To Live To Die
I feel like I am dead inside. Heart so cold, soul so shallow. It's not surprising but I dislike the feeling. However, because of how things happen it is best. To love to live. To lose to die. Emotions are a very complicated thing and can make or break what a person does in thier life. Some people can control thier emotions to varying degrees while others simply go with the flow and simply hope for the best. Others simply hold themselves back and refuse to even give into the idea of emotion, becoming a cold husk of lifelessness. I feel like this is what I am becoming, someone who no longer cares, someone who refuses to care, to feel the way I have, to simply give the world the finger and tell everyone to go fuck themselves. My dreams, my hopes shattered I find myself a husk of a man I once thought I was. My view of the world has become tainted, forever dirtied. What should a person do when they open up to someone and simply get a shrug of the shoulder in return. To try and talk, yet be the only one talking. Some things can't be worked out if it is only a one-sided conversation. Fate's funny like that. Well I done, call it running away, I just feel that it is in my best interests because if I dont close up like this I am at the point I may find myself sitting in my own blood, watching it seep forth from wounds I caused myself. A most unpleasent image but a reality I have to make sure doesn't happen. Pain can drive a person insane, and I right now, am fighting the struggle of my life. Does anyone care? Some maybe, but I have lost so much from so long ago. Why do I keep going if all I continue to do is lose more and more? I don't know but these past few days have given me anwsers I never wanted to hear. Life sucks. Go figure ne? Ah well...until next time mes amis.....Ciao.