Hmmm...Too Long
for the record, this entry has come of silent dealings with pain and frustration that has been building up for the last several months and with recent events, occurring an hour and a half ago, have come to take the form of a blog entry. i apologize in advance for any useless whiny complaining, its you're choice to read this, and therefore please remind yourself that i do realize that half of this is probably my fault, and that its completely pointless. I'm not looking for sympathy, only an outlet.
Life really sucks right now. With there being several months of pure happiness and moments of full pleasure, there have also been more than their fair share of bad times and rough times.
I typically fall for the wrong girls, either being taken, not interested, or completely the opposite personality, i have come to realize that i am not cut out for dating, or even expressing my feelings for others.
I have also come to realize that my relationships with my friends have become hollow due to the lack of effort that i put into my own relationships with them. I have become a hollow person, saying only what others want to hear and doing what others expect of me. At times, doing those things and saying those lines are what i would normally do, but those happen so very rarely. I have also found that by putting a lack of effort into relationships with them gains enemies instead of friends.
I have become a laughing stalk in many ways, and by no means appreciate it. However; due to my lack of motivation, and understanding, i can not begin to try to change that. This is now my opinion of what other people think of me, i have no idea how accurate they are because i have no idea what runs through others heads, however i can make my best assumptions based on the way people treat me and from what others(who will remain secret) have said.
Firstly, many people i consider friends in the drama department dislike me because in many ways i'm fake, a complete attention whore who can't help but grovel for attention by screaming out "Hug Me!" in the halls
secondly, Many of my friends inside my own circle most likely also see me as being hollow in sorts because i show such little motivation in life or in any aspect.
No i have begun to lose interest in writing this because my focus is dieing down, however the point i want to make right now is that i have lost all sense of my own reality because the relationships i have with others is so terrible. I love my family and my friends but don't show them that or anything. I have become a hollow individual and despise it. I don't know how often i've heard how little motivation i have from myself or others. I can't begin to explain why i have such little motivation to do anything, including schoolwork and general life duties. I might as well announce this, because it's nearly true. I have the worst grades in my personal history, and if i don't do something now i will fail blanchet and thus fail high school.
i have four F's, one of which is explainable, but the others are not. I really dont feel like going into detail here, but if you want to know, ask. I really dont know anymore. I feel like i've screwed up my life. I dont want to graduate because it is such a pain, and i feel like my relationships with others are also becoming extreme pains...
No one really understands me right now, and very few would ever take time to try to. Not only that, but i wouldn't want to tell them right now. i feel like this entry about nothing shows the extent of my care for life. Pointless
Life really sucks right now. With there being several months of pure happiness and moments of full pleasure, there have also been more than their fair share of bad times and rough times.
I typically fall for the wrong girls, either being taken, not interested, or completely the opposite personality, i have come to realize that i am not cut out for dating, or even expressing my feelings for others.
I have also come to realize that my relationships with my friends have become hollow due to the lack of effort that i put into my own relationships with them. I have become a hollow person, saying only what others want to hear and doing what others expect of me. At times, doing those things and saying those lines are what i would normally do, but those happen so very rarely. I have also found that by putting a lack of effort into relationships with them gains enemies instead of friends.
I have become a laughing stalk in many ways, and by no means appreciate it. However; due to my lack of motivation, and understanding, i can not begin to try to change that. This is now my opinion of what other people think of me, i have no idea how accurate they are because i have no idea what runs through others heads, however i can make my best assumptions based on the way people treat me and from what others(who will remain secret) have said.
Firstly, many people i consider friends in the drama department dislike me because in many ways i'm fake, a complete attention whore who can't help but grovel for attention by screaming out "Hug Me!" in the halls
secondly, Many of my friends inside my own circle most likely also see me as being hollow in sorts because i show such little motivation in life or in any aspect.
No i have begun to lose interest in writing this because my focus is dieing down, however the point i want to make right now is that i have lost all sense of my own reality because the relationships i have with others is so terrible. I love my family and my friends but don't show them that or anything. I have become a hollow individual and despise it. I don't know how often i've heard how little motivation i have from myself or others. I can't begin to explain why i have such little motivation to do anything, including schoolwork and general life duties. I might as well announce this, because it's nearly true. I have the worst grades in my personal history, and if i don't do something now i will fail blanchet and thus fail high school.
i have four F's, one of which is explainable, but the others are not. I really dont feel like going into detail here, but if you want to know, ask. I really dont know anymore. I feel like i've screwed up my life. I dont want to graduate because it is such a pain, and i feel like my relationships with others are also becoming extreme pains...
No one really understands me right now, and very few would ever take time to try to. Not only that, but i wouldn't want to tell them right now. i feel like this entry about nothing shows the extent of my care for life. Pointless