Invisible Illness: Chapter 8
Media: (Fic)
Title: Invisible Illness: Chapter 8
Rating: Pg-13
Spoilers (if any): None
Warnings (if any): None
Word Count: 4100+
Summary: Kurt and Blaine discuss what happened at the Anderson house, and afterwards Kurt discovers just how horrible migraines can really be.
Author's Note: This is a therapy fic. I'm writing this as a way to cope with the struggles that come with Invisible Illnesses, both having one myself, and living with a family member with multiple ones. If at any time the characters in this story seem to have struggles so far out there, that it all seems made up, please keep in mind that these are the struggles of those living with Invisible Illnesses every day, and none of them are made up.
Invisible Illnesses expected to turn up in this story: Chronic Migraines, Multiple Sclerosis, Fibromyalgia, and Diabetes. Others may make appearances, but these you can be sure will show up.
Author's note #2: I wrote this chapter three different times. The first draft sucked. The second draft was better. The third draft was only written because I developed a partial/non debilitating migraine-headache tonight. So naturally, I had to pass it on to Kurt. Hope you all enjoy.
As the two boys got to the cafeteria they purchased some coffee from the cafeteria staff and sat down at a table, far enough away from any other students that they wouldn’t be overheard. Because this was definitely a conversation that wasn’t to be shared. They both sat there staring at each other for a few minutes, unsure of who should start. Finally, Kurt took a deep breath. “So I have to ask, did you bring me to your house yesterday, with the intent to have your mother sit me down for a migraine-vention?”
Blaine hesitated slightly, but spoke calmly. “Yes and no….” Blaine closed his eyes for a moment. “I knew mom was going to be home, and I did bring you over with the intention that if you brought it up, she’d be there to talk to you about it, but I didn’t ask her to bring it up out of the blue with you. Though I don’t know if it was completely out of the blue…she told me later she heard our fight…” Blaine stared at the table they were sitting at. Kurt nodded.
“Why couldn’t you just leave it? I was fine with the way I was handling the migraines.” Blaine swallowed and looked up into Kurt’s eyes.
“Because you weren’t handling them, not really. You were letting them consume your life.” Blaine told him, his voice pained with grief. “I hate seeing you like that.”
“But it’s up to me, to decide how to handle them, Blaine. You can’t try to control me, directly or indirectly. Trying to force your mother into giving me an intervention, isn’t the way to get what you want…or what you think I need.” Kurt pointed out to him. Blaine nodded, he knew that instinctively but he also knew that watching Kurt be in such pain has been one of the hardest things he’s ever had to do.
“But don’t you want to be healthy? Don’t you want to live your life without pain? To live without fear of migraines and other headaches?” Blaine asked, practically begging Kurt to agree with him.
Kurt nodded. “I do, but going to the doctor doesn’t necessarily mean that’ll make things better. It could make things worse…”
“How? How can going to a doctor, and getting medication to make the migraines go away, possibly make things worse?” Blaine asked, baffled at his boyfriend’s naivety.
“What if it’s something worse than just simple migraines, Blaine? What if it’s something that could kill me, or even worse, debilitate me for the rest of my life?” Kurt told him. “I’ve looked up what can cause migraines… aside from MS like your Aunt Jen, there’s a whole host of other things that can cause them.”
“And if you have one of them, it’s better to be treated, than to let it go untreated.” Blaine reasoned with his boyfriend, to no avail.
“But I don’t want to know. I don’t want to know if something is seriously wrong with me that I’ll end up….” Kurt’s voice choked for a second, but got the rest of what he wanted to say out. “…dying or something. I don’t want to know if I have cancer…” Kurt stared at his coffee, and Blaine sighed.
“Kurt, I know it’s scary, but not knowing is worse than knowing. They say ignorance is bliss, but it really isn’t. Sure not knowing will make you happy for a while, until something happens and you end up at the hospital, finding out it’s too late to do anything about it!” Blaine harshly told him. “Do you really want to do that to everyone who cares about you? Do you want your father to find out that his son is dying and if they had only caught it sooner, he might have been saved?” Blaine looked distraught.
“Of course I don’t want that!”
“Because that can happen, Kurt! You know it can happen.” Blaine gave him a pointed look, which indicated that Kurt knew he was talking about his mother. “Do you really want your father to go through that again? You’re the last thing he has left of your mother, don’t do this to him, and make the same mistake that happened to her.” Kurt looked down at the table.
“I’m scared Blaine…” Blaine sighed softly to himself, and quickly grabbed both of Kurt’s hands. Kurt momentarily looked up until he caught Blaine’s gaze and they just stared into each other’s eyes while Blaine began to speak again.
“I know you’re scared, but finding out what is wrong, is the best way to make you less scared. You don’t have to go through it alone, Kurt. Your father will be there for you. I’ll be there for you. Everyone will be there for you, you don’t have to do it alone.”
BRRRRRIIIINGGGGG
That was the signal that homeroom was going to start in 5 minutes and that they had to get going before they were late. They both stood up and Blaine pulled Kurt into a hug. “You don’t have to do it alone.” He whispered into his ear before they started walking out.
