Life amazes me
It's crazy how you can go from compeletly happy in the moring to crying yourself to sleep at night. I'm getting sick of everything that's being thrown at me. I'm sick of being with people that make me cry. I hate being ignored. I suppose I deserved it though because I ignored her first. But I apologized. It seems like that's all I'm doing now. Apologizing for everything I think say or do. I don't want to be sorry anymore. I'm tired of saying these words to someone who obviously doesn't care. She says she does but shows no sign of it. This is why I don't go for the femme type. It's too much drama. Too much jealousy. Don't get me wrong, I do like it sometimes, but under the right circumstances. I don't like that I work 24/7 and don't get to see anyone but the one time I do decide to make plans, it's unacceptable because the girl I wanna chill with is also gay. I'm just tired. Mentally, physically, emotionally and I just can't take it anymore. Cried for 2 hours last night and my sister was trying to console me. Ended up waking my mom because of it. I felt terrible. I felt like I wanted to die. I'm trying hard not to remember who she is and how wonderful she made me feel sometimes, so that I wouldn't be tempted to call her and beg for forgivness. I'm sick of love. I'm sick of falling in love.