::sigh::
so, yeah, as monica mentioned in her journal, things have been going well lately with her and i (as in, starting to be able to be good close friends again). and now, she has a new boyfriend (no, not derek). she just really cant go with things when things are good, she has to do something to fuck everything up. i even mentioned the morning before her date with the guy that what she probably needs (and wants, even though she may not admit it to herself) is to DATE, and not have the commitment of a boyfriend, and then she could date different guys without causing all the problems of late. and here she is a day and a half later with a boyfriend. and granted, there wasnt anything going on between her and i, but this is still going to affect the friendship more than she realizes. things are still trying to build back up between us, and i have had to make effort to be friends with her and she has barely found any time for me...now, i need to stop making so much effort and leave it to her to make time for me (which i needed to do anyway, this incident* just drives that home), but i dont expect her to since she has him for now. hey, maybe im wrong, maybe she will call me up tomorrow (more likely wednesday if it happens) and say she wants to hang out, but i doubt i will hear from her. and im really not saying that i dont want to be her friend, because i really do, i am just sick of having to make all the effort. i do hope she decides i am important enough to make time for and will still be friends with me...but i need to stop waiting-for/expecting it.
*((edit: re-reading it seems i didnt quite describe the specific 'incident' very well...see, she and i had kinda planned to hang out sunday after she visited with her grandma for an hour or two...but she just never called nor saw her grandma since she was too busy spending all day with her new boyfriend.))
it would be nice to find someone else, even if new-girl and i were just good friends, having another girl to distract me from all the stupid shit going on in my life would be nice(monica, even as just a friend, was still very good at making me feel better and distracting me from problems...even the problems she was part of). but looking for a new girl has never seemed to work very well for me. hmm, i can always go grab lena for a weekend of good distractions...as long as jake doenst mind her disappearing for a while...or, oh, hey...someone i havent talked to in a while...i shall contact her now.
and now i leave you with a song...Faith by George Michael:
well, i guess it would be nice, if i could touch your body,
i know not everybody has a got a body like you,
but i gotta think twice before i give my heart away,
and i know all the games you play because i play them too.
oh, but i need some time off from that emotion,
time to pick my heart up off the floor,
oh and love comes down without devotion,
well it takes a strong man baby, but im showing you the door,
cause i gotta have faith.
BABY, i know youre asking me to stay, sayin please please please dont go away,
you say im giving you the blues,
MAYBE you mean every word you say, cant help but think of yesterday,
and another who tied me down to loverboy rules.
before this river becomes an ocean,
before you throw my heart back on the floor,
i reconsider my foolish notion,
when i need someone to hold me
but i wait for something more,
cause i gotta have faith.
*((edit: re-reading it seems i didnt quite describe the specific 'incident' very well...see, she and i had kinda planned to hang out sunday after she visited with her grandma for an hour or two...but she just never called nor saw her grandma since she was too busy spending all day with her new boyfriend.))
it would be nice to find someone else, even if new-girl and i were just good friends, having another girl to distract me from all the stupid shit going on in my life would be nice(monica, even as just a friend, was still very good at making me feel better and distracting me from problems...even the problems she was part of). but looking for a new girl has never seemed to work very well for me. hmm, i can always go grab lena for a weekend of good distractions...as long as jake doenst mind her disappearing for a while...or, oh, hey...someone i havent talked to in a while...i shall contact her now.
and now i leave you with a song...Faith by George Michael:
well, i guess it would be nice, if i could touch your body,
i know not everybody has a got a body like you,
but i gotta think twice before i give my heart away,
and i know all the games you play because i play them too.
oh, but i need some time off from that emotion,
time to pick my heart up off the floor,
oh and love comes down without devotion,
well it takes a strong man baby, but im showing you the door,
cause i gotta have faith.
BABY, i know youre asking me to stay, sayin please please please dont go away,
you say im giving you the blues,
MAYBE you mean every word you say, cant help but think of yesterday,
and another who tied me down to loverboy rules.
before this river becomes an ocean,
before you throw my heart back on the floor,
i reconsider my foolish notion,
when i need someone to hold me
but i wait for something more,
cause i gotta have faith.