you motherfuckers don't know how to act.
hi. my, i haven't updated this in a long time.
anyway, i was kind of keeping this on the DL, but i figure there are some people out there who should know and that i was being a little selfish by keeping my problems to myself, so i guess i'll explain, but make it short and sweet.
those of you who take pleasure in other's pain, i'm sure you'll love this! yay!
but first....
Movie Stuff
a couple weeks ago, i went down to Florida for two weeks to play the lead role in Michelle's thesis film for FSU, titled "Another Sad Story", based off some material I had given her. the filming was fantastic, although my health was pretty bad during the filming - a lot of filming was done outside, in really hot weather, and only a month after my blood clot, so was a bit hard. luckily the crew was fantastic, and really, really great about the health stuff, always making sure i had water or gatorade, sugar to keep my blood sugar up, etc. - everyone was just phenomenal.
special mention to colin, meredith and tanya for being especially cool and at a point where i was nervous that i'd have no one to talk to or get along with, they were really cool and befriended me, and they're all great. note to self, e-mail them.
anyway, the filming was phenomenal (i'll post some vidcaps at the end of this entry) and came off without a hitch. my female costar, candace, was, aside from being completely gorgeous, was a pro and a great actress. i think we had great chemistry; hopefully that comes across onscreen.
and as long as the train rides up and down were (down there: supposedly 18 hours, ended up 24 hours - back up: supposedly 16 hours, ended up as 29 hours), i didn't develop any blood clots like the doctors were afraid of. and i had a great time going down on the train, i met like, a shitload of cool people and my seatmate, dolores, was awesome, she was the -only- way i made it down there. we actually talked like, the entire 24 hours on the way down.
so, it was a nice trip, just to get out of philadelphia and check out tallahassee and how different it is from up here. and it was cool to meet a lot of michelle's fellow students, they were all really cool. anyway, then i left.
Health Stuff
about a week or two later, i wake up one day and i notice that it's hard for me to breathe, and i have this pressure in my chest on the right side. it hurts a little bit, but nothing like my blood clot. i was a bit worried, but it was just more of a nusiance than anything, so i let it go. a couple days later i go in for my usual INR appointment (to refresh you, the INR is a test to determine the level of the anti-coagulation drug in my blood, which i was put on to help deter further blood clots). my INR comes back as 3.5, very high, very dangerous - could cause a hemmorhage, etc. i decided to describe my lung symptoms to the doctor that came in and saw me, and all of a sudden, she goes:
"I'm sending you to the emergency room. Now."
my reaction is just like o_O and then 20 minutes later, EMTs and a STRETCHER show up. I get on, and they take me to the ER, and really i just joked with them the whole ride, especially the girl in the back, who was really nice. to my surprise, they whisk me past triage, registration, everything, right to an er room, i get an ekg - turns out i have tachycardia, or elevated pulse rate, which is a sign of possible blood clot. they take an x-ray and catscan, and it shows that i have fluid in my right lung - actually, in the pleura.
the pleura is the space between your lung and your ribcage. you have two, one for each lung. the fluid was rapidly building up - and when i'd lie down, that was the pressure i was feeling. so now this is becoming a problem, so i get admitted. once i get up to my room, they monitor me, but the second day, there's so much fluid, and it's becoming so dangerous, they bring in the thorasic pulmonologists. essentially, the guys responsible for lung stuff. they tell me:
"The fluid is actually blood in your pleuritic space. We can't just tap this with a needle, there's too much fluid. To drain it, we're going to have to cut between your ribs and insert a chest tube which will drain the fluid."
Now, keep in mind - the earlier blood clot was my first major time in a hospital, ever. And now here I am, facing my first surgery, ever. At 24. It's just a lot to take in, but basically, if I didn't get this surgery done, the pressure from the blood in my pleura would cause my lung to collapse. don't need that.
so into surgery i go. my one nurse, Bridgette, who was a dear and took care of me most of the time, actually came in when she didn't have to just to be there for me, because they weren't knocking me out - it was getting done with local anasthetic, lidocaine. so she was there for me to squeeze her hands, keep me calm, etc. so they shove this needle deep, deep inside my right side and put the lidocaine in.
now, the procedure was to go like this:
1. make an inch and a half lengthwise and inch deep cut between two of my ribs with a scalpel.
2. use scalpel to cut through skin, muscle and fat to get to pleural space.
3. use rib spreader to spread two ribs to make room for tube.
4. make small inscision to get to pleural space.
