[Brainstorm] Story Outlines # 5
Scrap, yet again.
01. Incubation
(NOTES: Physical Akaya x Yanagi. Prostitution. Strangeness.)
...
"I-I'm Akaya. Wh-what's your name?"
The other regarded him with amusement through the sliver of amber depths. He realized that he just introduced himself to this man before him, the man who will be gone by daybreak.
There was no point to his introduction.
"Please, call me Yanagi."
Instead of mocking him, the other replied politely.
After all, he thought, the other really wasn't just another prostitute. He had some background.
…
After their activity.
"Hey... If you don't mind me asking... Why are you doing this?"
The other turned to him quietly.
"I-I mean. You're really smart... So, what made you want to do this?"
The other, after a moment of silence, smiled ironically.
"Don't ask any questions. Just assume I am lascivious. That is just easier, is it not?"
As the other dressed, he found himself opening his mouth again.
Maybe he wanted to get to know the other more.
Maybe he was interested.
Maybe he just wanted to hear the other's voice, or his own voice break through this thick and awkward silence.
"...Is Yanagi your actual name?"
"...No." The other hesitated before answering.
"Then..." He ventured. "What is your name?"
The other shook his head.
"It doesn't matter anymore." He said. "It doesn't suit me anyway."
The purity symbolized in the flower in his name didn't suit him anymore.
What was the use recalling it?
Plus, the people who once called him by that name weren't here anymore.
What was the use recalling it?
Yanagi thought, and bid farewell to his client.
Akaya watched him leave.
Even the way he closed the door behind him revealed his subtle mannerism.
He smirked, somewhat disappointed.
He didn't know if the other will go find himself another client tonight or not.
…
02. The Suppressed Monster ~獣性
(NOTES: Alternating POV. Devil!Akaya x Yanagi. Akaya x Yanagi. Yanagi wanted a platonic relationship. It was what Akaya wanted as well...or was it?)
...
When all the couples in relationships began holding hands on their first date, Akaya had expected his first time out with his Yanagi-senpai to have the same occurrence.
Yet, the other was older than him, and he did not want to seem as if he was disrespecting him.
So, instead, he posed a question that he thought would successfully lead up to a friendly date of hand-holding.
"Ne, Yanagi-senpai. Do you think holding hands appropriate for a date?"
Instead of receiving the answer that he expected, the other answered without turning to look at him.
"For heterosexual couples, it is a common ritual during outings. However..." He started. "If you are wondering if the same applies for homosexual couples, then, the action of hand-holding will offend 91% of the population the homosexual couple is to encounter during their outing."
Or, simply, the answer was, "No, hand-holding was inappropriate for them even when they were currently in a relationship."
All of sudden, Akaya felt his world dim, and he was unsure if he was still excited for their first outing as he was the previous night.
…
When the figure of his Yanagi-senpai's back came into view, all he desired was to run up to the other, and embrace him tightly from behind.
That was what he did exactly.
"Yanagi-senpai!" He called out in excitement. Excitement to see him. Excitement to feel him.
Yet, all the other did was brush off his arms.
"This is inappropriate behavior especially during club activities."
His hands fell to his sides.
He stared at the other's back, the back that never once turned to reveal the other's front to him. He stared, petrified, as the other walked away, notebook in hand, his figure shrinking with the distance.
The excitement from before cool quickly and frozen into disappointment.
…
The library.
A secluded independent study room.
"This sentence should be read, 'Mt Fuji is the highest mountain in Japan.'"
He was paying attention to the other.
BUt he was only focusing on the other's voice, not the content of his speech.
His eyes stared at the smooth structures moving smoothly to his words. They attracted him.
"Did you get that, Akaya?"
He did not hear the other. Instead, as if in a trance, he began leaning in.
His lips yearned for the contact of the other's own.
Closer. Closer.
Until he felt the other's hot breath upon his lips.
Just as the tip of his bottom lip brushed against the other's lip, the other turned away.
His lips brushed against the other's cheek.
He awoke from his daze.
Before he could explain himself, perhaps even apologize for intruding the other's personal space, the other spoke.
"You can review the rest of the material by yourself."
Saying, the other stood up, gathered up his materials quickly and walked to the door.
Opening the door, he stepped outside and was gone.
He left him behind.
And he felt his heart fall again.
…
"Ne, Yanagi-senpai... Do you know what day it is?"
"Aa. It's your birthday, is it not?"
"Do you know the significance of birthdays, Yanagi-senpai?"
"...There is a 97% chance that you are waiting for your present."
"...Ne, Yanagi-senpai... Can I decide my own present this year?"
"...I will see what I can do."
"Will you give yourself to me just once?"
"...Akaya..."
"...You've rejected every on of my advances, Yanagi-senpai." He looked to the ground. "Are we not in a romance? Why does it feel as if we are merely schoolmates?"
"Akaya.."
