fic: What He Doesn't Know Won't Hurt Him
It’s Christmastime in Lima, and that means Kurt is home for break. He welcomes the change of home compared to the towering regality of Dalton. Finn was moping around over Rachel, but one day he approached Kurt nervously. “Hey, can I ask you a question?” Finn asked.
“Sure,” Kurt nodded, putting his Vogue magazine down.
He gave Finn his full attention. It took a moment, but finally Finn began, “Okay, so Rachel got mad at me because I slept with Santana like, a year ago, so she went and made out with Puck.” Kurt listened, wanting nothing more than to point out that Finn wasn’t asking a question, he was just talking. Finn continued, “Well, now she keeps trying to get back together with me. I like her and all, but I can’t trust her.” Kurt almost looked bored, waiting for the question. “Today she called me and asked my permission to sleep with some other guy to ‘level out the playing field’ so we can go back to dating. Is this normal?”
“Is anything Rachel does normal?” Kurt asked.
Finn looked at Kurt desperately. With a sigh, Kurt elaborated, “On one hand, I can see where she’s coming from. She thought you guys had something special in common and it turns out you didn’t. It’s a strange way of fixing the mess, but I suppose it’s up to you.”
“I guess I don’t care,” Finn said stupidly. “As long as it’s not with Puck, I mean.”
Kurt looked at Finn incredulously, “You’re going to let her sleep with someone just so you guys can get together? Won’t she like, run back to you the minute you whistle, virgin or not?”
“Yeah, but if I do that, she’ll just keep talking about the fact that she’s a virgin and I’m not,” Finn explained. “Besides, it’s like a test. If she sleeps with Puck, then that’s it. She knows I wouldn’t be okay with that. Or, she should, anyway.”
Kurt was amazed at how ridiculous their relationship was. Finn and Rachel definitely had a one-of-a-kind relationship, that was for sure. “It sounds like you have your mind made up already,” Kurt observed.
Finn nodded nervously and said, “I’ll go call her.”
He walked away and Kurt returned to Vogue magazine. A few hours later, Kurt’s iPhone rang. He looked at the caller ID curiously before rolling his eyes and answering, “Hello?”
“Hello, Kurt, how are you?” an overly cheery voice asked.
“I’m good, Rachel, how are you?” Kurt asked.
“I need your help with something,” she confessed.
Kurt sighed and asked, “Does this have anything to do with Finn?”
“Well, yes,” he could hear her hesitate. “I just need to talk to someone and well…nobody else would answer their phone.”
“Gee, thanks,” Kurt rolled his eyes.
“Please?” she asked desperately.
Silence hung on the line for a moment before Kurt asked, “My place or yours?”
“You can come over here if you’d like,” Rachel said, her smile obvious over the phone. “That way there’s no risk of Finn overhearing.”
Kurt sighed and said, “I’ll be there soon.”
“Excellent,” Rachel said.
Kurt set down his phone and sighed. How on earth had he managed to get pulled into their sick and twisted relationship? It probably had something to do with the fact that he would listen, unlike others, who would just shrug off their petty problems as something to plebian to worry about. That was the problem with the Glee club; they only cared about their own problems, nobody else’s.
Walking upstairs, Kurt announced that he was going out and his dad waved him off. Finn watched curiously as Kurt got in his Navigator and drove away, not in the usual direction of Mercedes’ house, but instead in the opposite direction where Finn knew Rachel lived.
Kurt arrived later than Rachel hoped, but she ushered him upstairs quickly. He grimaced at the horrible color scheme of her room, but didn’t say a word. He sat on the stool by her vanity and she began pacing her room. “I’m assuming as your step-brother, Finn already told you about my proposition?” Rachel asked bluntly.
“He told me you asked his permission to sleep with someone to even things out, yes,” Kurt said, raising an eyebrow.
“Well, I thought about it, and even though he gave me permission, I don’t know who I should do it with,” she confessed.
Kurt looked at her for a moment, wondering exactly what she wanted from him. She continued, “I can’t sleep with Puck, even though that’s the easiest solution. Finn would never forgive me if I did that. Then I thought about all the other guys I talk to, and that’s basically just everyone in Glee. Mike is dating Tina, Artie is dating Brittany, Sam is dating Quinn, Finn is out of the question, and Puck is definitely out of the question.”