Later that day, during French class with Madame Monroe, the class was set to work reading aloud a section from Victor Hugo’s Les Miserables, and Kurt was drifting in and out of paying attention. He had read the entire book, in English and French before, for pleasure not required, and could recite the plot in his sleep, so he wasn’t too worried about the class. But as he was drifting in and out, he noticed that his sight started to shift a tiny bit. It never did it before. It was almost as if the walls in the classroom were moving closer to him, and then moving back to their normal spots without him realizing it. He was a little concerned, but since he didn’t know what was doing it, he didn’t bother paying much attention to it, and began actually paying attention to the section of the story they were supposed to be reading.
But paying attention was a little harder than he thought it would be, when he felt a sharp stab of pain in the back of his head that made him inhale a sharp breath and rub the spot on his head which didn‘t help at all. It made a few people look at him funny, including Madame Monroe. “Monsieur Hummel, ça va bien?” (Mr. Hummel, are you okay?”) After a couple deep breaths Kurt nodded.
“Oui Madame.” (Yes M’am)
“Allez-ici s’il vous plait.” (Come here please) Kurt stood up and walked up towards the front of the classroom. Once he got there, she took him into the corner of the room. “Is everything alright?” She asked, her conversation with Blaine fresh in her mind.
Kurt shrugged. “Right now? Yea. My head is just hurting a little bit, no big deal.” She gave him a look that he couldn’t quite place.
“Your head hurting isn’t ‘no big deal’ Kurt, you should know this by now. Do you think it’s going to turn into a migraine?” Kurt shrugged.
“I honestly don’t know.” She nodded.
“Go back and sit down. If it gets worse, remember you can always go to the nurse, you know?” Kurt nodded.
“Thanks Madame.” So Kurt sat back down and went back to paying attention to the other students who were reading. Everything was going fine, until Kurt started to zone out a little too quickly and was pulled back into reality by Jeff, a fellow Warbler sitting behind him, who poked him in the shoulder trying to bring him back to reality. Kurt was shaken out of his stupor a little too quickly, which wasn’t a great thing for someone who was already experiencing optical illusions with the walls. “Don’t do that…” Kurt growled at Jeff.
“Your turn to read is coming up…” Jeff whispered in his ear, which Kurt sighed and seemed relieved for though. After the kid in front of him finished reading, Kurt began. They were at the point in the story where Fantine was being fired from her job at he factory after everyone finds out she has an illegitimate child. He begins to read, and every few minutes, stops and rubs the side of his head. The pain that was once localized in the back, was slowly spreading forward. No one really paid much attention to that, since everyone was busy trying to read along, and pay attention to the entire story. No one else knew the story quite as well as Kurt did. But after a few more times Madame Monroe seemed to take pity on him and pushed the reading off to Jeff, so it wouldn’t add to Kurt’s problems.
But with Jeff speaking loudly, right in back of Kurt’s head, it definitely added to the problems. Jeff’s voice seemed to amplify the pain Kurt was already experiencing by about 10 times. It was not a pretty sight. Kurt put his head down and covered his ears, trying to drown out some of the noise that was coming from right behind him. But it was no use. The pain was just getting worse. It wasn’t stopping. The volume of Jeff’s voice, mixed with the optical illusions he was currently experiencing with the walls, and the sharp stabbing pain in the right side of his head, he knew he couldn’t stay in this class. He swiftly raised his hand. “Madame Monroe?” interrupting Jeff “Est-ce je peux aller à l'infirmière? (“Madame Monroe? May I go to the nurse?”)
“Oui Monsieur Hummel.” She said immediately, knowing how bad migraines can get, and how quickly they can evolve. Kurt began packing his things up and began to stand up, but lost balance for a moment and fell back into his chair. “Are you alright?” Madame Monroe asked her prized pupil, completely throwing her “French only” rule out the window as she rushed over towards his desk. Kurt just shook his head, which made the dizziness he was currently feeling even worse.
“No…I don’t feel well…at all.”
“You look pale..” Jeff pointed out, and Kurt just glared at him.
“Do you need someone to help you to the nurse?” Kurt hesitated, but nodded. “Jeff, can you help him? Then return immediately?”
“Sure Madame.” Jeff stood up and helped Kurt to his feet again, this time steadying his friend and fellow Warbler so Kurt could walk without falling over. They walked out of the room and began walking the 2 hallways it would take to get to the nurse’s office. “Dude, are you alright? What’s wrong?” Kurt groaned.
“Remember a couple weeks ago when Wes cancelled practice because I had a migraine and all the noise was killing me?” Jeff nodded. “I’m having another one, though this time it was your voice that did me in….” Jeff looked offended, but saw the pain etched onto Kurt’s face, and shrugged it off.
“Oh man, that must suck…” Jeff said a little too loud, and Kurt winced.
“They suck…this is the 6th…no 7th one I’ve had this month.” Jeff’s eyes bugged out of his head.
“Seriously? Seven of them within a month?” Kurt nodded.
“Actually 7 of them in 26 days. Yes I know it sucks, you don’t have to exclaim it so loud…”
“Sorry dude…” They reached the nurses office and Jeff sat Kurt down on one of the chairs in the corner of the room. The nurse entered in from the back room and saw the two boys.
“What brings you two here?” Kurt was leaning over with his head in his hands, so Jeff spoke.
