(no subject)
Sometimes i don't know what to think. I feel like maybe the sun shines because everything's good, and it rains because something is troubling in the world. I know that its just how the weather is, regardless of any connection to humanity I might think exists.
Alena and I are stretched thin right now. I don't want this to end because i still care for her a lot, and to be honest, this has been the best relationship i have been in for quite some time. But i have to stop thinking about myself in order for any relationship to work out. I need to think about where she's coming from. I know she is not use to being in a long term relationship, she even said it. The change from a short term focus to a long term is very hard for some people, and i feel that its just that, really hard for her. What i need to do is give her some time, see her when she wants me to see her and not force anything too much. Although, the flip-side to that is that i don't want to seem like I'm not interested in her anymore either. This is such a difficult place. I doubt either of use are ready, or willing, to move on, and given that the only conclusion is to find a solution, or resolution to this. It's also hard that she's in school and I am taking a year off (Still haven't found a job). The distance isn't the issue now, its the timing. I can't see her after school everyday, she has homework, and she has stayed up late to get it done. For her, it would probably be better if we were just friends. Then she wouldn't have to worry about all the stresses that come with a boyfriend and also juggling a massive work load. I've said it to her, and I mean it, what I've said is "I Love You". In a week of stress she went from "you too", or "i know" to "i love you too." To most people it seems like we're getting along better, but we're still not where we were. I still feel like there's something she's not telling me and that thought is what is driving me crazy. I don't want to lose her as someone close in my life, but at the same time, i don't want to lose her as a girlfriend either. I've been doing some thinking lately and what I've come up with is that maybe we should stay the same, but without the title. If she looks at me with the same light as being her boyfriend without the title, then it should be easier to sort things out, because the feelings will still be there, just less of the obligations.
Wow. nearly all of my entries are me bitching or talking about a girl. Hmmm...that's no good xD.
But, back to what i said in the middle of that whole big paragraph, I have yet to find a job. I know that i need a job, my parents have said it time and a again, and even threaten charging me rent without a job. I know that they're trying to help, and it's exactly what i need. The only thing is now that I'm out of school, the obligation is to get a job, but the motivation is to enjoy life, or in this case, slack off. I need a job, i know i need a job, but the problem is i don't have the motivation to get up and go get one, or the drive to succeed right now. I know I'm a decent/good worker and that i can accomplish any assignment I'm given, but i just want to enjoy the sun, enjoy life. Ugh, i really need a slap in the face. Perhaps a legal incident wouldn't be that bad. What am I saying?! This is something I'm hoping Alena isn't thinking too much about. *sighs*
Anyways, enough of me ranting.
comment if you will. I could use help with figuring out what to do with Alena =(
Alena and I are stretched thin right now. I don't want this to end because i still care for her a lot, and to be honest, this has been the best relationship i have been in for quite some time. But i have to stop thinking about myself in order for any relationship to work out. I need to think about where she's coming from. I know she is not use to being in a long term relationship, she even said it. The change from a short term focus to a long term is very hard for some people, and i feel that its just that, really hard for her. What i need to do is give her some time, see her when she wants me to see her and not force anything too much. Although, the flip-side to that is that i don't want to seem like I'm not interested in her anymore either. This is such a difficult place. I doubt either of use are ready, or willing, to move on, and given that the only conclusion is to find a solution, or resolution to this. It's also hard that she's in school and I am taking a year off (Still haven't found a job). The distance isn't the issue now, its the timing. I can't see her after school everyday, she has homework, and she has stayed up late to get it done. For her, it would probably be better if we were just friends. Then she wouldn't have to worry about all the stresses that come with a boyfriend and also juggling a massive work load. I've said it to her, and I mean it, what I've said is "I Love You". In a week of stress she went from "you too", or "i know" to "i love you too." To most people it seems like we're getting along better, but we're still not where we were. I still feel like there's something she's not telling me and that thought is what is driving me crazy. I don't want to lose her as someone close in my life, but at the same time, i don't want to lose her as a girlfriend either. I've been doing some thinking lately and what I've come up with is that maybe we should stay the same, but without the title. If she looks at me with the same light as being her boyfriend without the title, then it should be easier to sort things out, because the feelings will still be there, just less of the obligations.
Wow. nearly all of my entries are me bitching or talking about a girl. Hmmm...that's no good xD.
But, back to what i said in the middle of that whole big paragraph, I have yet to find a job. I know that i need a job, my parents have said it time and a again, and even threaten charging me rent without a job. I know that they're trying to help, and it's exactly what i need. The only thing is now that I'm out of school, the obligation is to get a job, but the motivation is to enjoy life, or in this case, slack off. I need a job, i know i need a job, but the problem is i don't have the motivation to get up and go get one, or the drive to succeed right now. I know I'm a decent/good worker and that i can accomplish any assignment I'm given, but i just want to enjoy the sun, enjoy life. Ugh, i really need a slap in the face. Perhaps a legal incident wouldn't be that bad. What am I saying?! This is something I'm hoping Alena isn't thinking too much about. *sighs*
Anyways, enough of me ranting.
comment if you will. I could use help with figuring out what to do with Alena =(