addicted to immediate gratification
I know that everyone probably goes through this feeling at times, the feeling of absolute utter futility. I've been feeling it more and more lately in connection with what I call my 'legitimate' writing. My legitimate writing is the writing I do based on my own characters, settings, and plots. Everything else is ficcing to me. It is however intoxicating to fic because ficcing allows me to get an immediate feeling of accomplishment. Those pieces are generally shorter and they already have a fan base. I'm essentially preaching to the converted. However, this eats up time I could and should be using for my actual novel, which I get no immediate happiness from because no one really gets to read it and offer me encouragement.
I want to feel like I'm not just spinning my wheels, but the truth is that is how I feel most of the time. Even with Brigit's Flame, which is not really ficcing and I even use those pieces toward magazine submissions at times, I get a sort of happy glow from other people reading my stuff and commenting on it. I have become I feel a victim of the easy dissemination of information. I want feedback, I want it now. I need it in order to keep bothering.
-headdesk- I don't know what to do now. I open my novel and stare at the pages realizing it feels rather like a millstone around my neck. Slowly cutting off my air. What happened to my enthusiasm for writing, real writing?
In other news, I downloaded a PDF version of Twilight. I made it to the first introduction of Edward, when she's looking at him across the cafeteria, before I realized I had already reached my threshold for the main character. Do I hate the book? No, I don't think I do. Do I realize that it is not the kind of book I'm going to enjoy reading? Yeah. First person is interesting, in small doses, to me. I can read an entire book written in first person, though I generally will want to sit the main character down and have a nice long talk with them about what is important enough to mention long before I ever get to the end. So anyway, I've read I think the first ten pages and that is all. -shakes head- I tried. Maybe when I'm thoroughly bored and looking for absolutely anything to make that feeling go away, I'll try again. For the moment though, I'm going to put the book on the list of things 'I tried and didn't so much care for' like brussel sprouts, which I will eat if that's what you have to offer, but I'm not going to cook them myself.
I want to feel like I'm not just spinning my wheels, but the truth is that is how I feel most of the time. Even with Brigit's Flame, which is not really ficcing and I even use those pieces toward magazine submissions at times, I get a sort of happy glow from other people reading my stuff and commenting on it. I have become I feel a victim of the easy dissemination of information. I want feedback, I want it now. I need it in order to keep bothering.
-headdesk- I don't know what to do now. I open my novel and stare at the pages realizing it feels rather like a millstone around my neck. Slowly cutting off my air. What happened to my enthusiasm for writing, real writing?
In other news, I downloaded a PDF version of Twilight. I made it to the first introduction of Edward, when she's looking at him across the cafeteria, before I realized I had already reached my threshold for the main character. Do I hate the book? No, I don't think I do. Do I realize that it is not the kind of book I'm going to enjoy reading? Yeah. First person is interesting, in small doses, to me. I can read an entire book written in first person, though I generally will want to sit the main character down and have a nice long talk with them about what is important enough to mention long before I ever get to the end. So anyway, I've read I think the first ten pages and that is all. -shakes head- I tried. Maybe when I'm thoroughly bored and looking for absolutely anything to make that feeling go away, I'll try again. For the moment though, I'm going to put the book on the list of things 'I tried and didn't so much care for' like brussel sprouts, which I will eat if that's what you have to offer, but I'm not going to cook them myself.