[songfic] The Farthest
Title : The Farthest
Author : kuro_sasori
Fandom : DELUHI
Genre : Songfic, Dark
Summary : I'm really tired of living this way.
Disclamier : Can I be the owner of them? Lolz XD
Dozo m(_ _)m
@ V42 @
I was chasing my hope.
Deep inside me.
Deep inside me.
"You have performed your duty, Aggy?"
“What is your rank?”
"Did you win?"
"Why just like this?"
"Improve it!"
That's all I ever hear from you. You're my family, a part of my life, but you're the one who ruined my life. Never pleased with what I do, never satisfied with what achieve, you constantly demand more.
I'm tired.
I'm disgusted.
I want to quit.
But I can’t stop.
But nothing can be found!
Grief inside me!
Grief inside me!
I’m trapped in a cage which I created myself. I regret this.
I never get what I want.
Everything I hope for just doesn’t happen
All my dreams are left unfulfilled.
Indeed, I was the one who chose this, although from the beginning I knew I would be trapped forever. Yet, I still chose all of this, all that you asked me to do. And finally I'm dying here, suffering without being able to breathe freely. I'm really tired of living this way. I've been trying hard to achieve all this, though I do not want it. I Never wanted all this for myself. This is not my will; instead, I do your bidding. You forced me to be bound by your wishes, without a gap to run away or just breathe.
I Quake, I break ...
My heart is awfully Tired.
I Quake, I Wake ...
There's no turning back now.
I always dreamed of having another purpose in life. I have a dream that I wish to fulfill from the depth of my heart, but there's nothing I can do. My life is, has, and will always be bound like this. I spend everyday doing things that are forced on me..
Boring.
Sickening.
Suffocating.
Initially I did everything in silence, in obedience as a child. I did it because I thought I had to and that I could not escape. But the burden kept on increasing. I could hardly breathe. I could not understand why I had to do all this.
"Are you okay, Aggy-kun? Your face is pale," Leda touched my forehead softly, looking worried. "Are you sick?"
I shook my head, trying to smile. "I’m okay. Just a little tired." That's the reason I can give. But Leda seemed skeptical, "What time do we practice today, leader?" I said with big smile, this just makes me can continue to survive. Playing music is my hope.
"At 3, the usual spot. Can you?”
I nodded. I will do whatever it takes to be able to practice; it’s the only thing that can make me disregard the burden I have to bear.
My prayers have vanished,
Everything's in Vain.
Here my story ends ...
"Where you going?" A deep voice stopped me in my tracks.
I turned around, clutching a bag that contains my favorite bass. The bass I got after the many months of hard work. "I want to practice, dad."
"Play music you mean?" Oblivious to how painful that sounds for me. Every word came out like a knife, piercing my heart. "Why do you keep messing with things that do not hold any value? Stop! You're not going to gain anything from playing music!” I respect the very face that glared angrily.
"But this my free time ... "
"That's it! You should study more in order for you to do well and succeed. Music shall destroy your mind and leave it useless!” my father grabbed my bag, pulled out the bass and slammed on the ground. "Do not waste my money on useless things!" His legs were powerful, stepping onto the bass, trying to destroy it, breaking my heart.
Destroying my spirits.
Destroying all that's left of me.
I left, chasing my heart.
Deep inside me ...
Deep inside me ...
"Sorry I’m late” I bowed in front of Leda, Juri and Sujk.
"Doita, Aggy-kun ... I know you're very busy. Fortunately, today you have time to practice," Leda smiled reassuringly. I nodded. I cannot say that this is not my fault. Dad has rearranged all my activities so that I barely have time anymore.
He’s tied me down tightly.
"Demo, are you serious about being part of the band?" Sujk looked at me sharply.
Again, I nodded, "of course. This is my dream. How can I eliminate it?"
Yes, how could I let go? The only reason I am alive today, nothing can ever make me let go. Even though I have to work harder, Even I shall secretly practice, I’ll do it.
"Good. Let's practice!" Juri reached for the mic.
I swallowed hard, "Juri, can I borrow your bass?"
Juri's brow furrowed in doubt, "What’s wrong with yours?" I just kept quiet, not knowing what to answer. My bass is broken, and I do not have enough money to buy a new one. "Of course, Use this," without forcing them to demand answers, Juri handed me a guitar, which I immediately accepted with pleasure.
There's nothing to be found.
Grief inside me ...
Grief inside me ...
This is, Farthest End!
Nowhere to go.
All hope disappears, in front of me.
Taste of blood. I bit my lip hard, enduring the pain that attacked me earlier. Today I was supposed to make an appearance at an event with Leda, Juri and Sujk. This event had been eagerly awaited by all four of us for our band to exist in the world of music.
