e is for eric who was buried alive
i have the furious, burning need to rant about something that is painfully awkward, has to do with sex, and probably falls into the too much information category for everyone most of you, so you've been warned... ._.;;;;;
i don't really know why i started thinking about this today, considering since this event took place i haven't really given it much thought other than a passing cringe every now and then, and even when it happened i was happy to put it down to vaguely drunk awkwardness, but something got me thinking about it, and now i'm feeling all pissed off about it and need to get it off my chest in the stupid and potentially horribly embarrassing method of posting it online for all 9 of you that have me on your friend list... hey, christine reads my LJ? huh, didn't know that... the world to read and laugh at, so here goes!
so this all takes place one evening this past april when i was in cali for a visit to friends and doctors.
writtenblade and i went to ren faire for the day, and on our way out at closing, we ran into an old friend of mine from brooks. we chatted a bit, exchanged numbers and emails, he molestered
writtenblade a bit, and then we parted ways. as
writtenblade and i were driving home from the LA area, he called me and asked if we all wanted to get dinner together, so we met up at ihop (oh yeah, horrible diner food XD) and had dinner, where he continued to molester and generally annoy
writtenblade some more, and we looked at photos he took and ate crappy food and made lots of noise to annoy everyone else in the restaurant. after dinner some more stuff happened that doesn't really relate to the story, then
writtenblade bailed on me, begging exhaustion, and the guy and i ended up back at my hotel with my bottle of absinthe (mistake #1).
just in way of explanation, this guy had never expressed an interest in me before, and i wasn't really attracted to him, we'd only ever been friends (and i continue to apologize
writtenblade, he really never was as annoying as he was that evening before). We did talk about sex type topics fairly regularly, but only in a joking sort of manner, and never in reference to each other. so we got back to the hotel room, i poured us each a big glass of absinthe, and we sat around and talked and joked around for about an hour an a half. this is where the awkward weirdness reared its ugly head. he started telling me about all these different girls he'd known, and how beautiful and sexy they were, and how good he was at massage, and how he could make any girl purr (ego much?), and all kinds of crap. i put it down to drunken bravado and humored him by making little non-committal noises and laughing when appropriate, etc. this went on for a little while until he rather suddenly pulled me on top of him and started rubbing my back.
now mind you, it has been and obscenely long time since i've had any sort of "romantic encounter" shall we say, and the last person i was involved with (who was also the first, all of which we'll get to in a bit) did an unsatisfactory job to say the least. so while this guy was just a friend, and as i said, i wasn't really attracted to him, i thought to myself "what the fuck, have a quick shag, and blame any awkward crap on the absinthe, you're going home to NZ in a couple days anyways". unfortunately his much talked of massage skills weren't exactly everything that was promised, and lying face down on anything with DD breasts attached to you, let alone on top of a person who is pushing on your back , is not a nice experience, so i delicately extracted myself and sat back on the couch (mistake #2). this, of course, hurt his little man-ego, and we settled into an uncomfortable silence, on opposite ends of the couch.
i, feeling a bit sorry and still rather keen to end my unwanted period of abstinence, decided to tell him a funny/pitifully sad anecdotal story about how my sex life has been pretty shit up until now, in the hopes of lightening the mood not to mention drive the point home that i needed sex now. the condensed version of the story goes like so: the first guy i was with was significantly lacking in girth, shall we say, and even though there were multiple attempts, he never once managed to a) get me off, and b) break my hymen (seriously, if a doctor examined me without asking my history, they would think i was a virgin). i was so put off by the whole fiasco that i've never gotten around to seriously trying again with anyone to get rid of the damn thing...
.................. this is where he's suppose to say something gallant like "oh, poor little poppet, we must remedy this situation immediately" and proceed to have mad, kinky goth sex (or at least awkward semi-drunk sex >.>;;;)............
instead, a slowly growing look of horror spreads across his face, and he says in an accusatory tone "you're a virgin!". i remind him, that no, in fact i am not, even though the physical evidence says otherwise. he goes off on some long-winded spiel about how i'm still a virgin until someone breaks my hymen, and how he never fucks virgins because they always get emotionally attached no matter what the circumstances of the relationship in real life (what the fuck kind of crap is that). then, out of the blue, he starts trying to convince me that i should have a threesome with him and
writtenblade (what the fuck happened to "i don't fuck virgins"?), then gets up to take a piss, comes back out, says he is leaving because it is late, demands a hug, kisses my forehead (i don't even want to go into how much that pissed me off, it was so fucking demeaning), and leaves. then he calls my cell because he can't find his fucking wallet, makes me help him look for it, then leaves again, never to be heard from again.
