History Mystery (Oneshot)
The last period of the day at settled in, and all the students seemed to share the same dull, lifeless expressions. In particular, Puck was resigned to trying to jump out the window to end the grief that was History. Karma wasn’t on his side, though; they were on the ground floor. It has been a double-session, something most students feared in their nightmares. Puck, was no exception to this, though History was particularly horrible due to one vain Jewish girl sitting next to him.
Everyone else in the room had been smart enough (and fast enough) to claim chairs for their friends. Puck had stupidly pointed out that Santana was sitting in the seat next to him when she was clearly seated on his other side. As he waited for the teacher to come into the class and begin the torture once again, Rachel couldn’t help but gush about how excited she was for practice after school.
Due to her unwavering persistence in talking to him, Puck felt trapped. He was now questioning why he was sitting next to Berry in the first place, even though it wasn’t by choice. And he honestly wondered how the hell they had started to discuss his love of bacon. There was no link, but that didn’t seem to stop Rachel who had started on a tirade of the Jewish kind.
“You’re a bad Jew, Noah,” Rachel gasped under her breath, her eyes flying wide before narrowing at the mohakwed boy to her right. This was a subtle punctuation mark to her three minute speech about the importance of faith.
“I’m a hot jew,” Puck defended, leaning back in his chair with his arm over the back. He hadn’t seen his rabbi since he’d been caught eating bacon. Maybe that was how it started…
“Fine, you’re a bad, hot Jew -” Rachel sarcastically agreed, her expression quickly souring as she heard Puck mock-gag at her words. “… I wish that sentence didn’t sound as bad as it did.”
“I feel like I need to set myself on fire.” Puck dismissed with a groan, running his hand down his face. He was actually entertained by the fact she had admitted that he was a hot Jew. It was something he knew, but the fact she confirmed it through sarcasm made his ego inflate just a tad.
“Okay, have fun! Make sure you use enough to kill you, seeing as you probably wouldn't want to live through those painful burns...” Rachel dismissed with a implausibly happy tone.
“You're a psycho,” Puck half-growled, angry that she wasn’t angry. Rachel was supposed to be angry. It’s how their little disagreements always worked. She’d be pissed off; he’d be content; they’d stop talking. This was backwards; it wasn’t supposed to be this way.
“And you're clearly not on fire, so please stop threatening to do it,” Rachel softly shot back.
“My sister would be pissed if I did it,” Puck pointed out in the same low tone.
“Mhm. Well. Don't set yourself on fire then. Just find other ways to deal with your issues...Instead of calling me fat or ugly,” she punctuated this point with a stern glare, her hand pausing as she dotted the end of the sentence.
“Okay, I’ll slushie you,” Puck resolved, settling back in his seat with his arms crossed.
“... Noah, please don't slushie me. I had a boy do it yesterday when I was at the supermarket - not cool.“ Rachel gently sighed, resuming her irreverent notes.
“It’s spreading? Hell yes,” Puck chuckled. He’d never actually seen Berry being slushied by anyone except himself… but then again, he hadn’t really paid much attention to her outside of school prior to joining Glee. She was a nerd. He was a stud. The two had very different cliques, and very different hangout spots.
“No! Not cool! It's actually quite painful! It went in my eye!” Rachel whined with unnecessary urgency, her voice resonating through the room a little more than she would have liked. People turned to look at her briefly before dismissing her
That was too perfect and he could barely contain the sheer amount of plausible jokes (insults). “Wouldn't be the first time you've gotten in the - I won't finish that…” Puck faded off, his eyes pretending to focus on the board before he scribbled some very brief notes. Maybe instantly associating Berry with such an act wasn’t so much funny as it was kinda hot. In a desperate kind of way - Santana had put herself off-limits for the week.
“I'm sorry, was that a stifled attempt at an ill-placed illicit joke?” Rachel scoffed as her hand flew up to her chest in utterly faked indignation. She probably loved it, she’s that desperate for attention, he decided with an assured smile.
“Possibly…” Puck shrugged off the question, propping his head up onto his head. The teacher glared at them, stifling their conversation for the moment. He continued to grin lazily at Rachel before his eyes shifted to the exposed thigh of a no-name Cheerio he’d screwed a few weeks ago. Puck felt his leg vibrate, a sensation he did not really anticipate (or enjoy). Upon unlocking his phone, it revealed that Rachel had sent him a message.
“...You're only doing this because Jesse isn’t around, aren't you?”
“No I’m just bored…xoxo”
“We’re in class? Pay attention! Take some notes!! And don’t xoxo me >:(“
“Santana's next to me and I'm staring at her boobs! I refuse to take notes”
“Stop staring at her chest, and take notes. You need to do well in school to stay on football, don't you? Or is the system corrupt?”
Rachel glared at Puck for a moment, shaking her head. It was unfair the amount of bias he got… she was a star, and she still had to work hard for her grades.
“But it's a really really awesome chest. And football season's over”
“... Then take notes on her chest, I have no idea how to fix your problem of boredom. :/”
“She tried to kill me when I wrote on her boobs last time. Chocolate novelty pen :)” Puck audibly chuckled as he heard Rachel’s minor intake of breath. He was lying, but she didn’t need to know that.
“I didn’t mean ON her chest. Why don't you just try to pay attention to the class? It can't be that bad. :(“
“It could be.”
