I need out of this

[kurichai]

I need to revise my answers to a questionnaire I took at the psychologist's office today, about imagining violently lashing out at people.

Grams is on my black list right now.

I just can't fucking stand this.

You know the worst part? This entire situation is flushing out and putting a light on the fact that I have a serious problem. I'm at this huge level of frustration and I can't vent it towards the source. So what do I immediately go after? Pornographic fan fics. If not porn itself.

You don't have to tell me that that's unhealthy, I know!

I just need out this hole so bad! I want to finish school and potentially find an actual purpose. I'm so tired of everything. And, no, not in the suicidal sense, just to calm your fears. There are still little things that I look forward to, that are worth putting up with this shit for. I want clear answers. I want a clear path. I trust God has got it all figured out for me but I want Him to freakin' talk to me!

I don't want all the details but I need an answer. I need guidance. I need a straight up "do this".

I want to be a hermit and just not deal with anyone or anything anymore. Leave me to my mind, it's better there.