(no subject)
so, the short version is that monica fell in love with me, but didnt stop loving derek. so she didnt know what to do, ended up making a hasty decision to get back together with derek, but was still obviously in love with me. i started breaking down, she had to change something, she tried, failed, and then decided she cant be with either of us.
the problem is, as far as i can see it, unless she is willing to make a decision, this all turns into a sort of lovers chicken...which of us will give up first? the most likely scenario i can think of is that one of us will move on and find someone new, and monica will then be able to be with the other of us without feeling like she is betraying someone. now, i know i cant wait for this to happen, i dont plan on it, if another girl comes along i will give her a chance...but i dont see that happening any time soon. derek, however, was at one point ready to move on and has said before that there are other girls at his work that are interested in him, so maybe that could happen...except that he probably wont give up wanting to be with mon until he has no chance with her anymore...::sigh::. so, actually, it may just be that mon has bought herself a little extra time before having to make a decision.
and for the record, if she does get back together with derek after this point, that is the end of it. i know i have said things like that before, but those times were out of anger because of how things happened. i am saying it this time with a clear head...well, as clear as it is getting any time soon...i mentioned reaching a breaking point and that was it, if she wants to be with me, great, if she chooses derek, then im out of it. i probably actually would have stayed out of it this most recent time if it werent for a few things: 1. yes, i do love her and want to be with her. 2. she obviously does love me. and 3. there are reasons that i know of that she and derek shouldnt be together. and while the first two are extremely important, if she is going to be with derek despite that then they obviously arent important enough to her, but three is the one that really made the difference. she isnt going to tell him anything. thats a relationship based on lies. he and i had a recent conversation and he flat out asked me about stuff...i declined to answer, for now. the other day i was thinking he and i should talk about EVERYTHING (i know there are things i dont know, and if mon wants to be with me, she will have to be honest about everything), but i know mon would be upset if he and i talked...however, my reasoning for deciding not to is two-fold. after the conversation he and i did have, he apparently ran off to monica and told/whined to her about it...though, it seems he only mentioned the parts that made me sound like an ass (he is very good at garnering sympathy, especially from mon), so she ended up being upset at me for awhile over that before even talking to me about it. so, why should i talk to him about anything if he is just going to use it as ammo against me when i am just trying to be honest about things (granted, it may not have been his intent to get her upset at me, maybe he was really just upset himself and venting, but the end result is the same to me). the other reason is that he really doesnt need to know details right now. if he and mon end up together somehow, i will offer him full disclosure of everything that mon wont tell him. but for now it should be enough for him to know that because of the things he doesnt know, i would tell him, as a friend, that he shouldnt be with monica.
the problem is, as far as i can see it, unless she is willing to make a decision, this all turns into a sort of lovers chicken...which of us will give up first? the most likely scenario i can think of is that one of us will move on and find someone new, and monica will then be able to be with the other of us without feeling like she is betraying someone. now, i know i cant wait for this to happen, i dont plan on it, if another girl comes along i will give her a chance...but i dont see that happening any time soon. derek, however, was at one point ready to move on and has said before that there are other girls at his work that are interested in him, so maybe that could happen...except that he probably wont give up wanting to be with mon until he has no chance with her anymore...::sigh::. so, actually, it may just be that mon has bought herself a little extra time before having to make a decision.
and for the record, if she does get back together with derek after this point, that is the end of it. i know i have said things like that before, but those times were out of anger because of how things happened. i am saying it this time with a clear head...well, as clear as it is getting any time soon...i mentioned reaching a breaking point and that was it, if she wants to be with me, great, if she chooses derek, then im out of it. i probably actually would have stayed out of it this most recent time if it werent for a few things: 1. yes, i do love her and want to be with her. 2. she obviously does love me. and 3. there are reasons that i know of that she and derek shouldnt be together. and while the first two are extremely important, if she is going to be with derek despite that then they obviously arent important enough to her, but three is the one that really made the difference. she isnt going to tell him anything. thats a relationship based on lies. he and i had a recent conversation and he flat out asked me about stuff...i declined to answer, for now. the other day i was thinking he and i should talk about EVERYTHING (i know there are things i dont know, and if mon wants to be with me, she will have to be honest about everything), but i know mon would be upset if he and i talked...however, my reasoning for deciding not to is two-fold. after the conversation he and i did have, he apparently ran off to monica and told/whined to her about it...though, it seems he only mentioned the parts that made me sound like an ass (he is very good at garnering sympathy, especially from mon), so she ended up being upset at me for awhile over that before even talking to me about it. so, why should i talk to him about anything if he is just going to use it as ammo against me when i am just trying to be honest about things (granted, it may not have been his intent to get her upset at me, maybe he was really just upset himself and venting, but the end result is the same to me). the other reason is that he really doesnt need to know details right now. if he and mon end up together somehow, i will offer him full disclosure of everything that mon wont tell him. but for now it should be enough for him to know that because of the things he doesnt know, i would tell him, as a friend, that he shouldnt be with monica.