Don't Be Cruel. [oneshot]
Set post-Bad Reputation.
4.
Don’t Be Cruel
Be glad I didn't drunk dial you. ;) That is, I went out to a "party" last night. Yes, you read right. - R
Puck read the message several times through, distracted by the fact that Rachel Berry had felt the need to text this message to him in the first place. “What the hell,” he muttered, but even that didn’t properly express the weirdness of the situation. With a shake of his head, he replied without much care for proper grammar.
i’m shocked. you have friends?
Santana cooed from under the sheets on his bed, her head poking out. “The fuck? Why are you up?”
“Message from Matt,” he lied, not sure why he didn’t just say Rachel was texting him. It was probably because the reality of the situation hadn’t actually hit him yet. His phone buzzed again, a little too soon for his liking. Had she been waiting for him to reply?
Crazy Berry was really crazy, he had to admit.
Well, Jesse invited me along... But yes, I have friends. - R
Puck simply shook his head, running a hand over his newly-shaved head. For real, Rachel? Don’t you have any friends of your own? he thought to himself. In truth, he’d seen her talking to people at school but never for more than a few weeks at a time. The girl couldn’t hold onto friends.
no, he has friends, you have a boyfriend. that makes you a hanger on
Puck flopped backwards, collecting Santana up onto his chest with a smile. She smelled pretty amazing, even post-sex. No, wait, scratch that; especially post sex. He kissed at the shell of her ear for a moment, feeling suddenly appreciative of her; she was probably the best friend a guy could ever have. They’d known each other since they were about 6, and Puck couldn’t imagine life without her.
So what they weren’t dating? It didn’t stop him from screwing her at least four times a week. He just had no right to punch out dudes who checked her out unless she asked. That was probably the only difference, actually.
His phone vibrated on his bedside table once more, causing him to groan. Yes, he could just ignore her, but he didn’t want to let her feel like she had the last word in the situation. That was never cool.
I still went out to a party. So... Shut up. <3 I'm in a fabulous mood for once, let me be happy! - R
Did she just tell him to shut up? Hell no.
aren't you always irritatingly perky?
“Can you stop sexting Matt for like, two seconds?” Santana growled, tossing the phone aside and flipping over so she was straddling his lap.
Yes, he could stop definitely stop for the sexy Latina babe that was now stroking her hand down his front. His hands settled on her hips, hugging the curve of her waist tightly. There was a moment or two of hips shifting and remnants of clothes being discarded before they were going for round two.
It wasn’t until about half an hour later he actually remembered he had a message. The annoying blinking light from his phone was kind of an obvious indication - it was just Berry. Though, knowing her she was probably desperately wondering what was taking him so long to reply.
And now that Santana was downstairs making pancakes, he could probably have a couple of moments. He picked up the phone and read:
No, sometimes I have my quiet, brooding moments where I contemplate the artistic struggle I endure daily... :)
Puck actually laughed out loud at that. Fuck, what was this girl on? She was always trying to make herself seem like some dramatic Broadway star. In reality, Rachel Berry was a nobody. And, if he was being honest, the sooner she got over herself, the sooner he’d actually bother trying to get to know her. But seeing as she was so tightly wound on the idea of running off to New York, there was no being pleasant with her.
To him, having dreams was sweet or whatever, but not if you act like a bitch to everyone.
...PMS?
He could barely stomach the thought of her actually being a chick with chick issues, so that message was harder to send than he liked to admit. Girl issues creeped him out so fucking badly.
Rather than vibrate once, his phone kept going this time. He checked the screen and Berry had actually called him. Why did he answer? He wouldn’t even be able to tell you.
“Sup?”
“I was getting sick of texting,” Rachel pointed out quickly, as if sensing his confusion.
“Whatever.”
Rachel chuckled, not sensing that his annoyance was actually real. “And as for your response? Ha ha. No not necessarily girl issues!” Puck cringed. “Thanks for acknowledging I'm a woman for once.”
Puck rolled his eyes, searching his room for some clean clothes. What the fuck ever. He could smell pancakes wafting upstairs, and he knew there was a Latina minx behind it. “No, it's Santana that's a man. You're just weird,” he explained, pinching the phone between his shoulder and eat as he pulled on a pair of boxers.