“Where are you going with this, Rachel?” Kurt asked, realization slowly dawning to him.
“You’re the only guy I have left,” she said, flashing him her best sad puppy eyes as she sat on the end of her bed.
Kurt’s eyes bulged and he shook his head quickly, “No. No, no, no. Rachel, I’m gay. Gay. I like boys.”
“So?” she shrugged. “Being a teenage boy, I’m sure your body would respond to the touch of anyone. It wouldn’t be amazing, but it would be something, and I really need you to help me with this. All the other guys are taken or off limits, and I need to get back together with Finn!”
She looked near tears, and Kurt was trying to distinguish whether they were fake or real. Then he thought about Finn and how he really did want Rachel back but wanted to do it Rachel’s way. He recalled how miserable the Glee club was every time a couple broke up. No matter how wrong it sounded to sleep with Rachel, he couldn’t hurt his competition at Regionals like that. A million reasons why he shouldn’t sleep with her swam through his brain, but strangely he found himself nodding. “Fine,” he sighed.
Instead of reacting with a big smile like Kurt expected, Rachel looked up at him disbelievingly. “Really?” she asked.
“Sure,” he shrugged. “New Directions is terrible after a breakup, and I want to know that Dalton beat you guys because we deserved it, not because I held out on you, as strange as that sounds.”
Rachel gave him a thankful smile and said, “I have everything prepared and ready. All we need to do is start.”
Kurt wasn’t surprised at her preparedness or her way of propositioning. It was very logical and to the point. No passion, no romance, just the facts. He nodded and moved to sit next to her at the foot of her bed. Big wet brown eyes looked up at him and he couldn’t help it. That was when he gave in and slowly, gently lowered his lips to hers. If Rachel wanted this, she was going to get it the way she deserved. Kurt was no pro at straight sex, but he knew enough from chick flicks to know what not to do. He’d also overheard Santana mentioning Finn’s lack of expertise and resolved to give Rachel something she may never get from Finn: good sex. And so it began…
The kiss was hesitant, gentle, and not at all passionate. Lips awkwardly moved against lips; no other body parts were touching. Then Kurt reached over gingerly and ran his hand along Rachel’s thigh. She deepened the kiss a little more, her tongue running along Kurt’s lips. He allowed her entrance and pulled her closer, her arms wrapping around his neck.
Kurt pulled them backwards onto her bed. Her legs fell naturally on either side of his waist and she kissed him more feverishly. Her hair fell and tickled his face. Kurt tried pushing it out of the way but it just wasn’t happening. Instead he opted to roll them over. Rachel’s curls fell across her pillows and it was actually kind of attractive. The kiss continued, one of Rachel’s hands tangled in his hair, the other pressed between their chests.
He ground up against her, more to try to become more aroused, but to help her as well. And help her he did; she moaned in response to his movement. The hand resting between them ran slowly down Kurt’s chest to his groin, where he was ever-so-slowly becoming aroused. She ran her hand along the slight bulge there. She had been right; Kurt had never really gotten much “action” so his body responded to anything. It didn’t seem to matter that Rachel was a girl. Her hand was doing wonderful things and that’s all that mattered.
Taking a hint from Rachel, Kurt slid his hand slowly up her skirt, his touch light and tantalizing. Rachel wanted more - a firmer touch. She broke their kiss just long enough to pull Kurt close and whisper in his ear, “More.”
Rachel’s voice sent shivers down Kurt’s spine. Her eyes were closed, her curls still splayed across the pillows. He acquiesced, running his hand along her panties, surprised at the warmth and wetness. For a moment he envied the fact that a girl’s arousal was so hidden, unlike a boy’s, but then her fingers were messing with the button of his pants and all thoughts were erased from his mind.
Kurt was fully hard now, and the fact that he was gay and Rachel was a girl was completely out the window. Her hand reached into his jeans and touched him through the thin fabric of his boxer briefs. He gasped and felt Rachel smile into the kiss. Then he felt a tugging, overwhelming sensation in his body. “No,” he pushed her hand away lightly. “I’m…not yet. Close.”
