Ikujinashi ch.2 I Will Carry You
Fic Title: Ikujinashi
Chaper Title: I Will Carry You
Rating: PG
Pairing: Tegomass to
Notes: For Rorychan and Roxy because they love this pairing so much.
Ch.1 http://kusanobabe05.livejournal.com/10038.html#cutid1
Tesshi lay back on the bed, his hand gripping Massu’s like a vise… this stupid nausea was just getting worse. Couldn’t the damn doctors find a better way of treating leukemia then pumping your body full of chemicals that only make you sicker? He hated being sick, especially puking his guts out. He refused to make himself look that pathetic in front of Massu of all people, he wouldn’t want him to have to clean him up. He was not that dependent, and he did not want to start now.
Massu watched his heart nearly breaking in two, he wanted nothing more for him to get better but for now, all he could do was hold his hand.
Yeah I know it hurts, Yeah I know you're scared
Walking down the road that leads to who knows where.
Tesshi buried his face in the basin as his breakfast returned to haunt him.
Massu silently took the basin from him and went to rinse it out. He brought a glass of water for Tesshi to rinse his mouth out and a wet washcloth to wash his face.
When your world breaks down and the voices tell you turn around.
When your dreams give out I will carry you, carry you.
When the stars go blind and the darkness starts to flood your eyes.
When you're falling behind, I will carry you.
“Thank you,” Tesshi said hoarsely.
Massu smiled, “Not a problem… Do you need anything else.”
Tesshi tried grinning as he replied, “A new life”.
Massu smoothed his hair, “No can do… I just wish I could help you more”.
Tesshi grabbed Massu’s hand again, “You’re being here is helpful enough”.
Massu sat next to him on the bed an arm draped lazily around Tesshi’s shoulders.
Aragaki Yui bounced in, “Ohaiyo, Tesshi. I thought that I would drop by to say hello before I head off for my Popolo photo shoot. I missed you… I wish we can hang out more.”
Tesshi tried to smile but bile rose in his throat.
Massu recognize that expression and hurried Gakki out of the room.
Gakki tried to protest.
Massu placed a hand over her mouth, “Please don’t. Seeing him right now are only hurt him. If you love him wait a few minutes and then say goodbye, he isn’t well enough for visitors. The medicine makes him really sick, sometimes he even sends me away.”
Gakki buried her face in Massu’s shirt, whimpering, “I can’t stand to see him like this… it’s so unfair. Can’t anyone help him? I want to hold him, I want to believe everything will be all right but I’m so afraid it won’t be… Oh god Massu.”
Massu held her, her tears made his shirt damp but he could care less. Both of his best friends were in pain that there was little he can do except hold them as they cried. It broke his heart to see them in so much anguish, but he had to be strong for them. He only cried at night when he thought no one could hear him and
Everybody cries, everybody bleeds,
No one ever said that life’s an easy thing.
That’s the beauty of it, when you lose your way,
Close your eyes and go to sleep and wake up to another day.
Tesshi never felt so alone even though he knew they were right outside the door.
Massu let her back into the room, together they hugged a shuttered Tesshi.
Massu whispering, “We’re right here and we love you. We’ll always be here for you”.
You should know now that you're not alone.
Gakki nodded, “I promise”, she kissed him on the cheek, “I will come back later if you want me to”.
Tesshi faked a smile, “tomorrow might be better… I’ll be between treatments so I’ll be in a more sociable mood.”
Gakki hugged him quickly before running out the door as tears ran down her face again.
Massu barely glimpsed as she disappeared down the hall before he sat down on the bed again next to his friend.
Tesshi fell asleep in Massu’s arms.
Massu held him tight whispering softly, “I meant it you know I really do love you.”
Massu took a short nap too; he awoke as he heard the dinner cart coming down the hall. He tried to talk Tesshi awake as it hurried towards them, “Tesshi… your dinner is almost here.”
Tesshi grumbled sleepily, “Not hungry… send it away I don’t even want to smell it.”
Massu was furious, “I don’t care how sick you are… You won’t get any better if you don’t least try to eat.”
Don't you hang your head don't you give up yet
When courage starts to disappear, I will be right here.
Tesshi burst into tears, “But I can’t keep anything down so what’s the use”.
Massu held him close, “I didn’t mean to make you upset… I just want you to get better and if you don’t eat it will just take longer you know that”.
Tesshi ignored his dinner tray, the smell of it already made him nauseous, he whispered between sobs, “Please don’t make me”.
“Okay… don’t worry about it. Just rest then, I will set it to side and you can try to eat it later if you want.”
Tesshi glanced at him worried, “you’re not going to leave me are you”.
“Of course not… I promise I’ll be here holding you when you wake up,” Massu said as he played with Tesshi’s hair, I couldn’t leave you even if I wanted to which I don’t.’
“but why…”
“Because you’re my best friend and you mean the world to me, Tesshi.”
“Is that all… I could have sworn I heard you say something about love or was I only dreaming”
Massu turned red, “what if it was true…”
Tesshi yawned, “then I’m glad… Because I love you too”, with that he fell asleep.
Massu was speechless, “was that even possible…” that changed everything. With that thought he as he dozed off for a bit.
Take my heart and we will find, You will find, your way home.