“Kurt here has a migraine, and…”
“…was wondering if I could lay down for a while…see if I can sleep it off for the rest of the class period.” It was only 7:25, and class ended at 8:30, so he had an hour to try and make it go away, hopefully he could make it go away and he wouldn’t have to deal with missing any other classes.
“Does your teacher know you intended to sleep?” She asked, and Kurt nodded.
“She knows my history with migraines…” Kurt admitted. “She also knows that the only way I’ve found to get rid of them is to sleep them off.” The nurse looked hesitant, but gave in.
“Okay Jeff, you can go back to class. Kurt, let’s get you into one of the cots.” Kurt smiled appreciatively at the matronly woman. Kurt laid down in one of the rooms off of the nurse’s office with a cot and a blanket. He must have been more tired than he thought, because the moment his head hit the pillow, he was out.
He was woken up an hour later by the nurse, to see how he was doing, to which he was very annoyed about, because being woken up while trying to sleep off a migraine, is one of the worst things that can happen to a person, no matter how gently they’re woken up. Kurt groaned when she asked him “How are you feeling?”
“Like my head was tied a railroad 5 minutes after a train came to town…” Kurt muttered.
“You’re not going to be able to go to any of your other classes are you?” Kurt shook his head.
“Doubtful. The small amount of light coming in from the other room is making me want to claw my eyes out as it is…” She nodded.
“Why don’t I call your father? Have him come pick you up? You’ll probably feel better sleeping this off in your own bed.” Breathing a sigh of relief, Kurt nodded, choking back a sob.
“Thank you.”
Forty-five minutes later Burt was pulling into the Dalton parking lot and rushing in the front doors. After grabbing a visitor’s pass and making his way to the nurse’s office, he spoke to the nurse for a few moments before heading into the room his son was currently lying down in. Kurt hadn’t been able to get back to sleep since the nurse woke him up earlier, but was desperately trying to. “Hey son, how’s it going?” Burt asked, sitting on the edge of the cot. Kurt sat up and buried his head into his father’s shirt.
“Daddy, it hurts. It really hurts.” Burt wrapped his arms around Kurt’s back and held him close.
“Shhh, I know it does buddy, I know it does.” Kurt began to sob into his father’s chest, which was the worst thing he could do right now, because it would only make it worse, but Kurt couldn’t care about the repercussions of his actions, he couldn’t prevent the tears or the sobs from coming out. Occasionally you needed to cry. This was one of those times. “C’mon, let’s get you home.” Kurt nodded, and pulled out his sunglasses from his bag that he always carried with him, because he knew he was going to need them as he left the little cot-room.
After they left the nurse’s office, they were about one hallway away from the entrance, when the two of them saw Blaine walking out of the main office. He ran up to them. “Hey, what’s going on?” He asked, as he looked at Kurt, sunglasses on, and tearstained cheeks. For the first time since Burt arrived at the school, Kurt detached himself from his father’s torso and latched onto Blaine’s.
“He’s got another migraines…” Burt whispered. “I’m taking him home.” Blaine nodded, wrapping his arms around Kurt and hugging him as tightly as he could without hurting his boyfriend more.
“It hurts, it hurts so fucking much…” Kurt whimpered into Blaine’s neck. Blaine looked lost as to what to do. He had seen Kurt in pain before, but never this bad. He never saw Kurt crying because of the migraines, he had never seen Kurt be this clingy to anyone before. He did the only thing he could think of: kissed Kurt’s temple and whispered into his ears.
“It’s gonna be okay…It’s gonna be okay.” It was then that you could hear the sobs escape from Kurt’s mouth, the hitched breath that came along with it, and the sniffles that Kurt couldn’t help every time he tried to breath through his nose.
“C’mon Kurt, let’s go home.” Burt tried to pry Kurt off of Blaine, because Blaine wasn’t getting the rest of the day off. In fact, Blaine was expected back in class any minute.
“Go on, Kurt. Go home. Go to sleep. Get something to eat and go sleep this off. I have to go back to class.” He tried extracting himself from Kurt’s grasp. “You’ll feel better once you get home…” Kurt sniffed and wiped his eyes.
“No I’m not…” the hysteria seeping into his voice. “I’m not going to feel better, because these are just going to keep coming.” Kurt finally admitted. “They’re never going to stop. They’re just going to keep coming, and coming. They’re never going to stop, are they?” Burt and Blaine could only look at each other. They both knew what the other was thinking, but neither were brave enough to vocalize it, not with Kurt in the condition he was currently in. They both knew that the only way to control the migraines was for him to go to the doctor, but Kurt was having none of that.
“Go home, Kurt. I promise you will feel better sometime soon. You just need to get some rest.” Blaine offered, carefully avoiding the question.
“I love you Blaine.” Kurt tossed himself at his boyfriend once again, and Blaine quickly caught him and whispered soothing words into his ear.
“I love you too Kurt. Everything will be okay, trust me.” Blaine rubbed Kurt’s back as they hugged, which seemed to calm Kurt down a little bit.
“Let’s go Kurt,” Burt said a little more forcefully this time. Kurt swallowed the lump that had been building in his throat while he was crying into his boyfriend and father’s shirts.
“Call me later Blaine?” But Blaine shook his head.
“You call me when you’re feeling better, or I’ll call you in the morning. I don’t want to call and accidentally wake you up. I don‘t want to make it worse on you.” Kurt smiled and nodded. He had such a thoughtful boyfriend.