He spoke in fragments, and even though Rachel understood, she frowned. Kurt kissed her gently before trailing kisses down her neck, unbuttoning her blouse and leaving a line of kisses down, down, down her body. When his lips reached the waistband of her skirt, his kisses stopped and Rachel found herself wanting more. She felt the fabric of her skirt on her belly and before she could even register what was happening, Kurt had his fingers in her panties, pulling them off slowly. It meant he moved off of her for a moment, which she wasn’t okay with, but what was coming was oh, so much better.
Kurt hadn’t really ever considered giving someone head, boy or girl. It hadn’t seemed like a relevant thought for the near future, but apparently he had been wrong. His fingers moved in and out of Rachel slowly, the wetness and warmth strangely erotic. Rachel was making small whimpering noises above him; he assumed he was doing it right.
He’d heard that most guys are too grossed out to actually go down on a girl, but for some reason he wasn’t. It was inexplicable. Maybe it was because Kurt wanted to give Rachel good sex she wouldn’t get from Finn. Yeah, that was it. Kurt didn’t want to think any more - all he wanted was to keep Rachel making those sounds; they were doing wonders for him.
Rachel let out a squeak as Kurt’s tongue ran along her, his fingers still inside. He left small kisses and trails with his tongue, all making Rachel writhe above him. His tongue pressed at her entrance and her hand gripped his shoulder. “Kurt,” she gasped. “I’m…close…”
Her fingernails hurt his shoulder, but he didn’t argue. He didn’t even to bother removing his pants or boxers completely as Rachel opened the condom. Her nimble fingers rolled the condom on and once that was finished, lips were ravishing lips. Kurt moved above Rachel, their breathing shallow. She was tugging wantonly at his shirt, desperate for more. Kurt obliged.
He pressed inside slowly, hesitating at the face Rachel was making. She sometimes made it when she was singing or confused, but this time it meant pain. Kurt kissed her firmly as he pushed a stray lock of hair out of her face. He slowly lowered himself into her and then finally.
Rachel whimpered and he opened his eyes. Her breathing was ragged and he could see her hands shaking slightly as they clung desperately to his shirt. “You okay?” he whispered.
She nodded. “Tell me if it hurts,” Kurt told her.
He pulled out part of the way before pressing in slowly again. Kurt continued this motion a few times before Rachel’s face relaxed. Her tugs became more frantic and her kisses more heated. Kurt was surprised at how much he was enjoying it - sex with a girl. He didn’t have much experience with guys, but this wasn’t off putting. Rachel was nice. She was attentive and caring and oh dear Lord she was tugging at his hair and sending him over the edge. He groaned into her shoulder, trying not to come yet. Kurt would feel terrible doing that to Rachel. He slowed his pace and she looked at him with desperately. “Please,” she whispered, her heavy-lidded eyes meeting Kurt’s. “’m…so close…”
Kurt nodded, his forehead resting against hers. He picked up the pace and her hands moved to his back, pulling him close. Her fingernails dug into his back but he didn’t feel it. He held his breath, orgasm ripping through him. He felt Rachel’s muscles clench as a moan escaped her lips. Neither moved for a moment as their breathing returned to normal.
Rachel’s hand pressed gently against Kurt’s chest, gently pushing him off. He pulled out slowly and removed the condom, tying it off before tossing it in the trash can. Kurt made himself decent, even though his hair was hopeless. Rachel smoothed down her skirt and re-buttoned her blouse. “Thanks,” she said breathily.
Kurt nodded, his cheeks still flushed. “Do you want to stay for dinner?” Rachel offered after a moment of awkward silence.
She watched him earnestly as he considered her offer. “Sure,” he nodded.
Rachel beamed and they went downstairs to the kitchen where she prepared fettucine alfredo for the two of them. Over dinner they made small talk; Kurt learned that her dads were out of town for their anniversary, she learned that Kurt was on the way to having a boyfriend. They skirted over the topic of glee club the whole time. When Kurt left that evening, Rachel gave him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. “Thanks again,” she said with a small smile.
Kurt drove the whole way back thinking about what he had just done. It wasn’t even confusing for him; that was probably the most surprising part. Yes, he’d had sex with Rachel. Yes, she was a girl. But he still knew he was gay. Kurt chalked it up to teenage hormones and left it at that.
Finn looked at Kurt suspiciously when he returned with messed-up hair and a wrinkled shirt, but didn’t question it. He also didn’t put two and two together when Rachel called that evening to say that the score was even between them.
