New Fic: Another Reason
Another Reason
By: Kuroi Atropos
Rating: PG-13 (for now, knowing me it will get worse.)
Pairings: Haven’t decided yet. See Warnings.
Summary: Suzaku decides to do something in order to make Lelouch and Nunnally safe from all that would harm them… Especially from what he sees in Lelouch’s eyes.
Warnings: This is probably OOC. Knowing me it will probably be slash eventually.
Part One
Lelouch was still as strong as he had been when they were children, staring only into the future he wanted with Nunnally.
But he still hated Britannia. He hated it for killing their Mother, hated it for the way it, and his Father, treated Nunnally after her injuries.
The only time the hate seemed to go away was when it was just the three of them, like it had been seven years ago. That was the only time that Lelouch didn’t seem to be hiding from the world.
Suzaku hadn’t really noticed that until the maid, Sayoko, had approached him one night on his way out while Lelouch was still choking and Nunnally still laughing in the background at his parting shot, and thanked him for making the two of them smile. She told him that the both of them had always seemed rather sad, no matter how often they smiled for each other or their friends. Then he came and they both opened up, their smiles seemed less fake, and it seemed as if they both regained some small hope for the future.
Suzaku had made sure to make even more time for the two of them after that. The idea that he would be someone so important to Nunnally and Lelouch was something that broke his heart. He would protect the two of them with his life, even if it meant protecting the two of them from their own loneliness.
He finally started to pay attention, and noticed that in a way Sayoko was right.
Lelouch was his best friend and Nunnally was an innocent and was Lelouch's life.
And all they truly had was each other.
There was no way he was worthy enough to be the rock that two such beautiful and broken people relied on for some sense of happiness, of safety. But he would do his best, because every now and then he saw how close Lelouch was to breaking for good. And without him, Nunnally would be helpless.
After his eyes were opened, he saw how Lelouch would relax that last tiny bit around him; smile as if he knew Suzaku would be there to hold him up, to protect Nunnally where he could not.
It created a strange barrage of feelings in his chest, that Lelouch trusted him with so much, the secret of his and Nunnally's parentage, Nunnally's safety, his thoughts on Britannia and the way he thought the world should change. Suzaku knew that he was the only one Lelouch would dare share these thoughts with. After all, everyone else would take him as a traitor and Nunnally would be too terrified about loosing her brother to truly just listen to his thoughts.
But then he noticed something else that made him worry even more.
Lelouch's eyes lit up whenever someone mentioned Zero or the Black Knights and about the way they wanted to change the world. Suzaku knew that Lelouch did not believe as he did, that you could change Britannia from the inside. He believed it too corrupt. Above all else, Suzaku noticed the way that the fire in Lelouch's eyes would ignite into a volcanic rage whenever someone mentioned a member of the royal family, especially the Emperor himself.
His friend truly did seem to hate the way everybody talked about how strong all the members of the royal family were or how smart or how good breeding always ran true.
Suzaku truly feared that despite all his love and care for Nunnally, Lelouch would do something stupid like run off and join the Order of the Black Knights. He didn't want to think Lelouch would do something that dangerous to his and Nunnally’s position, but at the same time Zero was spouting off the ideals that Lelouch had always believed in. Lelouch truly wanted nothing more than a changed world were Nunnally could be safe and happy and Zero was doing everything in his power to create that type of world.
Suzaku knew that no matter what happened, no matter what assurances and promises Lelouch heard from him or anyone else, he did not believe in Britannia any longer, didn’t believe in the ability of anyone to change a thing from within Britannia’s ranks.
He could stand in front of bullets for Lelouch, give up his gas mask to him, spend time with him to save him from his loneliness, but he didn’t know how to save Lelouch from his rage.
He couldn’t really trust Nunnally to keep Lelouch safely at Ashford Academy, not if Lelouch thought that what he was doing was in Nunnally’s best interest. He couldn’t trust himself either, Lelouch had always been smarter than him, better with words and with twisting people until they didn’t know which way was left or right.