.....fucking asshole.....
ok, now i know that i wasn't exactly smooth or seductive or anything, but come on... we only had one drink, so it wasn't like we were plastered, and even if changed his mind about being interested he could have handled it better (frankly at this point i'm very releived that nothing happened)... someone please reasure me that i'm justifyied in being just a wee bit peeved at his behavior >.>;;;;;;;....
p.s. you get an internet cookie if you can guess his first name XD
i don't really know why i started thinking about this today, considering since this event took place i haven't really given it much thought other than a passing cringe every now and then, and even when it happened i was happy to put it down to vaguely drunk awkwardness, but something got me thinking about it, and now i'm feeling all pissed off about it and need to get it off my chest in the stupid and potentially horribly embarrassing method of posting it online for all 9 of you that have me on your friend list... hey, christine reads my LJ? huh, didn't know that... the world to read and laugh at, so here goes!
so this all takes place one evening this past april when i was in cali for a visit to friends and doctors.
writtenblade and i went to ren faire for the day, and on our way out at closing, we ran into an old friend of mine from brooks. we chatted a bit, exchanged numbers and emails, he molestered
writtenblade a bit, and then we parted ways. as
writtenblade and i were driving home from the LA area, he called me and asked if we all wanted to get dinner together, so we met up at ihop (oh yeah, horrible diner food XD) and had dinner, where he continued to molester and generally annoy
writtenblade some more, and we looked at photos he took and ate crappy food and made lots of noise to annoy everyone else in the restaurant. after dinner some more stuff happened that doesn't really relate to the story, then
writtenblade bailed on me, begging exhaustion, and the guy and i ended up back at my hotel with my bottle of absinthe (mistake #1).
just in way of explanation, this guy had never expressed an interest in me before, and i wasn't really attracted to him, we'd only ever been friends (and i continue to apologize
writtenblade, he really never was as annoying as he was that evening before). We did talk about sex type topics fairly regularly, but only in a joking sort of manner, and never in reference to each other. so we got back to the hotel room, i poured us each a big glass of absinthe, and we sat around and talked and joked around for about an hour an a half. this is where the awkward weirdness reared its ugly head. he started telling me about all these different girls he'd known, and how beautiful and sexy they were, and how good he was at massage, and how he could make any girl purr (ego much?), and all kinds of crap. i put it down to drunken bravado and humored him by making little non-committal noises and laughing when appropriate, etc. this went on for a little while until he rather suddenly pulled me on top of him and started rubbing my back.
now mind you, it has been and obscenely long time since i've had any sort of "romantic encounter" shall we say, and the last person i was involved with (who was also the first, all of which we'll get to in a bit) did an unsatisfactory job to say the least. so while this guy was just a friend, and as i said, i wasn't really attracted to him, i thought to myself "what the fuck, have a quick shag, and blame any awkward crap on the absinthe, you're going home to NZ in a couple days anyways". unfortunately his much talked of massage skills weren't exactly everything that was promised, and lying face down on anything with DD breasts attached to you, let alone on top of a person who is pushing on your back , is not a nice experience, so i delicately extracted myself and sat back on the couch (mistake #2). this, of course, hurt his little man-ego, and we settled into an uncomfortable silence, on opposite ends of the couch.
i, feeling a bit sorry and still rather keen to end my unwanted period of abstinence, decided to tell him a funny/pitifully sad anecdotal story about how my sex life has been pretty shit up until now, in the hopes of lightening the mood not to mention drive the point home that i needed sex now. the condensed version of the story goes like so: the first guy i was with was significantly lacking in girth, shall we say, and even though there were multiple attempts, he never once managed to a) get me off, and b) break my hymen (seriously, if a doctor examined me without asking my history, they would think i was a virgin). i was so put off by the whole fiasco that i've never gotten around to seriously trying again with anyone to get rid of the damn thing...
.................. this is where he's suppose to say something gallant like "oh, poor little poppet, we must remedy this situation immediately" and proceed to have mad, kinky goth sex (or at least awkward semi-drunk sex >.>;;;)............
instead, a slowly growing look of horror spreads across his face, and he says in an accusatory tone "you're a virgin!". i remind him, that no, in fact i am not, even though the physical evidence says otherwise. he goes off on some long-winded spiel about how i'm still a virgin until someone breaks my hymen, and how he never fucks virgins because they always get emotionally attached no matter what the circumstances of the relationship in real life (what the fuck kind of crap is that). then, out of the blue, he starts trying to convince me that i should have a threesome with him and
writtenblade (what the fuck happened to "i don't fuck virgins"?), then gets up to take a piss, comes back out, says he is leaving because it is late, demands a hug, kisses my forehead (i don't even want to go into how much that pissed me off, it was so fucking demeaning), and leaves. then he calls my cell because he can't find his fucking wallet, makes me help him look for it, then leaves again, never to be heard from again.
.....fucking asshole.....
ok, now i know that i wasn't exactly smooth or seductive or anything, but come on... we only had one drink, so it wasn't like we were plastered, and even if changed his mind about being interested he could have handled it better (frankly at this point i'm very releived that nothing happened)... someone please reasure me that i'm justifyied in being just a wee bit peeved at his behavior >.>;;;;;;;....
p.s. you get an internet cookie if you can guess his first name XD