texas, orlando etc
-smell the crotch. can I wear this?
-it smells like fruity vagina
Getting ready to give a speech:
-listen, im only gonna do this once
-don’t kiss me
“get a drink or were making out.”
“shut up, bird! I hate that bird.”
-ive never came without him
-that’s what she said… that’s what ive never said
Staring off into the distance on the Disney ferry:
“I keep picturing this railing coming off.”
“we cant smell like weed in Disney!”
“if I get too high I might get scared at the park.”
-patty’s just gonna go up to people dressed up at Disney and make them feel bad
-“are you really happy? Disney happy or reaaally happy?”
“please don’t let me beat any of them up.”
-they checked my id when I came
-it was your 21st birthday, you had that air of I’m-not-usually-this-old
-that was terrifying.
-I was just holding on to the back of the seat going, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god
…
-…and now youre texting about it
-my voice is leaving me
-yea it sounds distant
“dude if u were around in nazi germany…. Lis and hitler would have been the most beautiful love story.”
-were heading out
-ayy ana whyyyyyy
-shes so drunk..
-what game did she just start?
-this is some post apocalyptic shit
..
“omg lis is just gonna throw tequila on everyone. These are the beach games.”
-its so good, but im so full
-just it and throw up later
“yea the apartments in that building go for close to 2 grand. I looked it up im not… the rain man of condominiums.”
-I don’t even wanna tell you all the things I just read
-I don’t wanna hear them
-I was farting the entire flight
-THAT WAS YOU?!
Eating beans:
-im gonna be farting on the plane
-oh god
-u with your shoe smell, me and my farts. Theyre gonna be like, “eject this row!”
“this is like a desert. Were gonna die like one.”
“im burning up. Im definitely eating one of your faces on the walk back.”
-ohh theres 2 girls fighting. Lets stop to look
-I think there might be a dog involved. No, just a balloon
-everyone here is so good looking
-I know. It sucks. Now that im less single I cant really do anything
-just do it and send him flowers
“she was so hot that I wasn’t sure if I wanted to make out with her or rip her face off and wear it.”
Drinking vodka and water:
-why don’t you squeeze the lime in it?
..
-good call. This made it better…. Im gonna need 20 limes
-your hair is perfect. People would pay good money for that hair
-don’t fall asleep anywhere near lis. Ur gonna wake up bald
-im gonna open a bar where they give you snuggies
-a cockblock bar
-I cant believe were going to another bar
- I know. Lets slip sleeping pills in their sushi
-we smell so bad
-I know. I need to deep throat that shower
-I don’t think I can drink anymore
-come on. Youre supposed to be bigger here in texas
“doesn’t this taste like iron man fighting a war in your mouth and losing?”
-we have to shape up. We don’t even have the self control to not buy chocolate
-who ate the rest of the pretzel?? Cause it wasn’t me..
-we cant turn on each other like this. We have to work together. If not were gonna end up eating each other on mount kilimanjaro
- I don’t wanna eat my best friend
-not sexually
-they have no idea they almost committed duck murder
-lis is gonna go down there and eat it
-I’ll make you eat the rest. I know you will
“they sell jars of ladybugs. I want the ring in there so I have to kill them by the handful to get to it.”
-aww that’s cute. Your sheets say zzz sleepy happy.
-I didn’t pick those. Mine would say ‘fear death coldness.’ That’s how I dream
-it smells like fruity vagina
Getting ready to give a speech:
-listen, im only gonna do this once
-don’t kiss me
“get a drink or were making out.”
“shut up, bird! I hate that bird.”
-ive never came without him
-that’s what she said… that’s what ive never said
Staring off into the distance on the Disney ferry:
“I keep picturing this railing coming off.”
“we cant smell like weed in Disney!”
“if I get too high I might get scared at the park.”
-patty’s just gonna go up to people dressed up at Disney and make them feel bad
-“are you really happy? Disney happy or reaaally happy?”
“please don’t let me beat any of them up.”
-they checked my id when I came
-it was your 21st birthday, you had that air of I’m-not-usually-this-old
-that was terrifying.
-I was just holding on to the back of the seat going, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god
…
-…and now youre texting about it
-my voice is leaving me
-yea it sounds distant
“dude if u were around in nazi germany…. Lis and hitler would have been the most beautiful love story.”
-were heading out
-ayy ana whyyyyyy
-shes so drunk..
-what game did she just start?
-this is some post apocalyptic shit
..
“omg lis is just gonna throw tequila on everyone. These are the beach games.”
-its so good, but im so full
-just it and throw up later
“yea the apartments in that building go for close to 2 grand. I looked it up im not… the rain man of condominiums.”
-I don’t even wanna tell you all the things I just read
-I don’t wanna hear them
-I was farting the entire flight
-THAT WAS YOU?!
Eating beans:
-im gonna be farting on the plane
-oh god
-u with your shoe smell, me and my farts. Theyre gonna be like, “eject this row!”
“this is like a desert. Were gonna die like one.”
“im burning up. Im definitely eating one of your faces on the walk back.”
-ohh theres 2 girls fighting. Lets stop to look
-I think there might be a dog involved. No, just a balloon
-everyone here is so good looking
-I know. It sucks. Now that im less single I cant really do anything
-just do it and send him flowers
“she was so hot that I wasn’t sure if I wanted to make out with her or rip her face off and wear it.”
Drinking vodka and water:
-why don’t you squeeze the lime in it?
..
-good call. This made it better…. Im gonna need 20 limes
-your hair is perfect. People would pay good money for that hair
-don’t fall asleep anywhere near lis. Ur gonna wake up bald
-im gonna open a bar where they give you snuggies
-a cockblock bar
-I cant believe were going to another bar
- I know. Lets slip sleeping pills in their sushi
-we smell so bad
-I know. I need to deep throat that shower
-I don’t think I can drink anymore
-come on. Youre supposed to be bigger here in texas
“doesn’t this taste like iron man fighting a war in your mouth and losing?”
-we have to shape up. We don’t even have the self control to not buy chocolate
-who ate the rest of the pretzel?? Cause it wasn’t me..
-we cant turn on each other like this. We have to work together. If not were gonna end up eating each other on mount kilimanjaro
- I don’t wanna eat my best friend
-not sexually
-they have no idea they almost committed duck murder
-lis is gonna go down there and eat it
-I’ll make you eat the rest. I know you will
“they sell jars of ladybugs. I want the ring in there so I have to kill them by the handful to get to it.”
-aww that’s cute. Your sheets say zzz sleepy happy.
-I didn’t pick those. Mine would say ‘fear death coldness.’ That’s how I dream