"Ne, Yanagi-senpai..." He reached and held onto he the other's arms. "Please, just grant me this one wish, and I won't ask for anything more. Please, just grant me this much so I can confirm the existence of our relationship..."
There was a moment of silence.
Finally, the other said.
"Sorry, Akaya. This is inappropriate behavior."
Saying, he dropped the gift bag onto the floor beside his bed, and turned to leave again.
Yet, before he could open the door to leave, a hand from behind him pushed forcefully against the surface of the door, preventing his departure.
He felt heat against his neck.
"I did not want to resort to this... But the kid was really pissing me off." Yanagi realized that the other was not using his style of speech.
Calmly, Yanagi turned to face the other behind him. He had to check what was wrong with him.
His sight came into view with red eyes.
Those were the other's eyes when he fell into the devil mode.
"Everyone has a limit, a boundary that cannot be explored by another." He looked at him. "Do you understand?"
"These limits that you have set for me...pushes against my limits." The other smirked sarcastically. He leaned in to whisper in his ear. " Tell me, Yanagi-senpai, if you have violated my boundaries and pushed past me past my limits, then do I have the right to violate your boundaries and push you past your own limits?"
He could not answer.
"Akaya." His gaze hardened. "Don't make me hate you."
"Go ahead. Hate him for something he doesn't know he is doing. It was because of your limits on him that he shut himself in in the first place, anyway.
"Why do you deny your bestial instincts?"
…
"Will you...not...use a...contraceptive?" His voice was unsteady in the other's hasty movements.
"That's not part of my plan." The other's breath tickled his ear. "I will spill heat into you. I will melt your ice."
"..." Renji knew, whatever he was to say now was to be useless. So, he chose to say nothing and allowed his body to be rocked to the disquiet waves of passion.
But he thought of what he was attempting to protect all this time. He thought of the wrong he was attempting to prevent all this time.
He thought of his failure.
A single tear descended his cheek.
"Are you crying from ecstasy?"
…
"Don't let him know about this."
The other propped his elbow against the pillow and planted his cheek in his palm. He looked down at him, mildly intrigued.
"Even after all this, you are still attempting to protect him."
"..."
"I find it amusing that you are treating him so much like a child."
"He is a child."
"If he was a child," his lazy voice contrasted greatly from the serious glint in his eyes, "then how is it that I, a monster that serves as the manifestation of his desire for you, exist?"
"..." Yanagi did not answer the other's question.
"And if he truly was a child, then why did you agree to have such a relationship with him in the first place?" He reached for the other's face, directing it towards his direction. He lowered his head until his lips brushed against his, and his red eyes stared into his opened amber eyes from an inch away. "Were you so naive to think that he could accept your platonic ideal?"
The other's voice lowered to a whisper.
"Or, perhaps, deep down inside, you had your own desires. As you were rejecting him, you were also rejecting those forbidden desires you had within you." His eyes narrowed. "Now, tell me, am I right in my detailed analysis?"
There was no need for him to answer.
So instead, he only passively accepted the other as he lowered himself further to attach their lips together.
…
"I...I'm sorry, Yanagi-senpai!"
That familiar tone of voice.
He knew the other had recovered.
He sat up slowly, carefully avoiding the soreness in his lower extremety.
"I...I don't know what came over me, Yanagi-senpai." The other hung his head in shame.
It wasn't a stupid excuse, one that most people made after making stupid mistakes.
It was true, there was no way Akaya could have known about his own monster.
He shook his head, hand reaching out to stroke the other's hair.=
"It is fine, Akaya."
He edged towards him.
"I apologize for rejecting you so many times." He looked away, his hand retreating back to his side. "Since it is a special occasion today... You may continue if you wish."
"Ya-Yanagi-senpai!" The other watched him in surprise.
"Aa. I will not go back on my word."
"I-I'll be gentle this time, I promise!" He lowered him back onto the mattress.
When the back of his head landed on the pillow, he was staring up at the other's head blocking the white ceiling. He was staring into his eyes.
The last trace of red drained from his eyes and the depths returned to their original pure emerald shade.
...
04. Mutuality
(NOTES: Future timeline. Sanada x Yanagi.)
...
A marriage contract is just a piece of paper.
Sana + Yana: after activity
Sana: begins dressing
Yana: watches his back, remembers what Sana told him about marriage
-marriage is only natural for two people of opposite genders
-marriage means procreation, and an extension of the human race
-when Sanada got married, but still came to his apartment to engage with him in such activities, he asked him, "Will you not place more importance in your family?"
-Sana: "A marriage contract is just a piece of paper."
-It was what his family wished for. He, being the responsible man that he is, agreed to his family's wishes and married the woman chosen by his parents.
-It was just an obligation.
But, Renji knew, once the other's wife becomes pregnant, it wouldn't just be an obligation.
The other liked kids.
When that time comes, he wondered, what reason will they have to continue their relationship?
