Maudlin Wanderings through My Nounyness
So, it's been quite a while since my last update. Though I realize this forum is no longer really used by anyone, it's a nice place for me to leave my thoughts.
I've been thinking about too much lately, and planning too much lately, and the stress is showing. I looked at a few PhD programs this weekend (McGill among them), and the stress set in immediately. In a flight of fancy (to alleviate the stress), I looked at programs in the UK. Though I know I could find a good MPhil program in Medieval Studies there, the cost is so exponential and the payoff so little (well, in practical terms) that I know I cannot give in. However, perhaps I can give in to an expensive flight of fancy when I start the application process--just to see. The thing is, if you get a PhD in the UK, you have to work in the UK (or the EU); you can't possibly work in the United States (though one would think that an education at Cambridge would more than qualify one for a job, especially if that education was in Medieval Studies, but there you have it). Sigh, I just need to get out, to get away. I'd love to spend a year in a place that is just far enough away, doing something challenging, but without the additional stress of trying to function in a second language. McGill also seemed a good possibility, though, indeed, it is in a French-speaking province, because it's close enough to be comfortable yet still provides some adventure and opportunities for learning another language. We'll see. The school is a good one, and their Linguistics Department is good, but their Lit. program leaves something to be desired, as far as my interests go. There is no composition program to speak of.
On the other hand, I've been (trying) to work on several projects at once: one concerns a conference paper for two different conferences--I've been doing the preliminary research, but I keep feeling like I need to be ready to start writing something. I need to remind myself that research is a slow process and that it's okay to not have a paper in the works just yet. The conference papers are due in October and April (respectively), so I've got me a little time. I've also been working on research for the MLW (multilingual writer) GAship I will be holding in the fall. That has been going a little smoother, perhaps because of my background, and the planning there seems much more straightforward. I have only to prepare (for the moment) activities and presentations; the report will not be due until April/May. I feel much more confident about that. Finally, I'm working to plan my 220 class in the fall. I have a much better sense of where I'm going with that course now, but I have yet to gather up all the reading for it--and I need to have materials for my students by the end of July. I've started making the PDFs for the reader, and I have a good idea of the books they'll need (aside from a cheap writing handbook), but I still feel a bit lost. I think the reason has more to do with the wide array of things I want them to read and consider and the very little time they have to do that. The assignments are coming together too. Hopefully by mid-July I will have a schedule prepared. I am not worried about MLW 101 planning (recycling is a privilege of the second-year teacher).
On another note, and much less boring (maybe), I sat down with a few old papers I wrote this evening. I discovered one as I was picking out some possibilities for reading for my 220 class. It was a case study on language use written for a 540 class entitled "American English and Literature," or something of that nature. It wasn't a bad paper, necessarily. The idea was solid, as was the evidence in the case study itself. However, the total breadth of evidence (as well as stylistic flair) was hugely impoverished. It seems amazing to me how much I've grown as a scholar and writer in just a little over a year. Then again, papers I wrote the very next semester were light years better than the papers I wrote for my first fall semester at UNM. I think working two jobs, being down in the dumps about not getting into graduate school for Linguistics, and switching discourses played a significant role, but, nonetheless, I'm both proud to say I've improved and depressed to acknowledge that I turned in such rubbish for a grade. Sigh, I think I'm letting the stress of papers past get to me because of the papers to come. At least I'm becoming much more comfortable with the idea of my upcoming GAship, if not my position as the teacher of a sophomore-level course. I will get that figured out too, especially once I finish gathering up the readings.
I hate that I still have no idea what I want to do "when I grow up." I think Medieval Studies is looking like a good option--I, apparently, have a certain talent for it, and I do enjoy it (I tend to lose myself much more effectively in my work when I'm doing that than when I'm working in rhet/comp. Though I have to say that being free to do my own research at my own pace has been one of the greater boons of the summer.) In any case, we'll have to see. I think I'd rather go to France for a year and teach English, but that requires getting accepted to a program like that. Plus, what if I get accepted into a better PhD program with good funding? I'd have to take that option. I'll get it figured out, I always do. I'm itching to get out of New Mexico, finally, and it's taking a whole lot longer than I would have liked. However, when I moved back two years ago, I really needed it. I'm just rambling. I need to start working on my papers for my portfolio as well. ~shakes head~ All in good time.
On a completely unrelated note, I'm single again, which seems all at once liberating (I don't need to get tied down here--I need to get out!) and lonely. I miss the companionship even if I'd probably only use it as a convenience anyway. That is, when lonely I'd seek conversation and otherwise I'd work on my projects. Had a beer with a friend this weekend at Gecko's, which mitigated the loneliness. It was a little awkward, though, to be discussing his rocky relationship with his girlfriend--I'd rather have just discussed weird students and funny stories, but I could tell he needed to talk. Ahwell, this coming weekend should provide a well-needed reprieve.
I don't even know what I'm saying, I'm just typing to get it all off of my mind. I saw the newest Harry Potter trailer (which can be found on imdb.com, as well as YouTube, quite likely), and I'm wondering how I will pass my life between now and November. I'm sure I'll find a way.
