And I'd rather not be human, if all I do is err.
I used to be in the habit of questioning everything (why?), but being the cynical teen I was my most common thought/response was: What's the point?
I could apply this question to just about everything: what's the point in pretending?
...in studying?
...in trying so hard?
...in getting good grades?
...in earning a lot of money?
...in buying a ton of shit?
...in working so hard?
& of course, the most universal one: what's the point in living?
Oscar Wilde described the cynical as one who knows the price of everything, and the value of nothing, what he didn't describe was how a cynic could change for the better.
Value, value, value...at some point I realized that all those times I had been called ungrateful were because I really didn't know how to even begin assigning true value to things. Oftentimes I inspect my life and find that all those values I've slowly input my philosophy as I've aged---aren't mine. If I think about it, I mostly only know what I should know: such as the value society gives to education, a steady job, marriage, success, obedience, timeliness, wealth, social role, social responsibility, and socialibity. I know what my dad values in education (BA+MBA), work, and hobbies. I know what my mom's values are in education, security, creativity, independence, capability, and talent. And it's not so much that I haven't bothered evaluating aspects of my life, but it's more like I feel as if these existing values (and there are a lot more, i.e. culture bound) block & filter my thoughts. It's hard enough trying to unlearn feeds that I'm constantly reminded of, but it's especially challenging since my thoughts are fixed to begin with. When I change as a person, my thoughts remain relatively similar, my way of thinking seldom changes, rather; it's how I feel about those things that can change by the hour.
So don't blame me when I can't help but ask: Was it worth it?
...Or maybe this too---will pass.
I could apply this question to just about everything: what's the point in pretending?
...in studying?
...in trying so hard?
...in getting good grades?
...in earning a lot of money?
...in buying a ton of shit?
...in working so hard?
& of course, the most universal one: what's the point in living?
Oscar Wilde described the cynical as one who knows the price of everything, and the value of nothing, what he didn't describe was how a cynic could change for the better.
Value, value, value...at some point I realized that all those times I had been called ungrateful were because I really didn't know how to even begin assigning true value to things. Oftentimes I inspect my life and find that all those values I've slowly input my philosophy as I've aged---aren't mine. If I think about it, I mostly only know what I should know: such as the value society gives to education, a steady job, marriage, success, obedience, timeliness, wealth, social role, social responsibility, and socialibity. I know what my dad values in education (BA+MBA), work, and hobbies. I know what my mom's values are in education, security, creativity, independence, capability, and talent. And it's not so much that I haven't bothered evaluating aspects of my life, but it's more like I feel as if these existing values (and there are a lot more, i.e. culture bound) block & filter my thoughts. It's hard enough trying to unlearn feeds that I'm constantly reminded of, but it's especially challenging since my thoughts are fixed to begin with. When I change as a person, my thoughts remain relatively similar, my way of thinking seldom changes, rather; it's how I feel about those things that can change by the hour.
So don't blame me when I can't help but ask: Was it worth it?
...Or maybe this too---will pass.