(5/Nov) Crushed? (Locked)

[kurogin_kazu]

Characters involved: Koyama Keiichiro, Kamenashi Kazuya
Rating: dont know, will see XP

Kazuya was busy with his computer and listening to music. At first he missed it that someone knocked on the door.
But the second time he heard it. 
He moved to the door and opened it, which rewieled a more then red eyed and depressed Koyama.

"Kei-chan?" 

Comments

[kei_aki]

Koyama entered the room and kissed the other one softly on his lips.

"Konban." he said in a small voice.

[kurogin_kazu]

"Hi." said Kazu not really answering the kiss. He turned around and sat on his bed.
"You seem like you didnt sleep much." When the other didnt answer he continued.
"So...how was the night with Shige?" Kazuya tried to not sound jealous but maybe it sounded a little bit like that.

[kei_aki]

Koyama sat next to Kame clueless. He never thought about how it could sound to Kame, the sms he´s sent him.

"It was... amazing. I could hold him in my arms when he was calmly breathing in his sleep." he said looking at his arms as if the other one was still there.

"I didn´t sleep much, yeah. It was... too much of emotions for me at once." he admitted.

[kurogin_kazu]

"Thats great." Kazuya tried to sound nice as possible. Even though in the inside he felt uneasy.
He wanted to say something but his phone rang on his desk. He moved and when he saw who called he answered it with a big smile.
"Hey Ji, Whats up? Un, i didnt forget. Yes...so the same place? Sure i will make sure to be there...Un...See you then, Bye"

He turned around to face Koyama. "Sorry...so..." He didnt know what to say, it was awkward and he wasnt sure if he wants to know.
"Why did you send me that message?...I didnt really wanted to know..." He said while looking away.

[kei_aki]

Koyama was startled. He first wanted to ask if Ji is back in Japan, but the i didn´t really wanted to know part kinda took all his talk.

"What do you mean?" he asked confused.

[kurogin_kazu]

Kazuya still not looked at Koyama.
"I wasnt all happy to be woken up in the night for a message saying that Shige is staying at your place...sleeping with you in one bed..." Kazuya gave a sigh.
"As long as you two cleared everything... - He looked at Koyama - I dont really want to know details, if you dont mind...I kind of heard more then i wanted to know..."

[kei_aki]

Koyama couldn´t believe what is he hearing from Kame...the boy he thought that they will always understand each other, always listen to each other...

Kei stood up.

"I thought... I though we primarily listen to each other Kazu. That´s what I love about us. But I won´t BOTHER you with details of the talk I had with my ex whom I was trying to get to talk to me for months." he said and made his way to the door.

[kurogin_kazu]

"Sorry..." He saw that Koyama stopped in his tracks so he continued. "I think this time my feelings for you get me in the way, to be able to listen to you..." He gave a sigh again.

"Somehow I felt pain when i read that he stays at your place for the night, and when you tell that it was awesome holding him in your arms...How do you think i would feel?"

[kei_aki]

Kei sat back on the bed and with still a little surprise in his tone he said.

"Honestly I thought you will be happy that ... we overcame the wall between us." it didn´t occured to Kei that when he said he will make Kame happy, that the other boy could understand it just as a empty words. He sent him the message believing that Kame knows that he will never leave him...

"I will stay close to him. If he has a nightmare I will sleep next to him and hug him, he is like my family Kazu. If you feel pain because of it I..." he didn´t know what to say. He felt his heart skipping a beat in fear again. That when he finally got Shige back in his life he will lose Kame now...

[kurogin_kazu]

Keis words were like knifes being stuck in Kazuyas heart.
He crunched down still away from Koyama. He covered his face in his hands.

"I...I just have the feeling that you will come with him and...leave me..." He felt that tears will slowly escape his eyes. He tried to hold them back but a sniff still escaped.

[kei_aki]

"What?!!" Kei shrieked. Now it all finally made sense.

"Kazu, Kazu...look at me." he hastily took Kame´s wrists and forced his hands down off his face.

"We can´t be happy together as lovers with Shigeaki. I told you. He wont be happy with me cause I can never be happy with him. How could you just... oh my. You thought we got back together and... Oh god, the sms then must have look like we..." he closed his eyes and tried to breath for a while. He counted to ten and then still holding on Kame´s wrists he said in a serious tone while changing the hand lock on a lock of pinkies, just as they promised.

"I promised. Do you remember?"

[kurogin_kazu]

Kazuya looked at Koyama, his tears started to flow, he couldnt hold them anymore.
He looked at their looked at their locked pinkies then into the eyes of the other. He nodded with a small smile on his face.

[kei_aki]

Koyama felt his own tears in his eyes too. He just run the fingers thru his own hair and breathed deeply thru his nose. He stood up and tried to walk the tears off, he wont be crying because of such a misunderstanding. He just turned his back to Kame, threw his head back holding the root of his nose groaning.

"You are such a baka babe." more in a joke to make the atmosphere lighter.

[kurogin_kazu]

Kazuya stood up and brushed his tears away.
He moved closer to Koyama, leaning his head on the others back, not embracing him, more like clinging to his shirt.

"Sorry...but i really thought..."

[kei_aki]

"We agreed on staying in each others lives. We might be closer than other friends, it´s normal since we were lovers for such a long time. If I hug him in the bed, is just that I want him to feel safe. There is no more into it. It wasn´t more into it for last months of our relationship either anyway. I need you to understand one think Kazu." he turned around and held Kame´s hands in his, cupping it tightly.

"I love him. And that will never change. But it´s not love you feel for a lover. I think it´s much more stronger, but it has nothing to do with love for a lover anymore. Thank to you I understood that it wasn´t love for a lover for such a long time already..."

[kurogin_kazu]

The words still hurt in some way, but Kazu understood them, tried to understand them.
"I know...I am sorry..." Kazu said while looking down not being able to look into Koyamas eyes.