Yana: 'Genichirou, you say that a marriage contract is merely a piece of paper...' Yet, why was it that he could not convince himself to think so?
-Just like, our engagement in such activities cannot just be called sex. But the other engages in the same activity with his wife, and will end up having children with her. While their engagement of such an activity ends in empty fulfillment.
-When his children are born, perhaps the other will be fooled into thinking that he loves his wife for what she produces for him. Similarly, even if the other loves him but there is no marriage contract to prove such a love, then perhaps the other will one day lose all feelings for him.
Logically, he knew their relationship was just pointless. He was a man. Even if they were to get married, he cannot give the other what he wanted. He could not give the other's parents what they wanted.
Similarly, the other could not give him what he wants, either.
That marriage contract, that document declaring mutual love, that the other saw only as another piece of paper to feed the garbage.
-Yana: after the long silence, spoke again
-"Your wife is twenty-six weeks into her pregnancy, is she not?"
-Sana: stops buttoning shirt halfway
-continues after a moment, "Aa."
-Yana: (sits up slowly, carefully avoiding the sore area on his back)
-turns away to sit on the opposite edge of the bed
-looks at floor
-"Genichirou... Let us end this."
…
05. Microcosm
(NOTES: Renji POV. MPREG.)
A small part could so easily represent a larger whole.
If one took a glimpse at the small details, he has, perhaps, already seen the bigger picture.
The world is made up of difference people-of different race, different nationality, different culture.
The train and its diverse population is much like a miniature version of the world.
The ride, strangely, was full of pregnant women today, he observed.
He lifted his head carefully. The eyes hidden under his eyelids moved slowly with stealth as they captured the different figures.
There were mothers who retained their slim figure even when they carried extra weight.
Then, there were mothers who struggled to maintain their weight, their figures so engorged that it was as if someone had pumped gallons of water into their bloodstream.
There were mothers why hid their pregnancies in shame.
There were mothers who exposed their swollen abdomens proudly; only they know just how much work it required for them to be granted privilege to carry life.
Just what circumstances brought these women to be as they are today? He wondered.
And whom, amongst these women, would he be comparing himself to in the future?
The hand that slowly crept up his thigh to rest against the fabric covering the toned, flat abdomen beneath hoped to find an answer in the foreign heart beats he palpated.
The future was a difficult thing to predict.
…
05. Nausea
(NOTES: Future fic. Akaya x Yanagi. Strangeness. Psychological piece. Sensitive material. The difference between physical acceptance and psychological acceptance.)
His partner rolled off of him, falling on the bed beside him.
The room once filled with groans and moans and the squeaky sounds of the mattress below them quieted to the ragged huffs and puffs of their heavy pants. They both worked to catch their breath.
His partner turned to him. Now, the other's heavy breathing in his ear mixed with his and he could not tell the two apart.
An arm, firm with defined musculature, draped across his stomach. The other's at his side pulled their sweaty figures together.
"That was amazing, Yanagi-senpai." His partner's hot breath told one ear.
"Aa." He replied simply. He then tossed a blanket over them and reached to unhook the other's hand from his side. Usually, he could pull off the other's hand easily. Yet, his hold was especially strong tonight.
"Wait, Yanagi-senpai."
"What is it, Akaya?"
Akaya snuck closer, resting his chin on his shoulder. "I want to ask you something."
"..." He waited.
"Are you free next weekend?"
"You have something in mind."
"I want to introduce you to my parents."
Silence. It wasn't the first time his partner requested such a thing. It was something the other brought up continuously, something he passively rejected each time.
He wondered, what kind of excuse was he to use this time.
"I want to be out with them. I want to show you to them."
Show them the object of his pride. As Akaya claimed so many times. He was the object of his pride.
"Aa. I understand. I will take time off next Sunday." He couldn't run forever.
"Thanks, Yanagi-senpai!" The other only hugged him tighter under the covers. However, his partner's excitement didn't reach him. It was like that supposedly positive feeling invaded his abdominal cavity to yank and twist at the loops of his intestines.
He denied that physical discomfort. His mind pursuing sleep like the other beside him.
Several hours later, past midnight, he awoke suddenly. The sweat that coated his body produced from the heat of their passion turned cold, falling steadily to freezing point. While, his stomach burned as if he just swallowed a mouthful of hot coal.
…
-Physically: Yana can accept intercourse with men, with Akaya
-defines himself as a homosexual
-Psychologically: sometimes, after intercourse with Aka, Yanagi finds himself groping blindly in the dark for the light switch in the bathroom
-lifts up the toilet seat; never seen so many colors in his entire life
-at first, Akaya jokes that Yanagi was pregnant
-after day after day of vomiting and losing serious weight, Akaya's jokes halted and he got worried instead
-vomiting started when Aka asked Yana if they could go see Aka's parents together
-Yana: (deep down) doesn't allow himself to be anything less than perfect
-can't stand when people shoot him weird or discriminating looks
-seeing Aka's parents makes him uncomfortable, makes him want to throw up, as if he was trying to purge the tradition in his blood so that he could go see Akaya's parents proudly.