With that, the two Hummels left the Dalton grounds. Kurt laying in the back of Burt’s car, sunglasses on with his Dalton blazer slung over his head to block out any and all incoming sun through the tinted windows. Burt drove home in silence, not saying a word about the emotional breakdown that his son experienced in the middle of the school’s hallway, and not about how his son refused to do something about the migraines that caused the breakdown. He knew it was the last thing his son needed right now.
When they got to the house, Kurt quickly headed for his room. Luckily he had learned to keep the blinds closed throughout the day, in case things like this happened and he had to take a nap the moment he got home from school because, this wasn’t the first time.
Kurt quickly changed out of his Dalton uniform, and into comfortable pajamas because, he knew that he wasn’t going anywhere else today. He was housebound for the next 18 hours at the very minimum. He used to say that “Every moment of your life, is an opportunity for fashion.” However with age comes wisdom. And with wisdom comes the knowledge that the saying should be changed to “Every moment without exploding pain, is an opportunity for fashion.”
Kurt loved fashion, he really did. It was one of the most important things in his life. But even he could admit that there are situations in life that are more important than wearing the latest designs. Being comfortable while combating the worst migraine of one’s life? Definitely one of those situations. Because if Kurt had to describe what he was feeling, it would definitely be the worst thing he’d ever felt. Because he’d dealt with migraines before. They always hurt like hell, but this one takes the cake. It was so strong, and so immense in the amount of his head that it was hitting, that he couldn’t stand to….well put it simply, he couldn’t stand long enough to do anything besides change his clothes. So he quickly laid down on his bed and like earlier, the moment his head hit the pillow, he was out.
He woke up about 5 hours later, his head still pounding he was close to tears again. ‘This isn’t going to go away on its own…’ Kurt realized to himself. ‘They’re only going to get worse.’ The little devil on his shoulder told him. Kurt knew this. They were getting progressively worse throughout the past month, and he couldn’t catch a break from them. It was awful, and all Kurt wanted to do was curl up in a ball and sleep it off, but he had been doing that for the past 5 hours, and it did absolutely nothing for him. He curled back up and sighed. He knew he was never going to be able to sleep tonight, if he kept sleeping. He knew it, but on some level, he really didn’t give a shit. But that’s when he heard his stomach growl. He groaned.
He hadn’t had anything to eat since 6:30 this morning, and it was now roughly 3:30 in the afternoon. That was a long time to go without food, even for Kurt who ate like a bird usually. He got up and looked around in the dark for his sunglasses so he could put them on and go downstairs. When he got downstairs, he saw Burt sitting in the middle of the living room watching TV. Burt muted the channel and asked his son how he was feeling.
“I feel like crap. I’m dizzy, I’m nauseous, I have a headache the size of Texas. I’m weak and I don’t feel like doing anything but lying down and sleeping. If I didn’t know it was impossible, I’d say I was pregnant.” Burt snorted.
“Why don’t you have some of the leftover spaghetti we had last night?” He offered, Kurt nodded.
“That’s what I was planning on having. Then I’m going back to sleep.”
So that’s what Kurt did. He ate, and he went back to sleep. He missed out on dinner with the entire family once again because of his head. He didn’t wake up until around 9pm and Kurt sleepily walked downstairs, still looking as horrible as ever. Carole stood up and walked over towards him, pulling him into a hug.
“How’s the head, dear?”
“Great!” Kurt answered sarcastically. “I’m thinking about staring up into the sun for 20 minutes, just because. Oh wait…it’s nighttime.” Carole rolled her eyes.
“Not any better, huh?” Kurt shook his head.
“No, it’s worse.” She pushed him towards the kitchen, shutting the light off in there as she did so. She quickly went into the fridge to get out some of the grilled chicken that they ate for dinner that night.
“You hungry?” Kurt nodded.
“A little yea.” Kurt laid his head on the table, letting the coolness of the marble table send shivers down his spine, but it seemed to relax his head a little bit. “I don’t know why, but it is worse than it was earlier. Isn’t sleep supposed to make it better? That’s what it’s always done for them. But like…sleeping is only making it worse.”
“I don’t know what to tell you hon.” Carole said sympathetically. “All I can say is that I think you should see a doctor, but I know you don’t want to do that.”
Kurt said nothing, just looked at the floor. After his and Mercedes’ conversation from the day before, and his and Blaine’s conversation earlier, he had been slowly getting to the point where he’d be able to comfortably see a doctor… provided someone was with him at the time. But this last migraine was the clincher. It was the straw the broke the camel’s back. Because there were a lot of things he could deal with on a semi-daily basis, but a migraine as strong as this was not one of them. He couldn’t’ deal with the thought of leaving school every other day because of a migraine. He couldn’t deal with the thought of sleeping every day away because he couldn’t go out into the sun without wanting to dive under a rock. He just couldn’t deal with any of it.
“Carole…” Kurt swallowed the lump that was rising in his throat.
“Yes dear?”
“I think I’m ready to see a doctor now…” Kurt whispered, as tears started to pool in his eyes. Carole knew that Kurt seeing a doctor wasn’t the end to Kurt’s problems, it was only the beginning. But hopefully the beginning to finding a treatment that will help him overcome them. Because that’s all she or anyone else could ask for right now.