5. insert tube which is hooked up to draining box, drain fluid.
and that is how it went, except that they didn't wait for the lidocaine to kick in. so i felt the entire scalpel cut that started the thing. so i now know what it's like to be stabbed and cut! yay! fuckers. anyway, it all went like that.
except when they went to spread my ribs, they were so strong (from so much calcium, nigga) the doctor went in with his HANDS AND SPREAD THEM LIKE THAT. MOST PAINFUL FUCKING THING IN THE WORLD. EVER. OF ALL FUCKING TIME. A MAN SPREADING YOUR RIBS WITH HIS HANDS.
i think i broke bridgette's hands. i was biting down on my belt to not scream.
luckily i have no fat on my back, so there wasn't much sawing. then they cut through to the pleural space, insert the tube, and then...
this part's gross. so if you don't want to see the palecurve in a gross light, and just want to know me as a sexy motherfucker, skip this.
as soon as the tube went in, black, half-coagulated blood SHOT OUT and through the tube and filled up the box in TWO SECONDS. the doctors scramble for another one, hook it up, and that one's filled IN ANOTHER TWO SECONDS. they get a THIRD BOX, hook that up, and it fills a third of the way, then finally stops. i look at what came out of me, and it was just this black, septic, diseased blood, parts of it gooey and coagulated into big chunks...clots everywhere, ugh. the total amount of blood in my right lung? FOUR LITRES. TWO TWO LITRE COKE BOTTLES WORTH OF BLOOD. UGH.
i felt better right away, though.
so really that was it. after my roommate was discharged, the nurses loved me so much, they actually gave me my OWN PRIVATE ROOM! it was SO GREAT. the nurses were really, really great, they really got me through it. i also met this cool nursing student, robyn, who i met through talking about my music, and now we're talking over e-mail.
after 9 days i was let out - they wanted to do a surgery to explore the pleural space and make sure everything was gone, but i declined. and my lungs are fine. they've gotten their fair share of workout from singing to using my little physical therapy breathing thing to other..such things, so it's all good. i did leave with one problem though. i kept my right arm folded above my head most of the time, because it relieved pressure off of my ribs, since it spread them just a bit - what happened was that keeping it like that caused nerve damage and actually caused my muscles in my right arm to atrophy. so currently my right shoulder is killing me, the skin on my bicep feels like it's on fire from the nerve damage, and i can't lift even a ten pound weight with it whereas before i was working out like mad. it pisses me off, but i'm getting back there with a new 5 pound weight.
so, that's what happened. another hospital visit, another lung issue. oh, and remember how i was on so much blood thinning meds (25 mgs) that it was crazy? well, guess what caused my lungs to fill with blood? yep, that high level of blood thinning meds. so now i'm on lovenox, which are syringes that i shoot up in my stomach intramuscularly once a day. doesn't hurt at all.
i'm hoping this is the last lung issue.
physically, i'm ready, mentally, i'm getting there, but...i'm quitting smoking. someone really wants me to and i promised that person i would, and i don't break my promises to that person.
the end.
Music Stuff
things are pushed back a bit, so obviously the EP isn't coming out in August, but it'll be out shortly. palecurve clothing will be out before that. tentative release date for FOTW is looking like december of 2006 or january, followed by a small batch of touring for about two months around march or april, when it's a bit warmer and i can assemble a band and practice the stuff. the setlist is looking like it's going to be a mix of everything, DTHE, FOTW, the EP, and the two Scores albums.
speaking of which, i'm scoring the thesis film for Michelle. i'll be covering two Depeche Mode songs: "Walking In My Shoes" (the extended intro live version) and "In Your Room" (the single mix from Singles 86>98). the former will serve as the main song for the film, the second will be playing on a radio in the background during a bedroom scene. in addition to that, the usual instrumentals will be present. this'll probably be released between the EP and FOTW. i'm looking for someone to help with the piano parts of WIMS, and someone for the guitar of IYR. if there's anyone who has free time and can do it (mark, guitar for IYR? i'll send you the MP3), let me know.
and if anyone reading this knows anyone who would be interested in doing a two month tour of the immediate area and a little bit up and down the east coast, let me know. i'm actually considering flying and picking up mark and addison...and i'm actually being serious here. i haven't told them, but...that would work out really well. i just need a drummer. well, anyway. enough music.
i don't know if michelle will be pissed, but here are some vidcaps from Another Sad Story, her thesis film.
Juli and Patrick
In Your Room
You Need Help; Come Back To My Place
Something's Gotta Be Left Behind
And that's all I'm gonna show. i hope you're not mad, michelle! but they just look so good!~
anyway, that's all.
i hope all of you are doing well, and everything's been fine and that you've all been living life to its fullest and are safe.
be good, everyone.
don't be a stranger!
now if you'll excuse me, i'm SITLL exhausted. bye.
anyway, i was kind of keeping this on the DL, but i figure there are some people out there who should know and that i was being a little selfish by keeping my problems to myself, so i guess i'll explain, but make it short and sweet.
those of you who take pleasure in other's pain, i'm sure you'll love this! yay!
but first....