…
Night.
Akaya and Yanagi returned home.
Strangely, Yana didn't vomit that night.
Yet.
For the first time in a while, Yanagi rolled over, turning his back to his partner, rejecting the other's advances.
Explanation:
I feel that Yanagi is a perfectionist. Because he is such, he has the tendency of magnifying every flaw and failure. His relationship with Akaya is not necessarily a flaw, however the connotations that comes with it may be seen as such. That is why, while Akaya can fully accept the relationship, Yanagi might have some trouble.
Even though physically he has accepted his orientation and relationship with Akaya, there is a psychological part of him that adheres to strict tradition. That is, the tradition that defied the same-gender relationship that he is having with Akaya. That regurgitation, that nauseated feeling he has is the result of the battles between the physiological and the psychological.
…
06. Refuge
(NOTES: Future timeline. Pseudo Sanada x Yukimura. Lurking symbolisms. Lurking plot. Lurking pairing. Sanada POV. His refuge was here, and his home, elsewhere.)
...
[BGM: BEAST - "On Rainy Days"]
The winds swipe at their house from all different directions, trying again and again to destroy it. All the rattling from paper doors and windows made it appear as if it had been an earthquake instead of a category 2 typhoon.
Sanada is safe and sound inside the house. But his mind, his focus is outside circling the structure that that protected them now. He is worried that the wind might break through all the preparation he has made before the hurricane hit.
On TV, the reporter interviewed a fortunate citizen who still had his home.
"The town is basically destroyed. I mean, maximum damage. People are displaced. Everybody's staying at friends' houses. We have people staying with us because their house is gone."
"It's unfortunate all those people lost their homes." Sitting beside him at the low table, Yukimura's voice sounds ghostly and hollow. The voice of his subconscious,
He nodded. "Aa. Though it is a relief that they found refuge in other homes."
Sanada is secretly relieved that the Hurricane is but a few strong winds at where they were, relieved that they still had their residence.
Yukimura didn't reply to his comment, didn't smile in relief. A certain air encompassed him like a fog, making him appear more distant even though he took a seat beside him. The bluenet was strangely unfazed about the hurricane.
"The people who seek shelter after the hurricane will quickly adapt to their surroundings. Because the situation demands it from them. It does not mean they have given up their homes. If anything, they are thinking of a way, the best way, to recover what they have lost." After a period of awkward silence, Yukimura finally spoke again. In that same hollow voice.
When he turned to look beside him, Sanada sees his companion staring out the window. He sees the storm's turbulence reflected in the other's eyes of dark sea. He didn't know if it was from the squall outside or from inside of Yukimura's mind.
...
The hurricane subsided.
Their house was safe and sound. Unlike the other areas in the country, they did not lose electricity, their streets were not flooded.
The one misfortune that befell them, or rather, Yukimura, was that the garden he spent years refining ended up in a destroyed mess.
The garden had no hope of revival. Sanada knew this even though he was no gardening expert. Because Yukimura made no effort at cleaning it up, made no effort at reorganizing the setting. He merely sat on the veranda, fingers stroking slowly a large, tattered white summer blossom resting in his palm.
Yukimura stared at the mess of a garden before him.
Sanada stared at the mess of a person before him. The damage in the garden had been bad enough. But for some reason, he thought the damage his companion sustained might have been worse than the chaos in the garden.
...
Night.
They lied together on a single futon.
He wraps a work-calloused hand around Yukimura's more smooth and delicate hand in an attempt to comfort him.
Yukimura twitched as if pulled abruptly from his thoughts. He slipped his hand from Sanada's grip. Sliding towards the edge of the futon, the other turned his back to him for the first time in their three year cohabitation.
Sanada thought it to be strange. He recalled the gesture to have successfully comforted the other in the past as the other always replied with an appreciative smile whenever he cradled the other's cold hands in his warm ones.
...
Morning.
Their room littered with clothing as if a hurricane had swept through. In amid the chaos, Yukimura picked up all the clothes, shoving them into a suitcase.
He rushed over to him, placing a hand over his shoulder intending to stop him. "What are you doing, Yukimura? It's no use going out now. Most of the roads are still blocked off."
Yukimura didn't say anything. Instead, he pauses in his packing and looks at him with determination contrasting greatly from yesterday's blankness. His palm slipped from his shoulder.
Sanada was struck speechless. He knew the look too well. He had seen such a look nine years ago, in junior high when the other struggled to stand and walk beginning his rehabilitation. It meant, there was no use trying to change his mind.
Yukimura left. His sudden departure made him realize that the hurricane didn't only break homes and sever bridges, it also seemed to have ripped apart the fake content they had constructed.