Master list for all my fics
Chapter 7 Chapter 9
Title: Invisible Illness: Chapter 8
Rating: Pg-13
Spoilers (if any): None
Warnings (if any): None
Word Count: 4100+
Summary: Kurt and Blaine discuss what happened at the Anderson house, and afterwards Kurt discovers just how horrible migraines can really be.
Author's Note: This is a therapy fic. I'm writing this as a way to cope with the struggles that come with Invisible Illnesses, both having one myself, and living with a family member with multiple ones. If at any time the characters in this story seem to have struggles so far out there, that it all seems made up, please keep in mind that these are the struggles of those living with Invisible Illnesses every day, and none of them are made up.
Invisible Illnesses expected to turn up in this story: Chronic Migraines, Multiple Sclerosis, Fibromyalgia, and Diabetes. Others may make appearances, but these you can be sure will show up.
Author's note #2: I wrote this chapter three different times. The first draft sucked. The second draft was better. The third draft was only written because I developed a partial/non debilitating migraine-headache tonight. So naturally, I had to pass it on to Kurt. Hope you all enjoy.
As the two boys got to the cafeteria they purchased some coffee from the cafeteria staff and sat down at a table, far enough away from any other students that they wouldn’t be overheard. Because this was definitely a conversation that wasn’t to be shared. They both sat there staring at each other for a few minutes, unsure of who should start. Finally, Kurt took a deep breath. “So I have to ask, did you bring me to your house yesterday, with the intent to have your mother sit me down for a migraine-vention?”
Blaine hesitated slightly, but spoke calmly. “Yes and no….” Blaine closed his eyes for a moment. “I knew mom was going to be home, and I did bring you over with the intention that if you brought it up, she’d be there to talk to you about it, but I didn’t ask her to bring it up out of the blue with you. Though I don’t know if it was completely out of the blue…she told me later she heard our fight…” Blaine stared at the table they were sitting at. Kurt nodded.
“Why couldn’t you just leave it? I was fine with the way I was handling the migraines.” Blaine swallowed and looked up into Kurt’s eyes.
“Because you weren’t handling them, not really. You were letting them consume your life.” Blaine told him, his voice pained with grief. “I hate seeing you like that.”
“But it’s up to me, to decide how to handle them, Blaine. You can’t try to control me, directly or indirectly. Trying to force your mother into giving me an intervention, isn’t the way to get what you want…or what you think I need.” Kurt pointed out to him. Blaine nodded, he knew that instinctively but he also knew that watching Kurt be in such pain has been one of the hardest things he’s ever had to do.
“But don’t you want to be healthy? Don’t you want to live your life without pain? To live without fear of migraines and other headaches?” Blaine asked, practically begging Kurt to agree with him.
Kurt nodded. “I do, but going to the doctor doesn’t necessarily mean that’ll make things better. It could make things worse…”
“How? How can going to a doctor, and getting medication to make the migraines go away, possibly make things worse?” Blaine asked, baffled at his boyfriend’s naivety.
“What if it’s something worse than just simple migraines, Blaine? What if it’s something that could kill me, or even worse, debilitate me for the rest of my life?” Kurt told him. “I’ve looked up what can cause migraines… aside from MS like your Aunt Jen, there’s a whole host of other things that can cause them.”
“And if you have one of them, it’s better to be treated, than to let it go untreated.” Blaine reasoned with his boyfriend, to no avail.
“But I don’t want to know. I don’t want to know if something is seriously wrong with me that I’ll end up….” Kurt’s voice choked for a second, but got the rest of what he wanted to say out. “…dying or something. I don’t want to know if I have cancer…” Kurt stared at his coffee, and Blaine sighed.
“Kurt, I know it’s scary, but not knowing is worse than knowing. They say ignorance is bliss, but it really isn’t. Sure not knowing will make you happy for a while, until something happens and you end up at the hospital, finding out it’s too late to do anything about it!” Blaine harshly told him. “Do you really want to do that to everyone who cares about you? Do you want your father to find out that his son is dying and if they had only caught it sooner, he might have been saved?” Blaine looked distraught.
“Of course I don’t want that!”
“Because that can happen, Kurt! You know it can happen.” Blaine gave him a pointed look, which indicated that Kurt knew he was talking about his mother. “Do you really want your father to go through that again? You’re the last thing he has left of your mother, don’t do this to him, and make the same mistake that happened to her.” Kurt looked down at the table.
“I’m scared Blaine…” Blaine sighed softly to himself, and quickly grabbed both of Kurt’s hands. Kurt momentarily looked up until he caught Blaine’s gaze and they just stared into each other’s eyes while Blaine began to speak again.
“I know you’re scared, but finding out what is wrong, is the best way to make you less scared. You don’t have to go through it alone, Kurt. Your father will be there for you. I’ll be there for you. Everyone will be there for you, you don’t have to do it alone.”
BRRRRRIIIINGGGGG
That was the signal that homeroom was going to start in 5 minutes and that they had to get going before they were late. They both stood up and Blaine pulled Kurt into a hug. “You don’t have to do it alone.” He whispered into his ear before they started walking out.
