im back to ljay!
yello!..fuck i sound queerish but watevea! imf uckign back and here i am to fucking update my journal. HOLY SHYT well i slipped this bad word to my mom...i told her "fuck you" cus she called me some shyt that i didnt like...i swear as soon as i said that, the room got sooo fucking quiet that omg...i turned red and in my head i was like ::what did i just do?:: n my mom was like..."excuse me?" and she left. she hasnt looked at me in the face since. THATS GOOD!!!! well me n my mom havent gotten much of a good communication n e more. no not bcuz i told her "fuck u" its because she has different opinions of me now and she thinks im an idiot and whatever...but u dont care n e more and u kno now more than ever, we gotten farther n farther away from each other. u kno it kinda sucks to kno that ur parents r racism at the very end WHEN THEY KEPT IT TO THEMSELVES N NEVER SAID NADA WHILE IM CURRENTLY DATING A BLACK GUY!!!!!!!!!! which sucks ass. now all they tell me is, "so ur gonna finish high skool n leave right?" or "our grandkids r gonna be black" so yeah thats y now ur seeing my point as in why i could now care less when i said fuck u to my mother. but u kno, all the shyt they tell me only makes me stronger. ima prove my fucking parents wrong, ima show them im not worthless and theres nuthn wrong with going out with somebody thats different from the outside. which u kno now more than ever, i need a job bcuz ima work my ass off to get a damn scholar so i wont need my fathers money to go to UM and i promise that as soon as i hit the huge 1-8, im leaving my house for good. its just soo much that i can take from my family and everyone how they expect you to be the perfectionist and u kno the image that they want you to be. i dont want to be that, i kno im not perfect nor am i wrong. i kno the things i want and i kno i can get them without the help of my parents. basically yeah im apart from my family. the only people i can trust and talk to is my brothers and my cuznz. only them. well not really my cuznz since u kno they r actually that image and im not that. which also comes up to when they tell u "ohh why cant u be (insert cousins name) or as perfect as (insert other cousins name) or why cant u have a nice educated and well dress boyfriend like (insert other other cousins name here). soo yeah. uhm skoool.....strict!!! police everywhere now since the biggest fight of the century broke out. that'll be a story to tell in aother time. all ima say its like 10 fights in one!!! hardfuckingcore!!!! well cristinas baby christopher is turning "1" on saturday. KYRA TELL ME IF UR GONNA GO!!!! well n e ways ima let u go ima place colored weave on my hair...i found a way to color ur hair without dying it...i feel blessed!!!