But what do I do now?
I stand here. Drowning in a pile of tasks and jobs that forced me to call Leda and say that I will not be able to participate. I told Leda to search for a replacement bassist immediately. Although Leda said that there is no problem with me missing the show this time, I can still feel the annoyance and disappointment of the others.
But what else can I do?
Little by little hope disappears from sight, slipping away into the darkness. I’m running out of places to get away from my troubles, places that grant me hope.
Almost disappeared.
Or is it already gone?
No one can hear grievous my scream,
From a place (Like this)
In the dark!
Someone say, scream when you feeling ill.
Weep when you feeling sad.
But I remain silent behind the mask blank that I wear. I'm stuck here. Constrained by all the things that ruined my life.
What should I do?
"You can finish it, right?!"
Right?!
What am I supposed to say when you ask me in this way? It is the same as ordering me to complete the task, not letting me deny, or avoid them.
It's my life, but I’m not the one who controls it. I can only surrender, even though I don’t want to.
“yes dad …”
This is, Farthest End!
Sorrow overflows ...
Last flicker of hope
Dies in me.
Family? Happiness? The future? The purpose of life? Dream?
Which one should I choose?
Nothing. All were destroyed before I could make my decision.
Because darkness is getting the best of me. Forcing me to give up into nothingness. I’m in despair without any hope left in me. I'm getting lost in the inner torment that haunts my every step. I was wrong to take the road I have to now travel. I am lost.
It's my choice. I want to laugh at myself when I think about it.
Why did I choose to get lost in the dark? Why did I choose to suffer? Why did I choose to bear this burden?
I am lost!
And I lost all!
Somebody!
Embrace me now...
(Please Embrace me now ...)
I always hope there is someone out there who can help me. Pull me out of the darkness that’s blinding me. Take me to a world that does not force me, a world where I have freedom, where I can breathe.
Will I be able to wait until that moment comes?
Until that person comes?
Until that hope returns?
I will continue like this. Living like a trapped bird that has lost its wings. Even so I will survive, survive a little longer. I'm not going to let everything end like this. I'm sure at some point I shall be free.
Though I do not know when.
"Aggy-kun! Let's practice!"
I give up. I gave up on my desire to surrender.
@ V42 @ _End_
Author : kuro_sasori
Fandom : DELUHI
Genre : Songfic, Dark
Summary : I'm really tired of living this way.
Disclamier : Can I be the owner of them? Lolz XD
Dozo m(_ _)m
@ V42 @
I was chasing my hope.
Deep inside me.
Deep inside me.
"You have performed your duty, Aggy?"
“What is your rank?”
"Did you win?"
"Why just like this?"
"Improve it!"
That's all I ever hear from you. You're my family, a part of my life, but you're the one who ruined my life. Never pleased with what I do, never satisfied with what achieve, you constantly demand more.
I'm tired.
I'm disgusted.
I want to quit.
But I can’t stop.
But nothing can be found!
Grief inside me!
Grief inside me!
I’m trapped in a cage which I created myself. I regret this.
I never get what I want.
Everything I hope for just doesn’t happen
All my dreams are left unfulfilled.
Indeed, I was the one who chose this, although from the beginning I knew I would be trapped forever. Yet, I still chose all of this, all that you asked me to do. And finally I'm dying here, suffering without being able to breathe freely. I'm really tired of living this way. I've been trying hard to achieve all this, though I do not want it. I Never wanted all this for myself. This is not my will; instead, I do your bidding. You forced me to be bound by your wishes, without a gap to run away or just breathe.
I Quake, I break ...
My heart is awfully Tired.
I Quake, I Wake ...
There's no turning back now.
I always dreamed of having another purpose in life. I have a dream that I wish to fulfill from the depth of my heart, but there's nothing I can do. My life is, has, and will always be bound like this. I spend everyday doing things that are forced on me..
Boring.
Sickening.
Suffocating.
Initially I did everything in silence, in obedience as a child. I did it because I thought I had to and that I could not escape. But the burden kept on increasing. I could hardly breathe. I could not understand why I had to do all this.
"Are you okay, Aggy-kun? Your face is pale," Leda touched my forehead softly, looking worried. "Are you sick?"
I shook my head, trying to smile. "I’m okay. Just a little tired." That's the reason I can give. But Leda seemed skeptical, "What time do we practice today, leader?" I said with big smile, this just makes me can continue to survive. Playing music is my hope.
"At 3, the usual spot. Can you?”
I nodded. I will do whatever it takes to be able to practice; it’s the only thing that can make me disregard the burden I have to bear.