Later that day, during French class with Madame Monroe, the class was set to work reading aloud a section from Victor Hugo’s Les Miserables, and Kurt was drifting in and out of paying attention. He had read the entire book, in English and French before, for pleasure not required, and could recite the plot in his sleep, so he wasn’t too worried about the class. But as he was drifting in and out, he noticed that his sight started to shift a tiny bit. It never did it before. It was almost as if the walls in the classroom were moving closer to him, and then moving back to their normal spots without him realizing it. He was a little concerned, but since he didn’t know what was doing it, he didn’t bother paying much attention to it, and began actually paying attention to the section of the story they were supposed to be reading.
But paying attention was a little harder than he thought it would be, when he felt a sharp stab of pain in the back of his head that made him inhale a sharp breath and rub the spot on his head which didn‘t help at all. It made a few people look at him funny, including Madame Monroe. “Monsieur Hummel, ça va bien?” (Mr. Hummel, are you okay?”) After a couple deep breaths Kurt nodded.
“Oui Madame.” (Yes M’am)
“Allez-ici s’il vous plait.” (Come here please) Kurt stood up and walked up towards the front of the classroom. Once he got there, she took him into the corner of the room. “Is everything alright?” She asked, her conversation with Blaine fresh in her mind.
Kurt shrugged. “Right now? Yea. My head is just hurting a little bit, no big deal.” She gave him a look that he couldn’t quite place.
“Your head hurting isn’t ‘no big deal’ Kurt, you should know this by now. Do you think it’s going to turn into a migraine?” Kurt shrugged.
“I honestly don’t know.” She nodded.
“Go back and sit down. If it gets worse, remember you can always go to the nurse, you know?” Kurt nodded.
“Thanks Madame.” So Kurt sat back down and went back to paying attention to the other students who were reading. Everything was going fine, until Kurt started to zone out a little too quickly and was pulled back into reality by Jeff, a fellow Warbler sitting behind him, who poked him in the shoulder trying to bring him back to reality. Kurt was shaken out of his stupor a little too quickly, which wasn’t a great thing for someone who was already experiencing optical illusions with the walls. “Don’t do that…” Kurt growled at Jeff.
“Your turn to read is coming up…” Jeff whispered in his ear, which Kurt sighed and seemed relieved for though. After the kid in front of him finished reading, Kurt began. They were at the point in the story where Fantine was being fired from her job at he factory after everyone finds out she has an illegitimate child. He begins to read, and every few minutes, stops and rubs the side of his head. The pain that was once localized in the back, was slowly spreading forward. No one really paid much attention to that, since everyone was busy trying to read along, and pay attention to the entire story. No one else knew the story quite as well as Kurt did. But after a few more times Madame Monroe seemed to take pity on him and pushed the reading off to Jeff, so it wouldn’t add to Kurt’s problems.
But with Jeff speaking loudly, right in back of Kurt’s head, it definitely added to the problems. Jeff’s voice seemed to amplify the pain Kurt was already experiencing by about 10 times. It was not a pretty sight. Kurt put his head down and covered his ears, trying to drown out some of the noise that was coming from right behind him. But it was no use. The pain was just getting worse. It wasn’t stopping. The volume of Jeff’s voice, mixed with the optical illusions he was currently experiencing with the walls, and the sharp stabbing pain in the right side of his head, he knew he couldn’t stay in this class. He swiftly raised his hand. “Madame Monroe?” interrupting Jeff “Est-ce je peux aller à l'infirmière? (“Madame Monroe? May I go to the nurse?”)
“Oui Monsieur Hummel.” She said immediately, knowing how bad migraines can get, and how quickly they can evolve. Kurt began packing his things up and began to stand up, but lost balance for a moment and fell back into his chair. “Are you alright?” Madame Monroe asked her prized pupil, completely throwing her “French only” rule out the window as she rushed over towards his desk. Kurt just shook his head, which made the dizziness he was currently feeling even worse.
“No…I don’t feel well…at all.”
“You look pale..” Jeff pointed out, and Kurt just glared at him.
“Do you need someone to help you to the nurse?” Kurt hesitated, but nodded. “Jeff, can you help him? Then return immediately?”
“Sure Madame.” Jeff stood up and helped Kurt to his feet again, this time steadying his friend and fellow Warbler so Kurt could walk without falling over. They walked out of the room and began walking the 2 hallways it would take to get to the nurse’s office. “Dude, are you alright? What’s wrong?” Kurt groaned.
“Remember a couple weeks ago when Wes cancelled practice because I had a migraine and all the noise was killing me?” Jeff nodded. “I’m having another one, though this time it was your voice that did me in….” Jeff looked offended, but saw the pain etched onto Kurt’s face, and shrugged it off.
“Oh man, that must suck…” Jeff said a little too loud, and Kurt winced.
“They suck…this is the 6th…no 7th one I’ve had this month.” Jeff’s eyes bugged out of his head.
“Seriously? Seven of them within a month?” Kurt nodded.
“Actually 7 of them in 26 days. Yes I know it sucks, you don’t have to exclaim it so loud…”
“Sorry dude…” They reached the nurses office and Jeff sat Kurt down on one of the chairs in the corner of the room. The nurse entered in from the back room and saw the two boys.
“What brings you two here?” Kurt was leaning over with his head in his hands, so Jeff spoke.
“Kurt here has a migraine, and…”
“…was wondering if I could lay down for a while…see if I can sleep it off for the rest of the class period.” It was only 7:25, and class ended at 8:30, so he had an hour to try and make it go away, hopefully he could make it go away and he wouldn’t have to deal with missing any other classes.
