Laziness

Apr 24, 2009 17:30

Finals are here. I have two very large paper projects due next week and another one the week following that. I haven't even started writing any of them. Today was meant to begin writing and transcribing and translating my translation project for my Old English Prose class. I got all of my work done for the law firm. I even cleaned the kitchen. I watched SVU, took a shower, smoked lots of cigarettes, and, somehow, never started working on this project. I did, finally, find my primary sources, so I suppose that's a good thing. It occurred to me that I'm stressed and, as a result, very likely a tad depressed. About what I'm not sure.

Let's break it all down a bit.

1. I got accepted to graduate school. Though...I'm not quite sure the program's right for me. Sure, it'll be practical, which is always good. But after that, I'll want to address my dreams. (So why am I not addressing them now? Oh, yes, because I did not think I would be accepted to the Literature program. Ah.)

2. My Old English professor is attempting to bribe me to switch programs. I want to be bribed. I was so touched the other day when she told me that she thought I had a real gift and that she thought Old English and medieval literature were areas in which I'd be very successful for a long time. (~Blush~ And all I did was try to do well on everything).

3. I was accepted to CU Boulder (by default). They want to know of my decision soon. I'm going to turn them down. No promise of funding. No rapport with professors.

4. I received a TA position at UNM, full tuition remission, a stipend, and all that. I know I've got to take it, it's the chance of a lifetime (perhaps...arguably). I'm being handed all of my dreams on a silver platter, and yet... Really I'm just scared. How can I teach 18-yr-olds how to write? I barely know how to write. ~grumbles~ I will have to get over that fear.

5. My trip to Portugal is coming together, but I shall have to put all that stuff on the back burner until I have more time.

6. I'm working all weekend and attending, as in, walking IN, the breast cancer walk this weekend.

Sigh, now that we've looked through it all, I'm sure it'll seem just as odd to you why I would be depressed. Stressed out perhaps, but not depressed. I'm moving up in the world, if you will.

Perhaps what's really bothering me is that I know what I REALLY want to do - Medieval studies - and I'm not doing it (yet). I must have patience. I can find my way back to that.

Sigh...alright, Aethelflaed, I'll get to you...at some point. Before Tuesday at 5pm, preferably.

Love/hugs/and kisses for all
k-j
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