Yukimura left. He wasn't sure whether the other was even coming back at all.
01. Incubation
(NOTES: Physical Akaya x Yanagi. Prostitution. Strangeness.)
...
"I-I'm Akaya. Wh-what's your name?"
The other regarded him with amusement through the sliver of amber depths. He realized that he just introduced himself to this man before him, the man who will be gone by daybreak.
There was no point to his introduction.
"Please, call me Yanagi."
Instead of mocking him, the other replied politely.
After all, he thought, the other really wasn't just another prostitute. He had some background.
…
After their activity.
"Hey... If you don't mind me asking... Why are you doing this?"
The other turned to him quietly.
"I-I mean. You're really smart... So, what made you want to do this?"
The other, after a moment of silence, smiled ironically.
"Don't ask any questions. Just assume I am lascivious. That is just easier, is it not?"
As the other dressed, he found himself opening his mouth again.
Maybe he wanted to get to know the other more.
Maybe he was interested.
Maybe he just wanted to hear the other's voice, or his own voice break through this thick and awkward silence.
"...Is Yanagi your actual name?"
"...No." The other hesitated before answering.
"Then..." He ventured. "What is your name?"
The other shook his head.
"It doesn't matter anymore." He said. "It doesn't suit me anyway."
The purity symbolized in the flower in his name didn't suit him anymore.
What was the use recalling it?
Plus, the people who once called him by that name weren't here anymore.
What was the use recalling it?
Yanagi thought, and bid farewell to his client.
Akaya watched him leave.
Even the way he closed the door behind him revealed his subtle mannerism.
He smirked, somewhat disappointed.
He didn't know if the other will go find himself another client tonight or not.
…
02. The Suppressed Monster ~獣性
(NOTES: Alternating POV. Devil!Akaya x Yanagi. Akaya x Yanagi. Yanagi wanted a platonic relationship. It was what Akaya wanted as well...or was it?)
...
When all the couples in relationships began holding hands on their first date, Akaya had expected his first time out with his Yanagi-senpai to have the same occurrence.
Yet, the other was older than him, and he did not want to seem as if he was disrespecting him.
So, instead, he posed a question that he thought would successfully lead up to a friendly date of hand-holding.
"Ne, Yanagi-senpai. Do you think holding hands appropriate for a date?"
Instead of receiving the answer that he expected, the other answered without turning to look at him.
"For heterosexual couples, it is a common ritual during outings. However..." He started. "If you are wondering if the same applies for homosexual couples, then, the action of hand-holding will offend 91% of the population the homosexual couple is to encounter during their outing."
Or, simply, the answer was, "No, hand-holding was inappropriate for them even when they were currently in a relationship."
All of sudden, Akaya felt his world dim, and he was unsure if he was still excited for their first outing as he was the previous night.
…
When the figure of his Yanagi-senpai's back came into view, all he desired was to run up to the other, and embrace him tightly from behind.
That was what he did exactly.
"Yanagi-senpai!" He called out in excitement. Excitement to see him. Excitement to feel him.
Yet, all the other did was brush off his arms.
"This is inappropriate behavior especially during club activities."
His hands fell to his sides.
He stared at the other's back, the back that never once turned to reveal the other's front to him. He stared, petrified, as the other walked away, notebook in hand, his figure shrinking with the distance.
The excitement from before cool quickly and frozen into disappointment.
…
The library.
A secluded independent study room.
"This sentence should be read, 'Mt Fuji is the highest mountain in Japan.'"
He was paying attention to the other.
BUt he was only focusing on the other's voice, not the content of his speech.
His eyes stared at the smooth structures moving smoothly to his words. They attracted him.
"Did you get that, Akaya?"
He did not hear the other. Instead, as if in a trance, he began leaning in.
His lips yearned for the contact of the other's own.
Closer. Closer.
Until he felt the other's hot breath upon his lips.
Just as the tip of his bottom lip brushed against the other's lip, the other turned away.
His lips brushed against the other's cheek.
He awoke from his daze.
Before he could explain himself, perhaps even apologize for intruding the other's personal space, the other spoke.
"You can review the rest of the material by yourself."
Saying, the other stood up, gathered up his materials quickly and walked to the door.
Opening the door, he stepped outside and was gone.
He left him behind.
And he felt his heart fall again.
…
"Ne, Yanagi-senpai... Do you know what day it is?"
"Aa. It's your birthday, is it not?"
"Do you know the significance of birthdays, Yanagi-senpai?"
"...There is a 97% chance that you are waiting for your present."
"...Ne, Yanagi-senpai... Can I decide my own present this year?"
"...I will see what I can do."
"Will you give yourself to me just once?"
"...Akaya..."
"...You've rejected every on of my advances, Yanagi-senpai." He looked to the ground. "Are we not in a romance? Why does it feel as if we are merely schoolmates?"
"Akaya.."