The only way that Suzaku could think of to keep Lelouch and Nunnally safe was one that he knew would make at least Lelouch, and quite possibly Nunnally, despise him.
More than likely it would also make it so that he would never be allowed to be with those two again.
The deepest part of his selfish heart screamed at him to not do it. The part that wanted nothing other than Lelouch and Nunnally to be able to keep on smiling forever told him that he would be denying them that for eternity.
The part that was at least somewhat logical, knew that Ashford wasn’t safe for them. That one mad man had snuck into the school, kidnapped Nunnally and made them run around like Lelouch’s chess pieces just for kicks.
There were school outings, it was a surprisingly open campus, so many little things that made the soldier in him scream about sniper shots and ambushes of the people he cared about. There was the chance that Ashford would become a terrorist target, given the fact that it had so many of Area 11’s heirs. There was so much that could go wrong.
But Nunnally was happy, and even if Lelouch wasn’t as happy as his sister all the time, his shoulders would still loosen a little, and his smile came a bit quicker, and he didn’t seem to brood as much as he had when Suzaku first came to the school. Surely that counted for something?
Lelouch hadn’t even hated him when that man, who somehow knew… When he told Lelouch about what Suzaku had done seven years ago.
They had a peace here, and Suzaku wanted to let them keep it.
But that side of him also remembered a few rare moments where Nunnally would talk about Princess Euphemia, and a small moment when he and Princess Euphemia had talked about his friends, her startling at their names and mentioning how much she missed her siblings.
The feelings inside of him wanted to tear his body apart.
*****
It only got worse, that day when he was called to be Toudou’s executioner. He had already killed his Father so the war would end, did he have to kill Toudou too?
Then the fight and Zero again…
What was it about him that made him be in pain? Wouldn’t let him just end it all?
He had to serve Britannia to change it, but Lelouch was right in that not many people of Britannia wanted that change, or were even willing to listen to the possibility of that change.
To top it off Euphemia choose him as her Knight.
A position he hadn’t even dreamed to be worthy of, knowing that by being an 11 it shouldn’t even be possible. But somehow, somehow…
It was the biggest lie of all.
He wasn’t worthy to be her protector, to be that kind of symbol, to be… To be anything like that.
He wasn’t loyal enough.
Still hid things.
Still hated himself.
Still, still…
Still was a child that just wanted it all to stop.
Was a person who, just as that man who had captured Nunnally had said, only did things that would protect others in order to end his own life, to finally be punished for what he did to his Father.
In the end, it was all futile, for he would never be worthy to stand with the likes of Lelouch, Euphemia and Nunnally.
He also knew that the three of them working together would be able to achieve the beautiful dream that all four of them shared.
In the end, all it took was staring out the window of the Capitol Building in Tokyo, mere hours before his Knighting, at the gardens that Euphemia had told him were nearly perfect replicas of the ones that the three of them had played in as children with Lelouch and Nunnally’s mother Marianne and their older sister Cornelia watching over them.
This was the world Lelouch and Nunnally belonged in, together with Euphemia they were Britannia’s best hope. Even if Lelouch hated him, even if Nunnally was disappointed…
Even if they banished him from their dream for betraying them, Nunnally would be safe and happy at Euphemia’s side. This meant that Lelouch might one day be able to think on Suzaku kindly again, and allot him some small place in the world he knew his friend could create.
Because Lelouch would have the resources to create their dream world the right way, and not fall prey to monsters like Zero, and like Suzaku himself.
*****
It hadn’t taken much arguing to get into the room with Euphemia and her sister, for in spite of all of their sneers and glares he was about to become her Knight.
He steeled himself with the same resolve he used to use against his Father, and cloaked himself in the knowledge that what he was about to say was right, and stepped forward to face the two Imperial Princesses on the divan, one staring at him coldly, the other slightly curious and a bit nervous, like she was afraid he was going to bolt.
