Mum and Dad indeed. As a Christian, I adhere to the bible's assertion that God has given us dominion over our winged and multi-legged co-habitants of the planet. For about fourteen years, therefore, I was indeed Dad to two excellent doggies of mixed German Shepherd persuasion.

'Twas I who paid their veterinary bills, footed the bill for their medication, fed and watered the dear animals and relied on their unswerving devotion and sense of companionship when I was going through the worst period of my life. That made me their owner.

Guardian, my arse.