"Ne, Yanagi-senpai..." He reached and held onto he the other's arms. "Please, just grant me this one wish, and I won't ask for anything more. Please, just grant me this much so I can confirm the existence of our relationship..."
There was a moment of silence.
Finally, the other said.
"Sorry, Akaya. This is inappropriate behavior."
Saying, he dropped the gift bag onto the floor beside his bed, and turned to leave again.
Yet, before he could open the door to leave, a hand from behind him pushed forcefully against the surface of the door, preventing his departure.
He felt heat against his neck.
"I did not want to resort to this... But the kid was really pissing me off." Yanagi realized that the other was not using his style of speech.
Calmly, Yanagi turned to face the other behind him. He had to check what was wrong with him.
His sight came into view with red eyes.
Those were the other's eyes when he fell into the devil mode.
"Everyone has a limit, a boundary that cannot be explored by another." He looked at him. "Do you understand?"
"These limits that you have set for me...pushes against my limits." The other smirked sarcastically. He leaned in to whisper in his ear. " Tell me, Yanagi-senpai, if you have violated my boundaries and pushed past me past my limits, then do I have the right to violate your boundaries and push you past your own limits?"
He could not answer.
"Akaya." His gaze hardened. "Don't make me hate you."
"Go ahead. Hate him for something he doesn't know he is doing. It was because of your limits on him that he shut himself in in the first place, anyway.
"Why do you deny your bestial instincts?"
…
"Will you...not...use a...contraceptive?" His voice was unsteady in the other's hasty movements.
"That's not part of my plan." The other's breath tickled his ear. "I will spill heat into you. I will melt your ice."
"..." Renji knew, whatever he was to say now was to be useless. So, he chose to say nothing and allowed his body to be rocked to the disquiet waves of passion.
But he thought of what he was attempting to protect all this time. He thought of the wrong he was attempting to prevent all this time.
He thought of his failure.
A single tear descended his cheek.
"Are you crying from ecstasy?"
…
"Don't let him know about this."
The other propped his elbow against the pillow and planted his cheek in his palm. He looked down at him, mildly intrigued.
"Even after all this, you are still attempting to protect him."
"..."
"I find it amusing that you are treating him so much like a child."
"He is a child."
"If he was a child," his lazy voice contrasted greatly from the serious glint in his eyes, "then how is it that I, a monster that serves as the manifestation of his desire for you, exist?"
"..." Yanagi did not answer the other's question.
"And if he truly was a child, then why did you agree to have such a relationship with him in the first place?" He reached for the other's face, directing it towards his direction. He lowered his head until his lips brushed against his, and his red eyes stared into his opened amber eyes from an inch away. "Were you so naive to think that he could accept your platonic ideal?"
The other's voice lowered to a whisper.
"Or, perhaps, deep down inside, you had your own desires. As you were rejecting him, you were also rejecting those forbidden desires you had within you." His eyes narrowed. "Now, tell me, am I right in my detailed analysis?"
There was no need for him to answer.
So instead, he only passively accepted the other as he lowered himself further to attach their lips together.
…
"I...I'm sorry, Yanagi-senpai!"
That familiar tone of voice.
He knew the other had recovered.
He sat up slowly, carefully avoiding the soreness in his lower extremety.
"I...I don't know what came over me, Yanagi-senpai." The other hung his head in shame.
It wasn't a stupid excuse, one that most people made after making stupid mistakes.
It was true, there was no way Akaya could have known about his own monster.
He shook his head, hand reaching out to stroke the other's hair.=
"It is fine, Akaya."
He edged towards him.
"I apologize for rejecting you so many times." He looked away, his hand retreating back to his side. "Since it is a special occasion today... You may continue if you wish."
"Ya-Yanagi-senpai!" The other watched him in surprise.
"Aa. I will not go back on my word."
"I-I'll be gentle this time, I promise!" He lowered him back onto the mattress.
When the back of his head landed on the pillow, he was staring up at the other's head blocking the white ceiling. He was staring into his eyes.
The last trace of red drained from his eyes and the depths returned to their original pure emerald shade.
...
04. Mutuality
(NOTES: Future timeline. Sanada x Yanagi.)
...
A marriage contract is just a piece of paper.
Sana + Yana: after activity
Sana: begins dressing
Yana: watches his back, remembers what Sana told him about marriage
-marriage is only natural for two people of opposite genders
-marriage means procreation, and an extension of the human race
-when Sanada got married, but still came to his apartment to engage with him in such activities, he asked him, "Will you not place more importance in your family?"
-Sana: "A marriage contract is just a piece of paper."
-It was what his family wished for. He, being the responsible man that he is, agreed to his family's wishes and married the woman chosen by his parents.
-It was just an obligation.
But, Renji knew, once the other's wife becomes pregnant, it wouldn't just be an obligation.
The other liked kids.
When that time comes, he wondered, what reason will they have to continue their relationship?