“... It's like talking to a wall with you.” Rachel finally tweeted, setting her phone aside for the moment. She was in class, and notes mattered more than whatever Puck had to say in response.
Everyone else in the room had been smart enough (and fast enough) to claim chairs for their friends. Puck had stupidly pointed out that Santana was sitting in the seat next to him when she was clearly seated on his other side. As he waited for the teacher to come into the class and begin the torture once again, Rachel couldn’t help but gush about how excited she was for practice after school.
Due to her unwavering persistence in talking to him, Puck felt trapped. He was now questioning why he was sitting next to Berry in the first place, even though it wasn’t by choice. And he honestly wondered how the hell they had started to discuss his love of bacon. There was no link, but that didn’t seem to stop Rachel who had started on a tirade of the Jewish kind.
“You’re a bad Jew, Noah,” Rachel gasped under her breath, her eyes flying wide before narrowing at the mohakwed boy to her right. This was a subtle punctuation mark to her three minute speech about the importance of faith.
“I’m a hot jew,” Puck defended, leaning back in his chair with his arm over the back. He hadn’t seen his rabbi since he’d been caught eating bacon. Maybe that was how it started…
“Fine, you’re a bad, hot Jew -” Rachel sarcastically agreed, her expression quickly souring as she heard Puck mock-gag at her words. “… I wish that sentence didn’t sound as bad as it did.”
“I feel like I need to set myself on fire.” Puck dismissed with a groan, running his hand down his face. He was actually entertained by the fact she had admitted that he was a hot Jew. It was something he knew, but the fact she confirmed it through sarcasm made his ego inflate just a tad.
“Okay, have fun! Make sure you use enough to kill you, seeing as you probably wouldn't want to live through those painful burns...” Rachel dismissed with a implausibly happy tone.
“You're a psycho,” Puck half-growled, angry that she wasn’t angry. Rachel was supposed to be angry. It’s how their little disagreements always worked. She’d be pissed off; he’d be content; they’d stop talking. This was backwards; it wasn’t supposed to be this way.
“And you're clearly not on fire, so please stop threatening to do it,” Rachel softly shot back.
“My sister would be pissed if I did it,” Puck pointed out in the same low tone.
“Mhm. Well. Don't set yourself on fire then. Just find other ways to deal with your issues...Instead of calling me fat or ugly,” she punctuated this point with a stern glare, her hand pausing as she dotted the end of the sentence.
“Okay, I’ll slushie you,” Puck resolved, settling back in his seat with his arms crossed.
“... Noah, please don't slushie me. I had a boy do it yesterday when I was at the supermarket - not cool.“ Rachel gently sighed, resuming her irreverent notes.
“It’s spreading? Hell yes,” Puck chuckled. He’d never actually seen Berry being slushied by anyone except himself… but then again, he hadn’t really paid much attention to her outside of school prior to joining Glee. She was a nerd. He was a stud. The two had very different cliques, and very different hangout spots.
“No! Not cool! It's actually quite painful! It went in my eye!” Rachel whined with unnecessary urgency, her voice resonating through the room a little more than she would have liked. People turned to look at her briefly before dismissing her
That was too perfect and he could barely contain the sheer amount of plausible jokes (insults). “Wouldn't be the first time you've gotten in the - I won't finish that…” Puck faded off, his eyes pretending to focus on the board before he scribbled some very brief notes. Maybe instantly associating Berry with such an act wasn’t so much funny as it was kinda hot. In a desperate kind of way - Santana had put herself off-limits for the week.
“I'm sorry, was that a stifled attempt at an ill-placed illicit joke?” Rachel scoffed as her hand flew up to her chest in utterly faked indignation. She probably loved it, she’s that desperate for attention, he decided with an assured smile.
“Possibly…” Puck shrugged off the question, propping his head up onto his head. The teacher glared at them, stifling their conversation for the moment. He continued to grin lazily at Rachel before his eyes shifted to the exposed thigh of a no-name Cheerio he’d screwed a few weeks ago. Puck felt his leg vibrate, a sensation he did not really anticipate (or enjoy). Upon unlocking his phone, it revealed that Rachel had sent him a message.
“...You're only doing this because Jesse isn’t around, aren't you?”
“No I’m just bored…xoxo”
“We’re in class? Pay attention! Take some notes!! And don’t xoxo me >:(“
“Santana's next to me and I'm staring at her boobs! I refuse to take notes”
“Stop staring at her chest, and take notes. You need to do well in school to stay on football, don't you? Or is the system corrupt?”
Rachel glared at Puck for a moment, shaking her head. It was unfair the amount of bias he got… she was a star, and she still had to work hard for her grades.
“But it's a really really awesome chest. And football season's over”
“... Then take notes on her chest, I have no idea how to fix your problem of boredom. :/”
“She tried to kill me when I wrote on her boobs last time. Chocolate novelty pen :)” Puck audibly chuckled as he heard Rachel’s minor intake of breath. He was lying, but she didn’t need to know that.
“I didn’t mean ON her chest. Why don't you just try to pay attention to the class? It can't be that bad. :(“
“It could be.”
“... It's like talking to a wall with you.” Rachel finally tweeted, setting her phone aside for the moment. She was in class, and notes mattered more than whatever Puck had to say in response.