Kurt couldn’t help but laugh when Finn announced that he and Rachel were back together after the phone call. Sometimes Finn was just too clueless, but what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.
“Sure,” Kurt nodded, putting his Vogue magazine down.
He gave Finn his full attention. It took a moment, but finally Finn began, “Okay, so Rachel got mad at me because I slept with Santana like, a year ago, so she went and made out with Puck.” Kurt listened, wanting nothing more than to point out that Finn wasn’t asking a question, he was just talking. Finn continued, “Well, now she keeps trying to get back together with me. I like her and all, but I can’t trust her.” Kurt almost looked bored, waiting for the question. “Today she called me and asked my permission to sleep with some other guy to ‘level out the playing field’ so we can go back to dating. Is this normal?”
“Is anything Rachel does normal?” Kurt asked.
Finn looked at Kurt desperately. With a sigh, Kurt elaborated, “On one hand, I can see where she’s coming from. She thought you guys had something special in common and it turns out you didn’t. It’s a strange way of fixing the mess, but I suppose it’s up to you.”
“I guess I don’t care,” Finn said stupidly. “As long as it’s not with Puck, I mean.”
Kurt looked at Finn incredulously, “You’re going to let her sleep with someone just so you guys can get together? Won’t she like, run back to you the minute you whistle, virgin or not?”
“Yeah, but if I do that, she’ll just keep talking about the fact that she’s a virgin and I’m not,” Finn explained. “Besides, it’s like a test. If she sleeps with Puck, then that’s it. She knows I wouldn’t be okay with that. Or, she should, anyway.”
Kurt was amazed at how ridiculous their relationship was. Finn and Rachel definitely had a one-of-a-kind relationship, that was for sure. “It sounds like you have your mind made up already,” Kurt observed.
Finn nodded nervously and said, “I’ll go call her.”
He walked away and Kurt returned to Vogue magazine. A few hours later, Kurt’s iPhone rang. He looked at the caller ID curiously before rolling his eyes and answering, “Hello?”
“Hello, Kurt, how are you?” an overly cheery voice asked.
“I’m good, Rachel, how are you?” Kurt asked.
“I need your help with something,” she confessed.
Kurt sighed and asked, “Does this have anything to do with Finn?”
“Well, yes,” he could hear her hesitate. “I just need to talk to someone and well…nobody else would answer their phone.”
“Gee, thanks,” Kurt rolled his eyes.
“Please?” she asked desperately.
Silence hung on the line for a moment before Kurt asked, “My place or yours?”
“You can come over here if you’d like,” Rachel said, her smile obvious over the phone. “That way there’s no risk of Finn overhearing.”
Kurt sighed and said, “I’ll be there soon.”
“Excellent,” Rachel said.
Kurt set down his phone and sighed. How on earth had he managed to get pulled into their sick and twisted relationship? It probably had something to do with the fact that he would listen, unlike others, who would just shrug off their petty problems as something to plebian to worry about. That was the problem with the Glee club; they only cared about their own problems, nobody else’s.
Walking upstairs, Kurt announced that he was going out and his dad waved him off. Finn watched curiously as Kurt got in his Navigator and drove away, not in the usual direction of Mercedes’ house, but instead in the opposite direction where Finn knew Rachel lived.
Kurt arrived later than Rachel hoped, but she ushered him upstairs quickly. He grimaced at the horrible color scheme of her room, but didn’t say a word. He sat on the stool by her vanity and she began pacing her room. “I’m assuming as your step-brother, Finn already told you about my proposition?” Rachel asked bluntly.
“He told me you asked his permission to sleep with someone to even things out, yes,” Kurt said, raising an eyebrow.
“Well, I thought about it, and even though he gave me permission, I don’t know who I should do it with,” she confessed.
Kurt looked at her for a moment, wondering exactly what she wanted from him. She continued, “I can’t sleep with Puck, even though that’s the easiest solution. Finn would never forgive me if I did that. Then I thought about all the other guys I talk to, and that’s basically just everyone in Glee. Mike is dating Tina, Artie is dating Brittany, Sam is dating Quinn, Finn is out of the question, and Puck is definitely out of the question.”
“Where are you going with this, Rachel?” Kurt asked, realization slowly dawning to him.