Yana: 'Genichirou, you say that a marriage contract is merely a piece of paper...' Yet, why was it that he could not convince himself to think so?
-Just like, our engagement in such activities cannot just be called sex. But the other engages in the same activity with his wife, and will end up having children with her. While their engagement of such an activity ends in empty fulfillment.
-When his children are born, perhaps the other will be fooled into thinking that he loves his wife for what she produces for him. Similarly, even if the other loves him but there is no marriage contract to prove such a love, then perhaps the other will one day lose all feelings for him.
Logically, he knew their relationship was just pointless. He was a man. Even if they were to get married, he cannot give the other what he wanted. He could not give the other's parents what they wanted.
Similarly, the other could not give him what he wants, either.
That marriage contract, that document declaring mutual love, that the other saw only as another piece of paper to feed the garbage.
-Yana: after the long silence, spoke again
-"Your wife is twenty-six weeks into her pregnancy, is she not?"
-Sana: stops buttoning shirt halfway
-continues after a moment, "Aa."
-Yana: (sits up slowly, carefully avoiding the sore area on his back)
-turns away to sit on the opposite edge of the bed
-looks at floor
-"Genichirou... Let us end this."
…
05. Microcosm
(NOTES: Renji POV. MPREG.)
A small part could so easily represent a larger whole.
If one took a glimpse at the small details, he has, perhaps, already seen the bigger picture.
The world is made up of difference people-of different race, different nationality, different culture.
The train and its diverse population is much like a miniature version of the world.
The ride, strangely, was full of pregnant women today, he observed.
He lifted his head carefully. The eyes hidden under his eyelids moved slowly with stealth as they captured the different figures.
There were mothers who retained their slim figure even when they carried extra weight.
Then, there were mothers who struggled to maintain their weight, their figures so engorged that it was as if someone had pumped gallons of water into their bloodstream.
There were mothers why hid their pregnancies in shame.
There were mothers who exposed their swollen abdomens proudly; only they know just how much work it required for them to be granted privilege to carry life.
Just what circumstances brought these women to be as they are today? He wondered.
And whom, amongst these women, would he be comparing himself to in the future?
The hand that slowly crept up his thigh to rest against the fabric covering the toned, flat abdomen beneath hoped to find an answer in the foreign heart beats he palpated.
The future was a difficult thing to predict.
…
05. Nausea
(NOTES: Future fic. Akaya x Yanagi. Strangeness. Psychological piece. Sensitive material. The difference between physical acceptance and psychological acceptance.)
His partner rolled off of him, falling on the bed beside him.
The room once filled with groans and moans and the squeaky sounds of the mattress below them quieted to the ragged huffs and puffs of their heavy pants. They both worked to catch their breath.
His partner turned to him. Now, the other's heavy breathing in his ear mixed with his and he could not tell the two apart.
An arm, firm with defined musculature, draped across his stomach. The other's at his side pulled their sweaty figures together.
"That was amazing, Yanagi-senpai." His partner's hot breath told one ear.
"Aa." He replied simply. He then tossed a blanket over them and reached to unhook the other's hand from his side. Usually, he could pull off the other's hand easily. Yet, his hold was especially strong tonight.
"Wait, Yanagi-senpai."
"What is it, Akaya?"
Akaya snuck closer, resting his chin on his shoulder. "I want to ask you something."
"..." He waited.
"Are you free next weekend?"
"You have something in mind."
"I want to introduce you to my parents."
Silence. It wasn't the first time his partner requested such a thing. It was something the other brought up continuously, something he passively rejected each time.
He wondered, what kind of excuse was he to use this time.
"I want to be out with them. I want to show you to them."
Show them the object of his pride. As Akaya claimed so many times. He was the object of his pride.
"Aa. I understand. I will take time off next Sunday." He couldn't run forever.
"Thanks, Yanagi-senpai!" The other only hugged him tighter under the covers. However, his partner's excitement didn't reach him. It was like that supposedly positive feeling invaded his abdominal cavity to yank and twist at the loops of his intestines.
He denied that physical discomfort. His mind pursuing sleep like the other beside him.
Several hours later, past midnight, he awoke suddenly. The sweat that coated his body produced from the heat of their passion turned cold, falling steadily to freezing point. While, his stomach burned as if he just swallowed a mouthful of hot coal.
…
-Physically: Yana can accept intercourse with men, with Akaya
-defines himself as a homosexual
-Psychologically: sometimes, after intercourse with Aka, Yanagi finds himself groping blindly in the dark for the light switch in the bathroom
-lifts up the toilet seat; never seen so many colors in his entire life
-at first, Akaya jokes that Yanagi was pregnant
-after day after day of vomiting and losing serious weight, Akaya's jokes halted and he got worried instead
-vomiting started when Aka asked Yana if they could go see Aka's parents together
-Yana: (deep down) doesn't allow himself to be anything less than perfect
-can't stand when people shoot him weird or discriminating looks
-seeing Aka's parents makes him uncomfortable, makes him want to throw up, as if he was trying to purge the tradition in his blood so that he could go see Akaya's parents proudly.