The usual sign-off
k-j
I've been thinking about too much lately, and planning too much lately, and the stress is showing. I looked at a few PhD programs this weekend (McGill among them), and the stress set in immediately. In a flight of fancy (to alleviate the stress), I looked at programs in the UK. Though I know I could find a good MPhil program in Medieval Studies there, the cost is so exponential and the payoff so little (well, in practical terms) that I know I cannot give in. However, perhaps I can give in to an expensive flight of fancy when I start the application process--just to see. The thing is, if you get a PhD in the UK, you have to work in the UK (or the EU); you can't possibly work in the United States (though one would think that an education at Cambridge would more than qualify one for a job, especially if that education was in Medieval Studies, but there you have it). Sigh, I just need to get out, to get away. I'd love to spend a year in a place that is just far enough away, doing something challenging, but without the additional stress of trying to function in a second language. McGill also seemed a good possibility, though, indeed, it is in a French-speaking province, because it's close enough to be comfortable yet still provides some adventure and opportunities for learning another language. We'll see. The school is a good one, and their Linguistics Department is good, but their Lit. program leaves something to be desired, as far as my interests go. There is no composition program to speak of.
On the other hand, I've been (trying) to work on several projects at once: one concerns a conference paper for two different conferences--I've been doing the preliminary research, but I keep feeling like I need to be ready to start writing something. I need to remind myself that research is a slow process and that it's okay to not have a paper in the works just yet. The conference papers are due in October and April (respectively), so I've got me a little time. I've also been working on research for the MLW (multilingual writer) GAship I will be holding in the fall. That has been going a little smoother, perhaps because of my background, and the planning there seems much more straightforward. I have only to prepare (for the moment) activities and presentations; the report will not be due until April/May. I feel much more confident about that. Finally, I'm working to plan my 220 class in the fall. I have a much better sense of where I'm going with that course now, but I have yet to gather up all the reading for it--and I need to have materials for my students by the end of July. I've started making the PDFs for the reader, and I have a good idea of the books they'll need (aside from a cheap writing handbook), but I still feel a bit lost. I think the reason has more to do with the wide array of things I want them to read and consider and the very little time they have to do that. The assignments are coming together too. Hopefully by mid-July I will have a schedule prepared. I am not worried about MLW 101 planning (recycling is a privilege of the second-year teacher).
On another note, and much less boring (maybe), I sat down with a few old papers I wrote this evening. I discovered one as I was picking out some possibilities for reading for my 220 class. It was a case study on language use written for a 540 class entitled "American English and Literature," or something of that nature. It wasn't a bad paper, necessarily. The idea was solid, as was the evidence in the case study itself. However, the total breadth of evidence (as well as stylistic flair) was hugely impoverished. It seems amazing to me how much I've grown as a scholar and writer in just a little over a year. Then again, papers I wrote the very next semester were light years better than the papers I wrote for my first fall semester at UNM. I think working two jobs, being down in the dumps about not getting into graduate school for Linguistics, and switching discourses played a significant role, but, nonetheless, I'm both proud to say I've improved and depressed to acknowledge that I turned in such rubbish for a grade. Sigh, I think I'm letting the stress of papers past get to me because of the papers to come. At least I'm becoming much more comfortable with the idea of my upcoming GAship, if not my position as the teacher of a sophomore-level course. I will get that figured out too, especially once I finish gathering up the readings.
I hate that I still have no idea what I want to do "when I grow up." I think Medieval Studies is looking like a good option--I, apparently, have a certain talent for it, and I do enjoy it (I tend to lose myself much more effectively in my work when I'm doing that than when I'm working in rhet/comp. Though I have to say that being free to do my own research at my own pace has been one of the greater boons of the summer.) In any case, we'll have to see. I think I'd rather go to France for a year and teach English, but that requires getting accepted to a program like that. Plus, what if I get accepted into a better PhD program with good funding? I'd have to take that option. I'll get it figured out, I always do. I'm itching to get out of New Mexico, finally, and it's taking a whole lot longer than I would have liked. However, when I moved back two years ago, I really needed it. I'm just rambling. I need to start working on my papers for my portfolio as well. ~shakes head~ All in good time.
On a completely unrelated note, I'm single again, which seems all at once liberating (I don't need to get tied down here--I need to get out!) and lonely. I miss the companionship even if I'd probably only use it as a convenience anyway. That is, when lonely I'd seek conversation and otherwise I'd work on my projects. Had a beer with a friend this weekend at Gecko's, which mitigated the loneliness. It was a little awkward, though, to be discussing his rocky relationship with his girlfriend--I'd rather have just discussed weird students and funny stories, but I could tell he needed to talk. Ahwell, this coming weekend should provide a well-needed reprieve.
I don't even know what I'm saying, I'm just typing to get it all off of my mind. I saw the newest Harry Potter trailer (which can be found on imdb.com, as well as YouTube, quite likely), and I'm wondering how I will pass my life between now and November. I'm sure I'll find a way.
The usual sign-off
k-j