
Massu pulled his lover into his arms, at least this time Tesshi was alone, he lifted Tesshi’s chin, “It will be okay, I promise…”
Look into my eyes - you will see
What you mean to me
Tesshi cried, “The drugs don’t work…they said my only hope is a donor but I have no siblings. Otousan has a terrible heart condition that my illness has worsened, Kaachan suffers from such severe depression that she can’t be a candidate no matter how much she wants. They are both only children…I’m alone.”
Massu whispered as he held the sobbing boy carrying him home, “Never…you are never alone…I’m right here by your side. Gakki loves you so much, and so does NewS, we won’t let you go without a fight. Don’t ever forget I love you…I’ll do anything to insure there is an us.
Search your heart - search your soul
And when you find me there you'll search no more
Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
Tesshi pouted, seeing Massu in this much pain…pain his diseased existence caused.
You can't tell me it's not worth dying' for
You know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you
Massu left Tesshi asleep, he kissed his cheek. He called Kei, “We need to talk…it’s Tesshi. I’ll be at your place in ten.”
Massu dejected threw himself on Kei’s floor, “It’s back…”
Kei frowned, “I thought he kicked it...”
Massu shook his head so did we, but when we went in for his fifth weekly check up since his release, the doctor said that the cancer was back. That the chemo wasn’t working…we need a different approach. He said Tesshi’s best chance is a bone marrow transplant from a genetically compatible donor. Where do we find one it’s not like we know that many…”
Kei closed his eyes in thought, “I can think of three off the top of my head, no make that four…Notti, Kame, Koki and Ueda. They’re our friends, I’m sure they would do anything for Tesshi. Let me find out who else has Type B blood and see if they’ll be willing to try to help Tesshi. You worry about keeping Tesshi from falling into depression; I’ll find the person that can save his life. Go before he does something stupid…he’d think that leaving you would make your life easier you won’t have to worry about him.”
Massu ran home…to find Tesshi in the shower with a razor, bleeding.
Tesshi looked up, “You came to say goodbye…I ‘m doing this for you. I love you Massu.”
Massu ran for a towel, he pressed it to Tesshi’s injured wrists, crying, “You can’t leave me, I need you…”
Look into my heart - you will find
There's nothin' there to hide
Tesshi smiled, “you’ll be fine…” just before he passed out.
Take me as I am - take my life
I would give it all I would sacrifice
Massu tied tourniquets to prevent more blood from escaping and weakening Tesshi, then he gently cleaned the wounds on his lover’s wrist. He just couldn’t let him go…he loved him too much to let him go without a fight.
His phone rang, he picked it up as a reflex, “Masuda”, he mumbled.
Kei burst out excited, “they’re all going to get tested tomorrow…I got the list from Johnny and everyone on it over 16 is getting tested. They love Tesshi, we all do…”
Massu broke down, “He did it…he really did it…just like you feared. I found him…he didn’t lose much but I can’t leave him. I don’t think he’ll make the photoshoot tomorrow.
Kei choked back a sob, “I was so afraid of that…Tesshi’s always be the most sensitive one of us all. Don’t leave him alone again…we’ll cover for you.”
Massu barely heard as Kei hung up, he cleaned up Tesshi and carried him to their bed. He laid him down and crying aloud as he held him,
You can’t leave me…I need you. Without you, I’m half of nothing, we’re Tegomass, you’ve always come first to me. I want to do everything I can to ensure us a future.
“Don't tell me it's not worth fighting' for
I can't help it there's nothin' I want more”
Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you
Tesshi heard him from the darkness’ embrace, his heart broke and he cried because he was so alone here.
There's no love - like your love
And no other - could give more love
Tesshi wanted Massu; he finally realized he didn’t want a forever without him.
There's nowhere - unless you're there
All the time - all the way “
Massu wiped away Tesshi’s tears…his voice broke as he said,
“Don't tell me it's not worth tryin' for
I can't help it there's nothin' I want more
I would fight for you - I'd lie for you
Walk the wire for you - Ya I'd die for you
I’d take this horrible disease away from you and take it myself to save you from the pain if I could. But at least let me try to save you, I love you, Tesshi…I won’t let you die.”
Ya know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you