…
Night.
Akaya and Yanagi returned home.
Strangely, Yana didn't vomit that night.
Yet.
For the first time in a while, Yanagi rolled over, turning his back to his partner, rejecting the other's advances.
Explanation:
I feel that Yanagi is a perfectionist. Because he is such, he has the tendency of magnifying every flaw and failure. His relationship with Akaya is not necessarily a flaw, however the connotations that comes with it may be seen as such. That is why, while Akaya can fully accept the relationship, Yanagi might have some trouble.
Even though physically he has accepted his orientation and relationship with Akaya, there is a psychological part of him that adheres to strict tradition. That is, the tradition that defied the same-gender relationship that he is having with Akaya. That regurgitation, that nauseated feeling he has is the result of the battles between the physiological and the psychological.
…
06. Refuge
(NOTES: Future timeline. Pseudo Sanada x Yukimura. Lurking symbolisms. Lurking plot. Lurking pairing. Sanada POV. His refuge was here, and his home, elsewhere.)
...
[BGM: BEAST - "On Rainy Days"]
The winds swipe at their house from all different directions, trying again and again to destroy it. All the rattling from paper doors and windows made it appear as if it had been an earthquake instead of a category 2 typhoon.
Sanada is safe and sound inside the house. But his mind, his focus is outside circling the structure that that protected them now. He is worried that the wind might break through all the preparation he has made before the hurricane hit.
On TV, the reporter interviewed a fortunate citizen who still had his home.
"The town is basically destroyed. I mean, maximum damage. People are displaced. Everybody's staying at friends' houses. We have people staying with us because their house is gone."
"It's unfortunate all those people lost their homes." Sitting beside him at the low table, Yukimura's voice sounds ghostly and hollow. The voice of his subconscious,
He nodded. "Aa. Though it is a relief that they found refuge in other homes."
Sanada is secretly relieved that the Hurricane is but a few strong winds at where they were, relieved that they still had their residence.
Yukimura didn't reply to his comment, didn't smile in relief. A certain air encompassed him like a fog, making him appear more distant even though he took a seat beside him. The bluenet was strangely unfazed about the hurricane.
"The people who seek shelter after the hurricane will quickly adapt to their surroundings. Because the situation demands it from them. It does not mean they have given up their homes. If anything, they are thinking of a way, the best way, to recover what they have lost." After a period of awkward silence, Yukimura finally spoke again. In that same hollow voice.
When he turned to look beside him, Sanada sees his companion staring out the window. He sees the storm's turbulence reflected in the other's eyes of dark sea. He didn't know if it was from the squall outside or from inside of Yukimura's mind.
...
The hurricane subsided.
Their house was safe and sound. Unlike the other areas in the country, they did not lose electricity, their streets were not flooded.
The one misfortune that befell them, or rather, Yukimura, was that the garden he spent years refining ended up in a destroyed mess.
The garden had no hope of revival. Sanada knew this even though he was no gardening expert. Because Yukimura made no effort at cleaning it up, made no effort at reorganizing the setting. He merely sat on the veranda, fingers stroking slowly a large, tattered white summer blossom resting in his palm.
Yukimura stared at the mess of a garden before him.
Sanada stared at the mess of a person before him. The damage in the garden had been bad enough. But for some reason, he thought the damage his companion sustained might have been worse than the chaos in the garden.
...
Night.
They lied together on a single futon.
He wraps a work-calloused hand around Yukimura's more smooth and delicate hand in an attempt to comfort him.
Yukimura twitched as if pulled abruptly from his thoughts. He slipped his hand from Sanada's grip. Sliding towards the edge of the futon, the other turned his back to him for the first time in their three year cohabitation.
Sanada thought it to be strange. He recalled the gesture to have successfully comforted the other in the past as the other always replied with an appreciative smile whenever he cradled the other's cold hands in his warm ones.
...
Morning.
Their room littered with clothing as if a hurricane had swept through. In amid the chaos, Yukimura picked up all the clothes, shoving them into a suitcase.
He rushed over to him, placing a hand over his shoulder intending to stop him. "What are you doing, Yukimura? It's no use going out now. Most of the roads are still blocked off."
Yukimura didn't say anything. Instead, he pauses in his packing and looks at him with determination contrasting greatly from yesterday's blankness. His palm slipped from his shoulder.
Sanada was struck speechless. He knew the look too well. He had seen such a look nine years ago, in junior high when the other struggled to stand and walk beginning his rehabilitation. It meant, there was no use trying to change his mind.
Yukimura left. His sudden departure made him realize that the hurricane didn't only break homes and sever bridges, it also seemed to have ripped apart the fake content they had constructed.
Yukimura left. He wasn't sure whether the other was even coming back at all.