“You’re the only guy I have left,” she said, flashing him her best sad puppy eyes as she sat on the end of her bed.
Kurt’s eyes bulged and he shook his head quickly, “No. No, no, no. Rachel, I’m gay. Gay. I like boys.”
“So?” she shrugged. “Being a teenage boy, I’m sure your body would respond to the touch of anyone. It wouldn’t be amazing, but it would be something, and I really need you to help me with this. All the other guys are taken or off limits, and I need to get back together with Finn!”
She looked near tears, and Kurt was trying to distinguish whether they were fake or real. Then he thought about Finn and how he really did want Rachel back but wanted to do it Rachel’s way. He recalled how miserable the Glee club was every time a couple broke up. No matter how wrong it sounded to sleep with Rachel, he couldn’t hurt his competition at Regionals like that. A million reasons why he shouldn’t sleep with her swam through his brain, but strangely he found himself nodding. “Fine,” he sighed.
Instead of reacting with a big smile like Kurt expected, Rachel looked up at him disbelievingly. “Really?” she asked.
“Sure,” he shrugged. “New Directions is terrible after a breakup, and I want to know that Dalton beat you guys because we deserved it, not because I held out on you, as strange as that sounds.”
Rachel gave him a thankful smile and said, “I have everything prepared and ready. All we need to do is start.”
Kurt wasn’t surprised at her preparedness or her way of propositioning. It was very logical and to the point. No passion, no romance, just the facts. He nodded and moved to sit next to her at the foot of her bed. Big wet brown eyes looked up at him and he couldn’t help it. That was when he gave in and slowly, gently lowered his lips to hers. If Rachel wanted this, she was going to get it the way she deserved. Kurt was no pro at straight sex, but he knew enough from chick flicks to know what not to do. He’d also overheard Santana mentioning Finn’s lack of expertise and resolved to give Rachel something she may never get from Finn: good sex. And so it began…
The kiss was hesitant, gentle, and not at all passionate. Lips awkwardly moved against lips; no other body parts were touching. Then Kurt reached over gingerly and ran his hand along Rachel’s thigh. She deepened the kiss a little more, her tongue running along Kurt’s lips. He allowed her entrance and pulled her closer, her arms wrapping around his neck.
Kurt pulled them backwards onto her bed. Her legs fell naturally on either side of his waist and she kissed him more feverishly. Her hair fell and tickled his face. Kurt tried pushing it out of the way but it just wasn’t happening. Instead he opted to roll them over. Rachel’s curls fell across her pillows and it was actually kind of attractive. The kiss continued, one of Rachel’s hands tangled in his hair, the other pressed between their chests.
He ground up against her, more to try to become more aroused, but to help her as well. And help her he did; she moaned in response to his movement. The hand resting between them ran slowly down Kurt’s chest to his groin, where he was ever-so-slowly becoming aroused. She ran her hand along the slight bulge there. She had been right; Kurt had never really gotten much “action” so his body responded to anything. It didn’t seem to matter that Rachel was a girl. Her hand was doing wonderful things and that’s all that mattered.
Taking a hint from Rachel, Kurt slid his hand slowly up her skirt, his touch light and tantalizing. Rachel wanted more - a firmer touch. She broke their kiss just long enough to pull Kurt close and whisper in his ear, “More.”
Rachel’s voice sent shivers down Kurt’s spine. Her eyes were closed, her curls still splayed across the pillows. He acquiesced, running his hand along her panties, surprised at the warmth and wetness. For a moment he envied the fact that a girl’s arousal was so hidden, unlike a boy’s, but then her fingers were messing with the button of his pants and all thoughts were erased from his mind.
Kurt was fully hard now, and the fact that he was gay and Rachel was a girl was completely out the window. Her hand reached into his jeans and touched him through the thin fabric of his boxer briefs. He gasped and felt Rachel smile into the kiss. Then he felt a tugging, overwhelming sensation in his body. “No,” he pushed her hand away lightly. “I’m…not yet. Close.”
He spoke in fragments, and even though Rachel understood, she frowned. Kurt kissed her gently before trailing kisses down her neck, unbuttoning her blouse and leaving a line of kisses down, down, down her body. When his lips reached the waistband of her skirt, his kisses stopped and Rachel found herself wanting more. She felt the fabric of her skirt on her belly and before she could even register what was happening, Kurt had his fingers in her panties, pulling them off slowly. It meant he moved off of her for a moment, which she wasn’t okay with, but what was coming was oh, so much better.