He was half-tempted to tell her he was naked, just to scare her. But, somehow he felt that would be too mean; teasing her with something she’d never get? He’d never be that mean to her. Not intentionally, anyway.
“Well thank you! I'll take that as your half-not-really-a-compliment compliment for the day,” Rachel giggled. She actually giggled. It sounded like one of those tacky Disney princess laughs too. He bet that she practiced that as much as she practiced singing.
“I complimented you? I hate myself,” he smirked, doing up the fly of his jeans. Shirts were overrated anyway.
“... Ugh. I don't see why you have to be so continually cruel to me! Especially when I'm trying to be nice.”
Wow, where did that come from? Puck blinked, his face contorting into a confused frown. “This is you being nice?”
“I was trying, yes… But it's hard when you make comments. Really, Noah!” Rachel actually sounded a little hurt, and Puck wasn’t sure if it was actually his fault. He hadn’t been any more or less cruel than usual. Actually, since he wasn’t just hanging up on her, he thought he was being pretty nice. Well for him, anyway. And he called Santana a fat whore almost daily, and he loved her a lot, it was just a matter of adjusting to Puck-love.
“…Why?”
“Why am I trying to be nice? Or why do you make stupid comments?”
God, she was a bitch. Seriously.
“Why are you trying to be nice?” he half-sighed, running a hand down his face. “I know why I make "stupid" comments.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Rachel blurted out quite quickly, only confirming that it did matter. How did this girl manage to be so talented and crazy at the same time? He would never fucking know.
“It matters. Can you just hurry up and tell me?” Puck saw Santana at the door, wearing only an apron and her underwear. Why the hell was he on the phone? Oh right, Crazy Chick. He’d give her another few minutes then just tell her to go make out with Jacob or something.
“Because you're nice to Mercedes, Tina and every other girl in the group. It ruins group dynamic for us to be hateful.”
“I was nice to Mercedes because I wanted something,” he pointed out, scratching his shoulder for a moment.
“You were nice enough to help me with my film project, too, but I suppose that was for "something". Fine, I give up.” Rachel actually sounded defeated. Puck wasn’t sure what to say, his eyes following Santana as she skipped down the stairs. His sister and mother were out, so he had the house to himself.
Why was he talking to Berry then?
“Are you jealous?” he finally asked, grinning to himself.
“Jealous? Rachel Berry does not get jealous! What a totally false assumption, Puck.” Her voice went up an octave, her usually shrieky, angry voice coming out. He could picture her stomping her foot, pouting her lips and trying to glare even though she was checking out his guns. It was kind of funny when she tried to be angry at him.
“You sound it.”
“... I do not! Look, I'm going to go out to the mall now, so I shall speak to you later... Maybe.
.” Rachel hissed under her breath.
“You're so hilariously jealous, Rachel.”
The phone started omitting a dial tone, his lips parting into a clearly triumphant smirk. Berry was kind of amusing when she got all huffy and angry. Not in a cute way… He just liked to make her drop the demeanor of sugar-and-spice whenever he could. It was his specialty to get her all riled up.
“Done having phone sex with Matt?” Santana asked, sitting on the counter in the kitchen, her eyes heavy lidded in his direction.
“I can’t help it, Matt needed to tell me something,” Puck simply shrugged, walking over to her and pressing a few kisses down her throat.
“I know that was Manhands, Puck,” Santana said with a grin, her arms resting on his shoulders, her eyebrow raised the slightest. “Since when do you two have fights over the phone?”
“Shut the fuck up.” Puck looked blankly at Santana, his thumb massaging her hipbone.
“You are so going after Rachel’s berry,” she cackled, pushing him away. Santana hummed as she sat down at the breakfast table, piling several pancakes onto her plate. He joined her quickly, stocking up on as many pancakes as he could fit onto his large dinner sized plate.
He didn’t bother to deny the claim.
Because, hell, even being able to say that would make him smirk. And hey, she was crazy most of the time, so he assumed that she’d probably be pretty fun between the sheets. His mind wandered rather quickly to more illicit images, but it wasn’t worth thinking about.
Apparently she’d slept with Jesse anyway? That’s what Finn had said. Puck began cutting his pancakes with a little more anger than one would usually see directed at breakfast.