“Does your teacher know you intended to sleep?” She asked, and Kurt nodded.
“She knows my history with migraines…” Kurt admitted. “She also knows that the only way I’ve found to get rid of them is to sleep them off.” The nurse looked hesitant, but gave in.
“Okay Jeff, you can go back to class. Kurt, let’s get you into one of the cots.” Kurt smiled appreciatively at the matronly woman. Kurt laid down in one of the rooms off of the nurse’s office with a cot and a blanket. He must have been more tired than he thought, because the moment his head hit the pillow, he was out.
He was woken up an hour later by the nurse, to see how he was doing, to which he was very annoyed about, because being woken up while trying to sleep off a migraine, is one of the worst things that can happen to a person, no matter how gently they’re woken up. Kurt groaned when she asked him “How are you feeling?”
“Like my head was tied a railroad 5 minutes after a train came to town…” Kurt muttered.
“You’re not going to be able to go to any of your other classes are you?” Kurt shook his head.
“Doubtful. The small amount of light coming in from the other room is making me want to claw my eyes out as it is…” She nodded.
“Why don’t I call your father? Have him come pick you up? You’ll probably feel better sleeping this off in your own bed.” Breathing a sigh of relief, Kurt nodded, choking back a sob.
“Thank you.”
Forty-five minutes later Burt was pulling into the Dalton parking lot and rushing in the front doors. After grabbing a visitor’s pass and making his way to the nurse’s office, he spoke to the nurse for a few moments before heading into the room his son was currently lying down in. Kurt hadn’t been able to get back to sleep since the nurse woke him up earlier, but was desperately trying to. “Hey son, how’s it going?” Burt asked, sitting on the edge of the cot. Kurt sat up and buried his head into his father’s shirt.
“Daddy, it hurts. It really hurts.” Burt wrapped his arms around Kurt’s back and held him close.
“Shhh, I know it does buddy, I know it does.” Kurt began to sob into his father’s chest, which was the worst thing he could do right now, because it would only make it worse, but Kurt couldn’t care about the repercussions of his actions, he couldn’t prevent the tears or the sobs from coming out. Occasionally you needed to cry. This was one of those times. “C’mon, let’s get you home.” Kurt nodded, and pulled out his sunglasses from his bag that he always carried with him, because he knew he was going to need them as he left the little cot-room.
After they left the nurse’s office, they were about one hallway away from the entrance, when the two of them saw Blaine walking out of the main office. He ran up to them. “Hey, what’s going on?” He asked, as he looked at Kurt, sunglasses on, and tearstained cheeks. For the first time since Burt arrived at the school, Kurt detached himself from his father’s torso and latched onto Blaine’s.
“He’s got another migraines…” Burt whispered. “I’m taking him home.” Blaine nodded, wrapping his arms around Kurt and hugging him as tightly as he could without hurting his boyfriend more.
“It hurts, it hurts so fucking much…” Kurt whimpered into Blaine’s neck. Blaine looked lost as to what to do. He had seen Kurt in pain before, but never this bad. He never saw Kurt crying because of the migraines, he had never seen Kurt be this clingy to anyone before. He did the only thing he could think of: kissed Kurt’s temple and whispered into his ears.
“It’s gonna be okay…It’s gonna be okay.” It was then that you could hear the sobs escape from Kurt’s mouth, the hitched breath that came along with it, and the sniffles that Kurt couldn’t help every time he tried to breath through his nose.
“C’mon Kurt, let’s go home.” Burt tried to pry Kurt off of Blaine, because Blaine wasn’t getting the rest of the day off. In fact, Blaine was expected back in class any minute.
“Go on, Kurt. Go home. Go to sleep. Get something to eat and go sleep this off. I have to go back to class.” He tried extracting himself from Kurt’s grasp. “You’ll feel better once you get home…” Kurt sniffed and wiped his eyes.
“No I’m not…” the hysteria seeping into his voice. “I’m not going to feel better, because these are just going to keep coming.” Kurt finally admitted. “They’re never going to stop. They’re just going to keep coming, and coming. They’re never going to stop, are they?” Burt and Blaine could only look at each other. They both knew what the other was thinking, but neither were brave enough to vocalize it, not with Kurt in the condition he was currently in. They both knew that the only way to control the migraines was for him to go to the doctor, but Kurt was having none of that.
“Go home, Kurt. I promise you will feel better sometime soon. You just need to get some rest.” Blaine offered, carefully avoiding the question.
“I love you Blaine.” Kurt tossed himself at his boyfriend once again, and Blaine quickly caught him and whispered soothing words into his ear.
“I love you too Kurt. Everything will be okay, trust me.” Blaine rubbed Kurt’s back as they hugged, which seemed to calm Kurt down a little bit.
“Let’s go Kurt,” Burt said a little more forcefully this time. Kurt swallowed the lump that had been building in his throat while he was crying into his boyfriend and father’s shirts.
“Call me later Blaine?” But Blaine shook his head.
“You call me when you’re feeling better, or I’ll call you in the morning. I don’t want to call and accidentally wake you up. I don‘t want to make it worse on you.” Kurt smiled and nodded. He had such a thoughtful boyfriend.