Movie Stuff
a couple weeks ago, i went down to Florida for two weeks to play the lead role in Michelle's thesis film for FSU, titled "Another Sad Story", based off some material I had given her. the filming was fantastic, although my health was pretty bad during the filming - a lot of filming was done outside, in really hot weather, and only a month after my blood clot, so was a bit hard. luckily the crew was fantastic, and really, really great about the health stuff, always making sure i had water or gatorade, sugar to keep my blood sugar up, etc. - everyone was just phenomenal.
special mention to colin, meredith and tanya for being especially cool and at a point where i was nervous that i'd have no one to talk to or get along with, they were really cool and befriended me, and they're all great. note to self, e-mail them.
anyway, the filming was phenomenal (i'll post some vidcaps at the end of this entry) and came off without a hitch. my female costar, candace, was, aside from being completely gorgeous, was a pro and a great actress. i think we had great chemistry; hopefully that comes across onscreen.
and as long as the train rides up and down were (down there: supposedly 18 hours, ended up 24 hours - back up: supposedly 16 hours, ended up as 29 hours), i didn't develop any blood clots like the doctors were afraid of. and i had a great time going down on the train, i met like, a shitload of cool people and my seatmate, dolores, was awesome, she was the -only- way i made it down there. we actually talked like, the entire 24 hours on the way down.
so, it was a nice trip, just to get out of philadelphia and check out tallahassee and how different it is from up here. and it was cool to meet a lot of michelle's fellow students, they were all really cool. anyway, then i left.
Health Stuff
about a week or two later, i wake up one day and i notice that it's hard for me to breathe, and i have this pressure in my chest on the right side. it hurts a little bit, but nothing like my blood clot. i was a bit worried, but it was just more of a nusiance than anything, so i let it go. a couple days later i go in for my usual INR appointment (to refresh you, the INR is a test to determine the level of the anti-coagulation drug in my blood, which i was put on to help deter further blood clots). my INR comes back as 3.5, very high, very dangerous - could cause a hemmorhage, etc. i decided to describe my lung symptoms to the doctor that came in and saw me, and all of a sudden, she goes:
"I'm sending you to the emergency room. Now."
my reaction is just like o_O and then 20 minutes later, EMTs and a STRETCHER show up. I get on, and they take me to the ER, and really i just joked with them the whole ride, especially the girl in the back, who was really nice. to my surprise, they whisk me past triage, registration, everything, right to an er room, i get an ekg - turns out i have tachycardia, or elevated pulse rate, which is a sign of possible blood clot. they take an x-ray and catscan, and it shows that i have fluid in my right lung - actually, in the pleura.
the pleura is the space between your lung and your ribcage. you have two, one for each lung. the fluid was rapidly building up - and when i'd lie down, that was the pressure i was feeling. so now this is becoming a problem, so i get admitted. once i get up to my room, they monitor me, but the second day, there's so much fluid, and it's becoming so dangerous, they bring in the thorasic pulmonologists. essentially, the guys responsible for lung stuff. they tell me:
"The fluid is actually blood in your pleuritic space. We can't just tap this with a needle, there's too much fluid. To drain it, we're going to have to cut between your ribs and insert a chest tube which will drain the fluid."
Now, keep in mind - the earlier blood clot was my first major time in a hospital, ever. And now here I am, facing my first surgery, ever. At 24. It's just a lot to take in, but basically, if I didn't get this surgery done, the pressure from the blood in my pleura would cause my lung to collapse. don't need that.
so into surgery i go. my one nurse, Bridgette, who was a dear and took care of me most of the time, actually came in when she didn't have to just to be there for me, because they weren't knocking me out - it was getting done with local anasthetic, lidocaine. so she was there for me to squeeze her hands, keep me calm, etc. so they shove this needle deep, deep inside my right side and put the lidocaine in.
now, the procedure was to go like this:
1. make an inch and a half lengthwise and inch deep cut between two of my ribs with a scalpel.
2. use scalpel to cut through skin, muscle and fat to get to pleural space.
3. use rib spreader to spread two ribs to make room for tube.
4. make small inscision to get to pleural space.
