FF Info+Ah... Loneliness, please disappear....
IMPORTANT NOTE: (I Hope I will have it done by that time but anyway...) I hope I'll be able to update my every fanfic on the 18th of July, for it will be my 15th birthday, I hope I will be done by then
*sigh* I feel like crap.. again.
The biggest emotional problem in my life is probably the loneliness which doesn't seem to disappear, I know the problem, but I can't solve it....
I want someone to love, not just a cat or a friend but a boyfriend... well a girlfriend would be fine too, as long as this horrible feeling disappeared. I don't want someone just to make out, screw with me (ABSOLUTELY NOT! I detest any sexual acts that will include me, whenever thinking of stuff like that I can't even think straight and feel horrible for another two hours) and leave, whom I don't even really love, but someone I'm really mad in love with, a gentle person, a person with a nice atmosphere and nice looks.
When I see couples at school or on the street I always have this nagging horrible feeling which makes me wanna puke, they look so happy... but why can't I get it? Why can't I be happy like that? Am I not allowed to feel that for someone and get those feelings back?
Don't get me wrong, it's not like I hate them, it's that I feel so jealous that it's making me sick.
I get that feeling with my bff and her boyfriend too, I don't get it with my parents though, they argue so much that it doesn't even look like they love
each other to me.
I wonder for how long I've already got this feeling?
I think one of the reasons I love... no, am obsessed with yaoi is that it doesn't include any girls, LOL I know I sound very selfish now, but I am, and I know it.
I can imagine myself feeling that for someone else when placing myself in a BL characters' place but it just is more painful, and my fanfics always turn out to be very depressing and dramatic.
I need to get some cheerful feelings before I can write a funny fanfic like "Have a nya day " Which I don't seem to be able to write without stopping after a few lines... oh well that's it...
*sigh* I feel like crap.. again.
The biggest emotional problem in my life is probably the loneliness which doesn't seem to disappear, I know the problem, but I can't solve it....
I want someone to love, not just a cat or a friend but a boyfriend... well a girlfriend would be fine too, as long as this horrible feeling disappeared. I don't want someone just to make out, screw with me (ABSOLUTELY NOT! I detest any sexual acts that will include me, whenever thinking of stuff like that I can't even think straight and feel horrible for another two hours) and leave, whom I don't even really love, but someone I'm really mad in love with, a gentle person, a person with a nice atmosphere and nice looks.
When I see couples at school or on the street I always have this nagging horrible feeling which makes me wanna puke, they look so happy... but why can't I get it? Why can't I be happy like that? Am I not allowed to feel that for someone and get those feelings back?
Don't get me wrong, it's not like I hate them, it's that I feel so jealous that it's making me sick.
I get that feeling with my bff and her boyfriend too, I don't get it with my parents though, they argue so much that it doesn't even look like they love
each other to me.
I wonder for how long I've already got this feeling?
I think one of the reasons I love... no, am obsessed with yaoi is that it doesn't include any girls, LOL I know I sound very selfish now, but I am, and I know it.
I can imagine myself feeling that for someone else when placing myself in a BL characters' place but it just is more painful, and my fanfics always turn out to be very depressing and dramatic.
I need to get some cheerful feelings before I can write a funny fanfic like "Have a nya day " Which I don't seem to be able to write without stopping after a few lines... oh well that's it...