My prayers have vanished,
Everything's in Vain.
Here my story ends ...
"Where you going?" A deep voice stopped me in my tracks.
I turned around, clutching a bag that contains my favorite bass. The bass I got after the many months of hard work. "I want to practice, dad."
"Play music you mean?" Oblivious to how painful that sounds for me. Every word came out like a knife, piercing my heart. "Why do you keep messing with things that do not hold any value? Stop! You're not going to gain anything from playing music!” I respect the very face that glared angrily.
"But this my free time ... "
"That's it! You should study more in order for you to do well and succeed. Music shall destroy your mind and leave it useless!” my father grabbed my bag, pulled out the bass and slammed on the ground. "Do not waste my money on useless things!" His legs were powerful, stepping onto the bass, trying to destroy it, breaking my heart.
Destroying my spirits.
Destroying all that's left of me.
I left, chasing my heart.
Deep inside me ...
Deep inside me ...
"Sorry I’m late” I bowed in front of Leda, Juri and Sujk.
"Doita, Aggy-kun ... I know you're very busy. Fortunately, today you have time to practice," Leda smiled reassuringly. I nodded. I cannot say that this is not my fault. Dad has rearranged all my activities so that I barely have time anymore.
He’s tied me down tightly.
"Demo, are you serious about being part of the band?" Sujk looked at me sharply.
Again, I nodded, "of course. This is my dream. How can I eliminate it?"
Yes, how could I let go? The only reason I am alive today, nothing can ever make me let go. Even though I have to work harder, Even I shall secretly practice, I’ll do it.
"Good. Let's practice!" Juri reached for the mic.
I swallowed hard, "Juri, can I borrow your bass?"
Juri's brow furrowed in doubt, "What’s wrong with yours?" I just kept quiet, not knowing what to answer. My bass is broken, and I do not have enough money to buy a new one. "Of course, Use this," without forcing them to demand answers, Juri handed me a guitar, which I immediately accepted with pleasure.
There's nothing to be found.
Grief inside me ...
Grief inside me ...
This is, Farthest End!
Nowhere to go.
All hope disappears, in front of me.
Taste of blood. I bit my lip hard, enduring the pain that attacked me earlier. Today I was supposed to make an appearance at an event with Leda, Juri and Sujk. This event had been eagerly awaited by all four of us for our band to exist in the world of music.
But what do I do now?
I stand here. Drowning in a pile of tasks and jobs that forced me to call Leda and say that I will not be able to participate. I told Leda to search for a replacement bassist immediately. Although Leda said that there is no problem with me missing the show this time, I can still feel the annoyance and disappointment of the others.
But what else can I do?
Little by little hope disappears from sight, slipping away into the darkness. I’m running out of places to get away from my troubles, places that grant me hope.
Almost disappeared.
Or is it already gone?
No one can hear grievous my scream,
From a place (Like this)
In the dark!
Someone say, scream when you feeling ill.
Weep when you feeling sad.
But I remain silent behind the mask blank that I wear. I'm stuck here. Constrained by all the things that ruined my life.
What should I do?
"You can finish it, right?!"
Right?!
What am I supposed to say when you ask me in this way? It is the same as ordering me to complete the task, not letting me deny, or avoid them.
It's my life, but I’m not the one who controls it. I can only surrender, even though I don’t want to.
“yes dad …”
This is, Farthest End!
Sorrow overflows ...
Last flicker of hope
Dies in me.
Family? Happiness? The future? The purpose of life? Dream?
Which one should I choose?
Nothing. All were destroyed before I could make my decision.
Because darkness is getting the best of me. Forcing me to give up into nothingness. I’m in despair without any hope left in me. I'm getting lost in the inner torment that haunts my every step. I was wrong to take the road I have to now travel. I am lost.
It's my choice. I want to laugh at myself when I think about it.
Why did I choose to get lost in the dark? Why did I choose to suffer? Why did I choose to bear this burden?
I am lost!
And I lost all!
Somebody!
Embrace me now...
(Please Embrace me now ...)
I always hope there is someone out there who can help me. Pull me out of the darkness that’s blinding me. Take me to a world that does not force me, a world where I have freedom, where I can breathe.
Will I be able to wait until that moment comes?
Until that person comes?
Until that hope returns?
I will continue like this. Living like a trapped bird that has lost its wings. Even so I will survive, survive a little longer. I'm not going to let everything end like this. I'm sure at some point I shall be free.
Though I do not know when.
"Aggy-kun! Let's practice!"
I give up. I gave up on my desire to surrender.
@ V42 @ _End_