Cierro los ojos bien y solamente pido un deseo...
^^^^^^^^^^ That says it all. I swear i lost all of my hopes and i lost faith in everything. I can't be that same person that i was before. I cant be that one person that alwasy busted out saying something stoopid when it was quiet. I am not that person that everyone saw that smiled soo much and laughed for anything. I am not her anymore. To tell you the truth, she died a long time ago. I can say that if i get involved in a fight i will loose really badly cuz i dont even have strengh to fight back. Everyday i feel weaker and weaker. If you take a really good look at me, i dont even have color on my skin. I lost a shytload of luster on my skin i dont glow or have that natural color at all. Everynight before i go to sleep, i pray to god to take my life away overnight to never wake up from my sleep to take me up there with him where i kno i wont ever suffer or feel the pain and agony that i always feel everyday. Sometimes i wonder why i was born or placed into a family where they care soo much bout the looks the money etc. I know alot of people out there could wish to have the things i have, a huge home with both of their parents together and parents that can give u anything you desire and want. To tell you guys the truth, i dont wish that for no one. I see familines like silvia's or Josephina's and they may not have it all but they have love for each other and thats wat counts the most. I wish i had a mother who was always there and who was actually there when i needed her. I wish i had a father who at least spend some time with his kids. yrs later, he makes us all feel like were just pieces of shyt. Those who've seen and my dad and talked to him wonder "he doesnt seem like that person" but hes not. He told me twice already in my damn life that im a fucking discrase to him that hes ashame to have a daughter like me. I find nothing wrong with dating someone who's colored. yeah hes made his mistakes back in the days but why do u have to bring up the past in the present. Hes in skool and hes working his ass off to go to college without his father's help. But my parents dont see that. They listen to wat people say to what my family says. My lil brother has developed a huge hate with my parents. yeah ill admit 2, i have hate for them but more of a passion towards my family. My lil brother isnt perfect but dont put him out that way. I was outside on top of the roof last night and i saw my lil brother arguing with my dad and my dad yelled at him really nast telling him that He cant believe he has a son like him as stupid as idiotic. hes ashamed of someone as stupid as him to be his son. I was left quiet i swear. thi house is just a big ass nuthole. noone leaves and u cant go out n e where unless they are around because they dont turst us. they want me separated from my boyfriend but im not gonna do that just because of them. well wat does this lead up to...well im moving far away from miami because my family's full of shyt. i dont want to leave i mean i have my whole life here...i grew up here i was raised here and eveything. i have everything i alwasy wanted here and to be ripped away from all of that i mean...DAMN! I dont want to leave and i refuse to leave with my parents to go a white skool?! hell naw. I want to graduate a fucking rocket...yeah i use to talk shyt bout my crappy ass skool but u kno now u start to appreciate the skool and u grow to love it. I dont know how or what or with what faith but i will find a way to stay here. SOMEONE HELP ME!!! at least keep me till im 18 and ill be str8 from there on. I need someone to please lend me a hand, im doing this not only for myself but for my lil brother as well. i dont want him to go thru wat i already passed and repassed. although i have lost faith in god and everything, i kno there may be a least one small slight chance for me and my brothers. They say that theyre doing this for our happiness and safety but thats bullshyt. if they took a second and stop listening to the family and all the shyt around them...if they cared sooo much bout our happiness, look at how much we suffer with them. look how we sink in deeper and deeper to a life filled with misery and suicidal thoughts around you. for once stop thinking bout the image and start thinking about your children. May god help us all in this fucking house. One day maybe we will be liberated from this fucking hellhole of a family. I think we might even need family therapy or something before one of the three kids commits suicide. well whoevers first will be able to see my departured grandfather and cousins. I need help...we need help. I cant go on living like this any more. I kno that if i cant find an escape i will find one by all means necessary. I need more than god.................