With that, the two Hummels left the Dalton grounds. Kurt laying in the back of Burt’s car, sunglasses on with his Dalton blazer slung over his head to block out any and all incoming sun through the tinted windows. Burt drove home in silence, not saying a word about the emotional breakdown that his son experienced in the middle of the school’s hallway, and not about how his son refused to do something about the migraines that caused the breakdown. He knew it was the last thing his son needed right now.
When they got to the house, Kurt quickly headed for his room. Luckily he had learned to keep the blinds closed throughout the day, in case things like this happened and he had to take a nap the moment he got home from school because, this wasn’t the first time.
Kurt quickly changed out of his Dalton uniform, and into comfortable pajamas because, he knew that he wasn’t going anywhere else today. He was housebound for the next 18 hours at the very minimum. He used to say that “Every moment of your life, is an opportunity for fashion.” However with age comes wisdom. And with wisdom comes the knowledge that the saying should be changed to “Every moment without exploding pain, is an opportunity for fashion.”
Kurt loved fashion, he really did. It was one of the most important things in his life. But even he could admit that there are situations in life that are more important than wearing the latest designs. Being comfortable while combating the worst migraine of one’s life? Definitely one of those situations. Because if Kurt had to describe what he was feeling, it would definitely be the worst thing he’d ever felt. Because he’d dealt with migraines before. They always hurt like hell, but this one takes the cake. It was so strong, and so immense in the amount of his head that it was hitting, that he couldn’t stand to….well put it simply, he couldn’t stand long enough to do anything besides change his clothes. So he quickly laid down on his bed and like earlier, the moment his head hit the pillow, he was out.
He woke up about 5 hours later, his head still pounding he was close to tears again. ‘This isn’t going to go away on its own…’ Kurt realized to himself. ‘They’re only going to get worse.’ The little devil on his shoulder told him. Kurt knew this. They were getting progressively worse throughout the past month, and he couldn’t catch a break from them. It was awful, and all Kurt wanted to do was curl up in a ball and sleep it off, but he had been doing that for the past 5 hours, and it did absolutely nothing for him. He curled back up and sighed. He knew he was never going to be able to sleep tonight, if he kept sleeping. He knew it, but on some level, he really didn’t give a shit. But that’s when he heard his stomach growl. He groaned.
He hadn’t had anything to eat since 6:30 this morning, and it was now roughly 3:30 in the afternoon. That was a long time to go without food, even for Kurt who ate like a bird usually. He got up and looked around in the dark for his sunglasses so he could put them on and go downstairs. When he got downstairs, he saw Burt sitting in the middle of the living room watching TV. Burt muted the channel and asked his son how he was feeling.
“I feel like crap. I’m dizzy, I’m nauseous, I have a headache the size of Texas. I’m weak and I don’t feel like doing anything but lying down and sleeping. If I didn’t know it was impossible, I’d say I was pregnant.” Burt snorted.
“Why don’t you have some of the leftover spaghetti we had last night?” He offered, Kurt nodded.
“That’s what I was planning on having. Then I’m going back to sleep.”
So that’s what Kurt did. He ate, and he went back to sleep. He missed out on dinner with the entire family once again because of his head. He didn’t wake up until around 9pm and Kurt sleepily walked downstairs, still looking as horrible as ever. Carole stood up and walked over towards him, pulling him into a hug.
“How’s the head, dear?”
“Great!” Kurt answered sarcastically. “I’m thinking about staring up into the sun for 20 minutes, just because. Oh wait…it’s nighttime.” Carole rolled her eyes.
“Not any better, huh?” Kurt shook his head.
“No, it’s worse.” She pushed him towards the kitchen, shutting the light off in there as she did so. She quickly went into the fridge to get out some of the grilled chicken that they ate for dinner that night.
“You hungry?” Kurt nodded.
“A little yea.” Kurt laid his head on the table, letting the coolness of the marble table send shivers down his spine, but it seemed to relax his head a little bit. “I don’t know why, but it is worse than it was earlier. Isn’t sleep supposed to make it better? That’s what it’s always done for them. But like…sleeping is only making it worse.”
“I don’t know what to tell you hon.” Carole said sympathetically. “All I can say is that I think you should see a doctor, but I know you don’t want to do that.”
Kurt said nothing, just looked at the floor. After his and Mercedes’ conversation from the day before, and his and Blaine’s conversation earlier, he had been slowly getting to the point where he’d be able to comfortably see a doctor… provided someone was with him at the time. But this last migraine was the clincher. It was the straw the broke the camel’s back. Because there were a lot of things he could deal with on a semi-daily basis, but a migraine as strong as this was not one of them. He couldn’t’ deal with the thought of leaving school every other day because of a migraine. He couldn’t deal with the thought of sleeping every day away because he couldn’t go out into the sun without wanting to dive under a rock. He just couldn’t deal with any of it.
“Carole…” Kurt swallowed the lump that was rising in his throat.
“Yes dear?”
“I think I’m ready to see a doctor now…” Kurt whispered, as tears started to pool in his eyes. Carole knew that Kurt seeing a doctor wasn’t the end to Kurt’s problems, it was only the beginning. But hopefully the beginning to finding a treatment that will help him overcome them. Because that’s all she or anyone else could ask for right now.
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Chapter 7 Chapter 9