You Wouldn't Understand
I use to get annoyed when people would tell me things like: "You're too young to understand." Or "You'll understand when you have your own kids." And the dreaded "I think you have to experience it to fully get it!" I think it annoyed me when I had opinions about things and was immediately turned down because I didn't have [insert item or age or experience here]. Like when I would want to be upset that my Aunt would almost encourage her son to have sex at an early age. She would brag about how much a ladies man he was. She would joke about the door being closed on his room all the time while his girl friend was over. She seemed to be living vicariously through him. Talking about his popularity and hobbies. A proud mother, who clearly knew what her teenage son was up to. (And my cousin gave virgin me all the glorious details). Then when her daughter, whom is a decade younger, became a teenager, she asked her mother about birth control. And asked if it was possible for her to be put on it? Of course, her mother FREAKED out. Told her "aspirin between the knees" and don't do it! My cousin was shocked, she felt comfortable asking given how supportive her mother was of her brother. My Aunt's excuse for the difference was the age old "NOT my little GIRL!" Double Standards... Le sigh.
I pointed out the difference in their treatment to her once. How free the son was in comparison to the daughter. How proud she seemed of the son, and ashamed of the daughter for the same topic. I asked her if she was, at least a little, proud that the daughter even asked about birth control? I was upset at the double standard, and merely brushed off with "When you have kids, you'll understand." I may not have kids, and I can't imagine how I would feel if a son or a daughter was looking for contraceptives at such a young age. But I feel I can point out the blatantly obvious double standard and how the girl obviously picked up from her brother's treatment?
Or maybe I will never fully understand until I have an older son and younger daughter. Who knows.
I still get bothered when lack of experience is used against me. Not Knowing and being incapable of remedying that issue bugs me. One things to ask "have you READ the book," In which I can go home and read it, another to tell me I wasn't old enough and I would need to wait years to reach this so-called wisdom.
Then again, I experienced something similar today.
I have a co-worker who clearly lead a relaxed, pampered life filled with privileges. She clearly has never known what it is like to be poor and to top it off, she has never even had friends that were poor. I think I'm the closest she has. Most people I work with are from middle class or extremely wealthy. The cleaning staff, is not, and of course this co-worker never actually converses with her. And if they do, it's usually small talk of the weather. The thing is, she doesn't know what it's like to wonder where your next meal is coming from. To try to pull yourself up from a pit only to have bills thrown at you, room mates that steal from you, depression, and unfair government cut backs tossed your way to the point where you wonder if you are becoming more buried or if there is ever an escape. It's fucking hard starting from nothing.
I was abandoned, I have lived off ramen noodles. I have worked minimum wage and sold blood to pay rent. I have worked 3 jobs at a time and still not been able to afford medical or dental care. Hard work is a joke and a laugh the people like my co-worker boast about when they consider the "poor" and think that all these poor people have to do is just not be lazy. Their ass holes that lack the experience to understand. And that's sort of how I got it. This is one of the first times I felt that way.
As she sat their claiming that people just want hand outs and are too lazy to earn anything I wanted to shout at her. "Have you ever FUCKING needed help? Have you ever applied for government assistance? Have you ever been torn down simply because you need help because your parents are gone and you have NO ONE that will aid you?" I realized she was ignorant. Dangerously ignorant as this woman votes and just assumes that no one ever NEEDS assistance. They are all just fraudulent. I wonder is she lumps the military, disabled, elderly, and children in this category. To be honest, I almost told her she just couldn't understand, she's never been there.
I've been told before that clearly hard work works. I, after all, was poor and here I am. CPA, college degree, and middle class. From nothing. I often respond with "Thank god for socialism, certainly would never have been able to do it without government help." True story. Yes, I got a full ride scholarship, but pell grants, CCRG and other aid helped me the first year. And I am positive I would have died or starved if not the other programs.
I often think the ass hats that get mad at the poor are either racist and watch too much Fox thinking all the minorities take from the rich, or they lack empathy entirely.