Kurt hadn’t really ever considered giving someone head, boy or girl. It hadn’t seemed like a relevant thought for the near future, but apparently he had been wrong. His fingers moved in and out of Rachel slowly, the wetness and warmth strangely erotic. Rachel was making small whimpering noises above him; he assumed he was doing it right.
He’d heard that most guys are too grossed out to actually go down on a girl, but for some reason he wasn’t. It was inexplicable. Maybe it was because Kurt wanted to give Rachel good sex she wouldn’t get from Finn. Yeah, that was it. Kurt didn’t want to think any more - all he wanted was to keep Rachel making those sounds; they were doing wonders for him.
Rachel let out a squeak as Kurt’s tongue ran along her, his fingers still inside. He left small kisses and trails with his tongue, all making Rachel writhe above him. His tongue pressed at her entrance and her hand gripped his shoulder. “Kurt,” she gasped. “I’m…close…”
Her fingernails hurt his shoulder, but he didn’t argue. He didn’t even to bother removing his pants or boxers completely as Rachel opened the condom. Her nimble fingers rolled the condom on and once that was finished, lips were ravishing lips. Kurt moved above Rachel, their breathing shallow. She was tugging wantonly at his shirt, desperate for more. Kurt obliged.
He pressed inside slowly, hesitating at the face Rachel was making. She sometimes made it when she was singing or confused, but this time it meant pain. Kurt kissed her firmly as he pushed a stray lock of hair out of her face. He slowly lowered himself into her and then finally.
Rachel whimpered and he opened his eyes. Her breathing was ragged and he could see her hands shaking slightly as they clung desperately to his shirt. “You okay?” he whispered.
She nodded. “Tell me if it hurts,” Kurt told her.
He pulled out part of the way before pressing in slowly again. Kurt continued this motion a few times before Rachel’s face relaxed. Her tugs became more frantic and her kisses more heated. Kurt was surprised at how much he was enjoying it - sex with a girl. He didn’t have much experience with guys, but this wasn’t off putting. Rachel was nice. She was attentive and caring and oh dear Lord she was tugging at his hair and sending him over the edge. He groaned into her shoulder, trying not to come yet. Kurt would feel terrible doing that to Rachel. He slowed his pace and she looked at him with desperately. “Please,” she whispered, her heavy-lidded eyes meeting Kurt’s. “’m…so close…”
Kurt nodded, his forehead resting against hers. He picked up the pace and her hands moved to his back, pulling him close. Her fingernails dug into his back but he didn’t feel it. He held his breath, orgasm ripping through him. He felt Rachel’s muscles clench as a moan escaped her lips. Neither moved for a moment as their breathing returned to normal.
Rachel’s hand pressed gently against Kurt’s chest, gently pushing him off. He pulled out slowly and removed the condom, tying it off before tossing it in the trash can. Kurt made himself decent, even though his hair was hopeless. Rachel smoothed down her skirt and re-buttoned her blouse. “Thanks,” she said breathily.
Kurt nodded, his cheeks still flushed. “Do you want to stay for dinner?” Rachel offered after a moment of awkward silence.
She watched him earnestly as he considered her offer. “Sure,” he nodded.
Rachel beamed and they went downstairs to the kitchen where she prepared fettucine alfredo for the two of them. Over dinner they made small talk; Kurt learned that her dads were out of town for their anniversary, she learned that Kurt was on the way to having a boyfriend. They skirted over the topic of glee club the whole time. When Kurt left that evening, Rachel gave him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. “Thanks again,” she said with a small smile.
Kurt drove the whole way back thinking about what he had just done. It wasn’t even confusing for him; that was probably the most surprising part. Yes, he’d had sex with Rachel. Yes, she was a girl. But he still knew he was gay. Kurt chalked it up to teenage hormones and left it at that.
Finn looked at Kurt suspiciously when he returned with messed-up hair and a wrinkled shirt, but didn’t question it. He also didn’t put two and two together when Rachel called that evening to say that the score was even between them.
Kurt couldn’t help but laugh when Finn announced that he and Rachel were back together after the phone call. Sometimes Finn was just too clueless, but what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.