“Your Highnesses, might I please have a word? With as few people around as you deem necessary?”
Princess Cornelia’s eyes truly did narrow then, and Princess Euphemia got a look that he was sure meant that she was about to argue with him.
“If you are here to ask to not be Knighted, you cannot disobey that order. In your case it is not an offer.”
“Sister!”
“No, Your Highness. It is just, something I wish the Princess to be made aware of, especially before this situation truly becomes irreversible.”
Princess Cornelia’s wrist waved everyone but Guilford and Darlton out of the room, to their consternation.
He didn’t miss those two’s hands twitching unconsciously towards their swords. It only firmed his resolve.
Lelouch and Nunnally deserved this as well, people willing to fight and die to protect them, to serve them, to see them safe and happy and whole. Not having to rely on just a single maid that Lelouch had told him was paid for primarily by what funds he could scrap together from his gambling, and having Nunnally’s medical bills paid for from the few dwindling accounts that he had been able to raid in the confusion of Japan’s fall. With their only true support some small, and hence mainly unnoticeable, help from the school’s principal, Lord Ashford, they were essentially on their own.
Lelouch shouldn’t have to worry about asking for help finding his kidnapped sister, because any type of investigation would shatter the thin identities they had created.
“Well, what is it, Kururugi?”
“I, first, please understand, I…” He didn’t know how to do this.
Lelouch, please help me find the words…
This is to protect you and Nunnally, surely you will see that?
“Speak up, Kururugi, you are about to become the Vice-Governor’s Knight, that requires more confidence then you are showing.”
“I’m sorry, Your Highness, what I am about to say, please believe me when I tell you it is the truth. You have researched me; you know that my Father was Japan’s last Prime Minister.”
“Of course. I fail to see what regard such history has right now.”
“When I was a child, shortly before Area 11’s surrender, two royal children were entrusted to my Father’s care. Lelouch Vi Britannia and Nunnally La Britannia. All reports say they were killed. They weren’t.”
The room was absolutely silent for a moment, with not even the sound of breathing to disturb it.
Then he couldn’t breathe as Darlton moved faster than anyone his size should be able to and lifted him by the throat.
“What is this lie you filthy 11? Trying to use your new position to make some type of ransom demand of the Princesses!? I won’t have you-”
“Darlton. Release him.”
Suzaku’s eyes left the enraged face in front of him to meet Princess Cornelia’s gaze from where she sat, one hand on Euphemia’s shoulder to keep her silent, the other clenched into a fist.
“I want to hear this.”
“Your Highness.” Suzaku was dropped and didn’t even try to make his knees keep him up.
“What are you implying, Suzaku Kururugi?”
“Not implying. Lelouch and Nunnally are still alive.”
“How do you know this?”
“When the compound we were in was razed Lelouch somehow managed to get the three of us out and we hid at a Shinto Shrine on the edge of the property. We left and found the entire area in ruins. We, we decided to head towards the main Kururugi compound where my Father was. We walked four days in that direction, trading off on carrying Nunnally until an Army convoy under one of my Father’s allies picked us up and took us there. They were treated fairly because the men pitied the two of them almost as much as they hated them.”
He had to take a deep breath.
“When we reached the compound we were separated, them into a locked room and me to my Father. I, it was that night that he… That night that he died. The fighting that broke out was fierce. I was taken with a group heading for Kyoto and I had no idea what happened to Lelouch or Nunnally until a few days later when someone told me they had died in the fighting.”
“Yet you say they survived.”
“I did. They did.” He had to do this without mention Shinjuku. He had to be careful, like him, they would probably jump to the wrong conclusions. Wrong for now, anyway.
