Unprepared ch. 2
Media: Fic
Title: Unprepared
Author: nohopenolove
Rating: M
Pairings: Kurt/Blaine
Word Count: 1009
Warnings: language, lost of angst
Spoilers : 3x05
Summary: Kurt thought he was ready to take that step with Blaine. Everything was perfectly planned, but as always nothing goes according to plan
Disclaimer: Not mine :(
A/N: I only hope you'll like it :) tumblr
1/
The next morning Kurt tried to call Blaine about 20 times. Resigned, he thrown his phone on the bed, and decided to reorganize his closet. When he was halfway through planning his outfits for the next week his phone buzzed. Kurt unlocked it and opened the message. It was from Blaine.
“Kurt I’m sorry that I didn’t answered my phone earlier. I know you’ve been worried I just needed some time alone, and after what happened yesterday I think it’d be the best for both of us if we split up for a while. I clearly hurt you, and I don’t want this to happen ever again. You need to understand that I’m doing it because I love you and that I’m trying to protect you from myself. I think that for now we don’t have to tell anyone, I’d like to avoid unnecessary fuss because of that. Also I’d like us to be civil towards each other at school, but after school I’m asking for zero contact between us. I know you hate me right now, I hate myself too, but I’m doing it to make things on a long term better between us. I love you always. Remember that”
His phone landed on the floor. Kurt covered his mouth with his hand to silence frantic sobs escaping his body. Tears were streaming down his face. He could feel like his legs slowly turned into cotton. No longer, being able to stand, Kurt slump down onto his bed. He buried his face into the pillow and cried. Thank god he remembered his Dad telling him earlier that week, that he and Carole are leaving early in the morning to spend this weekend alone. Finn was at Puck’s and he won’t be back until Sunday evening.
He didn’t remember anything much from that weekend. He was crying to oblivion, passing out from exhaustion for a couple of hours, waking up and everything was repeating itself all over again.
On Sunday evening he has written a note to his father telling him that he wasn’t feeling very well and he went to bed earlier that day.
Later when he was lying in his bed, and sleep didn’t want to come, clenching pillow tightly against his chest and for the first time he allowed himself to think about what Blaine said.
He said that he loved Kurt, and that he did for them. To help, their relationship. But what if it was only an excuse so Blaine could break up with him. Find someone better, more experienced, funnier than Kurt, someone who won’t dress so flamboyant or sound like a girl, someone with who Blaine won’t be embarrassed to show with in public.
Maybe Sebastian was right maybe Blaine was too good for him. Maybe Kurt was just some weird faggy kid that is afraid of other people touch and no one really wants to be with. Maybe he’s destined to be alone.
Such thoughts were panting inside his head, until around 5 am he practically unconscious drifted into restless sleep.
When Kurt woke up an hour later he felt like shit. The only thing he wanted to do was curling up in bed, and never leaving it again. Finally after finding enough physical strength to get up, he went to the bathroom with intention to drown himself. Before getting into the shower he looked at his reflection in the mirror. With a first glance at himself he could safely say that besides feeling like shit he also looked like shit. He was paler than usual. Huge bags, has formed under his eyes after sleepless nights. He also might, lost a few pounds during this weekend, because every time he tried to eat something he ended throwing up.
Shower didn’t help at all. His muscles still were tense, and salty tears were mixing with pouring water. He never wanted to leave his room. He knew he wasn’t prepared to see Blaine, not without bursting into tears in the middle of corridor.
When he got out of the shower he decided to skip his moisturizing routine. He didn’t style his hair like he usually did. Even clothes which he put on were randomly chosen.
He didn’t see the point in trying even the slightest. The only person he truly loved and wanted to impress didn’t want him. So why even bother. It’s not like there was a queue of cute guys waiting for him to be single again. Besides he only wanted Blaine nobody else.
Breakfast was a disaster. His Dad was looking at him suspiciously. Constantly asking is everything ok, why Kurt is not eating anything, and is he aware how sick he looks. Kurt got rid of him by telling that he has a stomach bug, and he was puking all night which was partially true.
Burt insisted that Kurt should stay home, but he brushed him off telling that he simply can’t miss classes not during his senior year.
Ride to school wasn’t particularly pleasant either. Tension in the car was practically unbearable. Finn couldn’t stop looking at him. Kurt saw that he even tried to ask about something but after opening his mouth his step-brother immediately shut them not knowing what to say.
When Kurt pull over in a parking lot he told Finn to go and don’t wait up for him, because he needed to check something before classes started.
Finally when he was alone and there was no one in sight, Kurt once again let his tears freely stream down his face. You can do this he told himself. You were alone before, this is nothing new to you. Old habits die hard right?
When there were no more tears to cry. Kurt wiped his eyes and got out of car. He took a deep calming breath and he was turning around to go in school direction when he suddenly felt horrible freezing feeling going down through his body and a very painful sting in his eyes.