(no subject)
For whatever reason, I guess I never believed in the phrase that said you can't run away from your problems. At least...not until now. I've ran away from this "problem," if you want to call it that, for almost three months now. I've tried eliminating all forms of contact with this "problem" and it has gone so far that said "problem" goes to my other family members just to get his point across. That "problem" would be my father. I broke down on the phone last night while talking to Van - and every fiber in my being wished he never had to see that weak side of me. But at least through his confidence in me and my strength to live out this ordeal, I felt better when I hung up the phone and was actually able to get a decent night's sleep.
And then this morning happened. Everything was fine and normal about this morning until I stepped outside and walked over to my car, stopping dead in my tracks when I noticed an envelope wedged in between my driver-side window and its door. Going by instinct I ripped out the blade that I always carry with me just in case this was some sort of prank. I looked beneath the car and my surrounding area and no one was in sight. Knowing fully well that the envelope was not there last night, I would imagine that it was placed there very very early this morning - before 7 AM to be exact.
I made sure the envelope showed no signs of endangerment, and turned it over to read my name labeled on the front in my father's handwriting. I haven't opened it yet because I'm not so sure that whatever it may say will keep me from losing my cool at work. Perhaps during lunch I might take a look at it...I'm not sure. All I know is that this envelope is not going to stop me from writing the letter to Dad that I was talking to Van about.
If I were to try pinpointing the way I feel exactly at this moment in time...I would describe myself as ENRAGED. My facial expression is one of indifference - one of the masks I mastered as a kid to hide my true emotions...but my blood is boiling and the rush of adrenaline is far too much than I need to have at work.
My only hope is that things go well when I talk to Kris later on this morning regarding her claim that my work needs to be edited again because of a few mistakes that were made on a few policies last week (even though I was doing exactly as I was taught). I hope we can come to an understanding that there is no need to check my work now that I am aware of what went wrong and that her and I need to speak about special case scenarios when we make an exception for certain agents that we type for...
Ahhh I gotta get to work. I hope this all blows over...it has to, doesn't it? At least this summer...things will get better, right Shinobi-san? *poke poke*
...I've just been fired. I'm cleaning up my desk and I'll get back to everyone when I can - as if anyone reads these anymore.
And then this morning happened. Everything was fine and normal about this morning until I stepped outside and walked over to my car, stopping dead in my tracks when I noticed an envelope wedged in between my driver-side window and its door. Going by instinct I ripped out the blade that I always carry with me just in case this was some sort of prank. I looked beneath the car and my surrounding area and no one was in sight. Knowing fully well that the envelope was not there last night, I would imagine that it was placed there very very early this morning - before 7 AM to be exact.
I made sure the envelope showed no signs of endangerment, and turned it over to read my name labeled on the front in my father's handwriting. I haven't opened it yet because I'm not so sure that whatever it may say will keep me from losing my cool at work. Perhaps during lunch I might take a look at it...I'm not sure. All I know is that this envelope is not going to stop me from writing the letter to Dad that I was talking to Van about.
If I were to try pinpointing the way I feel exactly at this moment in time...I would describe myself as ENRAGED. My facial expression is one of indifference - one of the masks I mastered as a kid to hide my true emotions...but my blood is boiling and the rush of adrenaline is far too much than I need to have at work.
My only hope is that things go well when I talk to Kris later on this morning regarding her claim that my work needs to be edited again because of a few mistakes that were made on a few policies last week (even though I was doing exactly as I was taught). I hope we can come to an understanding that there is no need to check my work now that I am aware of what went wrong and that her and I need to speak about special case scenarios when we make an exception for certain agents that we type for...
Ahhh I gotta get to work. I hope this all blows over...it has to, doesn't it? At least this summer...things will get better, right Shinobi-san? *poke poke*
...I've just been fired. I'm cleaning up my desk and I'll get back to everyone when I can - as if anyone reads these anymore.