“When Princess Euphemia ordered me to go to Ashford Academy, I… I walked into that classroom and there he was. I knew it was him but I didn’t say anything, it was almost like he didn’t even recognize me. Then he gave me a signal from the sign language he had made up and taught me when we were children. ‘Meet on the roof.’ He confirmed everything, they had managed to escape after a bomb hit near where they had been, had kept on the move until Lelouch managed to create new identities for them, Lelouch and Nunnally Lamperouge. They made it to Lord Ashford who was an ally of their mothers. And after classes, when he took me to see Nunnally, it was them…”
He couldn’t stop the tears as he thought about the ones Nunnally had shed when he had first seen her again, the genuine smile on Lelouch’s face…
“Why haven’t you said anything before now? WHY HAVEN’T THEY?” This time the fist buried in the collar of his shirt was Cornelia’s, and there was an almost mad glint in her eyes.
“Nunnally, she still has nightmares of the night when their Mother,” Cornelia’s eyes went from shards of ice to balls of fire necessitating in a swift change of direction “and is terrified of something like that happening again. Lelouch doesn’t want Nunnally to be seen as an easy target for terrorists because of her legs and sight, he can’t stand the thought of going back to the way he says it was after she was first injured, with everyone at the court hating her for supposedly being weak, and is utterly against her being used as a pawn. And, I, I didn’t say anything because Lelouch is my friend, so is Nunnally, I just wanted them to be happy.”
The hand released them and he fell to his knees once more. “Then why are you betraying their trust now, Kururugi? Why are you doing this?”
“They deserve to be protected, just like, Princess Euphemia. Not even a week ago some mad man decided that Lelouch’s intellect made a fun target to terrorize and kidnapped Nunnally… He said it was random, but that man used a bomb, big enough to take out the entire area. Lelouch knew how to disarm it, but couldn’t manage to. If I hadn’t been there, and Lelouch hadn’t been able to distract him long enough for me to do it… It would have been horrible. That freak… He managed to slip out and he was so obsessed with Lelouch that I know he’ll be coming back.”
“If that was all-”
“No, I’m also worried about them because they attend Ashford Academy, and not just now because of me, but because a good number of children with influential parents are there it’s a target. I’m worried because Lelouch is getting desperate the tighter the regulations are getting, and I’ve been able to find out some of the things he has had to do to get them even as safe as they are now and am terrified of what else he would do to see Nunnally safe. I don’t want Lelouch to do something stupid because he wants the world to change so that it is safe for Nunnally, and with the threat of the terrorists using them and the fact that he was accidently caught up near Shinjuku and would have been killed if Prince Clovis’s attack had continued I-“
“Enough, Suzaku.” He flung his head up, not minding the tears that fell down his cheeks until Euphemia knelt at his side and gently wiped them away. “Enough.”
“But…”
“No, I know why you’ve been quiet about them, Suzaku. And it doesn’t make me change my mind about you.”
Some of the feelings that had been raging in his mind subsided just a little, enough so that he could breathe again.
“Thank you, Princess.”
“Before we just blindly believe this Honorary Britannian’s story, I feel we should confirm it. Have these two brought in. Let’s see what they have to say.”
“No. If it is them and they are nervous about being found, then that would only put them further on the defensive. If Marianne’s children are still alive I refuse to give them any more cause to fear coming home. Guilford, you will handle this yourself. Use as few people as necessary and get to Ashford Academy and as subtly as possible acquire a DNA sample from the both of them. Leave now.”
“Yes, Princess.”
The man quickly strode to the door and left with little flourish, giving Suzaku mere seconds to shove himself to his feet so that he embarrassed Euphemia as little as possible. Given the fact that he was sure there were clear tear tracks covering his cheeks and that his eyes had to be horribly red, he doubted he succeeded by the time that all the other royal retainers rushed back into the room. At a nod from Cornelia he quickly bowed to the Princesses and was ushered from the room by Darlton.
“If you lied to them-”
“I didn’t, General. I wouldn’t put Euphemia, Lelouch, and Nunnally through this for a joke.”
“If it is true, those two will hate you.”
“I’m telling myself that to have them safe will be worth it.”
“Heh, Bastard. You might make a decent Knight after all. Get yourself composed so you don’t shame Princess Euphemia any further.”
“Sir.”
End Chapter One