5. insert tube which is hooked up to draining box, drain fluid.
and that is how it went, except that they didn't wait for the lidocaine to kick in. so i felt the entire scalpel cut that started the thing. so i now know what it's like to be stabbed and cut! yay! fuckers. anyway, it all went like that.
except when they went to spread my ribs, they were so strong (from so much calcium, nigga) the doctor went in with his HANDS AND SPREAD THEM LIKE THAT. MOST PAINFUL FUCKING THING IN THE WORLD. EVER. OF ALL FUCKING TIME. A MAN SPREADING YOUR RIBS WITH HIS HANDS.
i think i broke bridgette's hands. i was biting down on my belt to not scream.
luckily i have no fat on my back, so there wasn't much sawing. then they cut through to the pleural space, insert the tube, and then...
this part's gross. so if you don't want to see the palecurve in a gross light, and just want to know me as a sexy motherfucker, skip this.
as soon as the tube went in, black, half-coagulated blood SHOT OUT and through the tube and filled up the box in TWO SECONDS. the doctors scramble for another one, hook it up, and that one's filled IN ANOTHER TWO SECONDS. they get a THIRD BOX, hook that up, and it fills a third of the way, then finally stops. i look at what came out of me, and it was just this black, septic, diseased blood, parts of it gooey and coagulated into big chunks...clots everywhere, ugh. the total amount of blood in my right lung? FOUR LITRES. TWO TWO LITRE COKE BOTTLES WORTH OF BLOOD. UGH.
i felt better right away, though.
so really that was it. after my roommate was discharged, the nurses loved me so much, they actually gave me my OWN PRIVATE ROOM! it was SO GREAT. the nurses were really, really great, they really got me through it. i also met this cool nursing student, robyn, who i met through talking about my music, and now we're talking over e-mail.
after 9 days i was let out - they wanted to do a surgery to explore the pleural space and make sure everything was gone, but i declined. and my lungs are fine. they've gotten their fair share of workout from singing to using my little physical therapy breathing thing to other..such things, so it's all good. i did leave with one problem though. i kept my right arm folded above my head most of the time, because it relieved pressure off of my ribs, since it spread them just a bit - what happened was that keeping it like that caused nerve damage and actually caused my muscles in my right arm to atrophy. so currently my right shoulder is killing me, the skin on my bicep feels like it's on fire from the nerve damage, and i can't lift even a ten pound weight with it whereas before i was working out like mad. it pisses me off, but i'm getting back there with a new 5 pound weight.
so, that's what happened. another hospital visit, another lung issue. oh, and remember how i was on so much blood thinning meds (25 mgs) that it was crazy? well, guess what caused my lungs to fill with blood? yep, that high level of blood thinning meds. so now i'm on lovenox, which are syringes that i shoot up in my stomach intramuscularly once a day. doesn't hurt at all.
i'm hoping this is the last lung issue.
physically, i'm ready, mentally, i'm getting there, but...i'm quitting smoking. someone really wants me to and i promised that person i would, and i don't break my promises to that person.
the end.
Music Stuff
things are pushed back a bit, so obviously the EP isn't coming out in August, but it'll be out shortly. palecurve clothing will be out before that. tentative release date for FOTW is looking like december of 2006 or january, followed by a small batch of touring for about two months around march or april, when it's a bit warmer and i can assemble a band and practice the stuff. the setlist is looking like it's going to be a mix of everything, DTHE, FOTW, the EP, and the two Scores albums.
speaking of which, i'm scoring the thesis film for Michelle. i'll be covering two Depeche Mode songs: "Walking In My Shoes" (the extended intro live version) and "In Your Room" (the single mix from Singles 86>98). the former will serve as the main song for the film, the second will be playing on a radio in the background during a bedroom scene. in addition to that, the usual instrumentals will be present. this'll probably be released between the EP and FOTW. i'm looking for someone to help with the piano parts of WIMS, and someone for the guitar of IYR. if there's anyone who has free time and can do it (mark, guitar for IYR? i'll send you the MP3), let me know.
and if anyone reading this knows anyone who would be interested in doing a two month tour of the immediate area and a little bit up and down the east coast, let me know. i'm actually considering flying and picking up mark and addison...and i'm actually being serious here. i haven't told them, but...that would work out really well. i just need a drummer. well, anyway. enough music.
i don't know if michelle will be pissed, but here are some vidcaps from Another Sad Story, her thesis film.
Juli and Patrick
In Your Room
You Need Help; Come Back To My Place
Something's Gotta Be Left Behind
And that's all I'm gonna show. i hope you're not mad, michelle! but they just look so good!~
anyway, that's all.
i hope all of you are doing well, and everything's been fine and that you've all been living life to its fullest and are safe.
be good, everyone.
don't be a stranger!
now if you'll excuse me, i'm SITLL exhausted. bye.