Comments | kuroxfai: drabble: It Was

alliterationhor in kuroxfai

drabble: It Was

Sep 13, 2006 20:50

Title: It Was
Author: alliterationhor
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Spoilers: Yama.
Word count: 100.
Rating: R?
Author's note: wow, that's different.
Another note: so ends my second KuroFai notebook; this was written on the very last page.
ETA NOTE: thanks to darkness88 for helping me figure out the line that bugged me!
Fanfic archive hereComments/concrit ( Read more... )

Comments 12

yn_ame September 14 2006, 01:05:05 UTC

Oh, wow! This is a great drabble. I like the repetition of the sentance structure. And it all builds up to the two last line which just...I don't even have the words - it's perfect.

Hiya! evilteddybear10 September 14 2006, 03:11:38 UTC

Well, this was a good shot at poetic writing. I have to say I don't like it as much as I like your other fics. Then again, while I'm appreciative of angst, I don't like the idea of Kurogane and Fai having a completely sexual relationship. I'm a romantic and sex without romance makes me qeasy.

unaspi September 14 2006, 10:08:23 UTC

O____O

For it's short length, DAMN that was hot...

I'm all set up for the day now~ thank you!

ria_chan September 14 2006, 15:56:04 UTC

I like the description... It covered quite a bit for 100 words. (grins) Rather harsh, but I liked it all the same. One problem, though, and that's the last line. I don't know. It was perfect, but not perfect all the same... (hm) I think the last line, for only three words, couldn't have been substituted for anything better but it didn't, 'wow,' me like the rest of the fic. That's may seem really irrelevant, but I'm a sucker for last lines. XP

alliterationhor September 15 2006, 00:31:19 UTC

I was kinda aiming for harsh, so I'm happy that came across. actually, I kinda wanna switch the "words" line to somewhere else, but I don't know else it could fit. hm.

no, not irrelevant; I'm a sucker for last lines too! ;D

darkness88 September 15 2006, 20:59:29 UTC

Wow, I usually don't like short drabble, but since you wrote it I guess it's different. XD It definitely came across as harsh, but we like it that way ^_~ I especially liked the first 2 lines, they just throw you right in there!

The "words" line caught my eye too; it didn't seem to fit in with the rest of the lines?

alliterationhor September 15 2006, 22:34:51 UTC

yes! you win! I like "something" much, much better! that's what it was. it was good line, but it didn't fit, totally right. and now I don't hafta stare at it for an hour to figure out what was bugging me! yay!

thank you thank you thank you! ♥

Thread 6

yaired September 14 2006, 18:03:12 UTC

A strong description :)