1. 10/10 2. 8/10 The fanfic was heavy handed at first. However, the angst became a little more natural and believable as the fic continued. From the beginning, I did not expect the fic to continue to be as good as it was about portraying abuse. The one part that saddened me, and made the story believable was when Fay blamed his own 'condition' for his father's actions. Too often do kids try to justify abusive parents. I don't mean to go too far off tangent. 3. 7/10 Nicely portrayed. I noticed one mistake that you overlooked. "and he felt save." A very easy mistake to make. Not even my nifty grammar-check on microsoft word catches that. I do enjoy realistic angst and believe this story is on the right track. I am so picky with the subject of abuse because I come from a place of personal experience. Most often, fanfic writers are inexperienced with the subject matter or they are inexperienced at portraying abuse. I will give you props for avoiding some of the common pitfalls in fics that usually make me wince. Oh, and before I forget, I do like how you integrated other Clamp characters into the story, especially Fay's mom, Freya.
2. 8/10 The fanfic was heavy handed at first. However, the angst became a little more natural and believable as the fic continued. From the beginning, I did not expect the fic to continue to be as good as it was about portraying abuse. The one part that saddened me, and made the story believable was when Fay blamed his own 'condition' for his father's actions. Too often do kids try to justify abusive parents. I don't mean to go too far off tangent.
3. 7/10 Nicely portrayed. I noticed one mistake that you overlooked.
"and he felt save." A very easy mistake to make. Not even my nifty grammar-check on microsoft word catches that.
I do enjoy realistic angst and believe this story is on the right track. I am so picky with the subject of abuse because I come from a place of personal experience. Most often, fanfic writers are inexperienced with the subject matter or they are inexperienced at portraying abuse. I will give you props for avoiding some of the common pitfalls in fics that usually make me wince.
Oh, and before I forget, I do like how you integrated other Clamp characters into the story, especially Fay's mom, Freya.
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