On Monday the Pain Begins
Ok so last year i had a personal trainer that helped me out with my rapidly deteriorating body and the fact that its getting fat from back injuries i keep on getting from falling off of 40 m cliffs while leading troops, digging holes in the ground for 2 days just to fill them back in again, and crawling around in snow, water, mud, or what have you at 3 in the morning pretending that im even remotely sneaky. The personal trainer was a nice lady who showed me various stretches and exercises that helped me to recover some of my youthful vigour. She was calm and patient and when ever i fucked something up she would stop me and demonstrate the proper way to do it. It was all very nice.
But that was on an army base and now im home.
At home there are no women who talk to me or help me with my exercises. At home i have the internets and i have beer and fast food and jagger bombs. At home ive regained like 15 lbs of what i lost under the nice lady and her encouraging voice.
On monday at 6 in the morning and for everyweek day evermore i will recieve a knock at my door from a psycho ex paratrooper who likes to marathon run and enter mountain bike races for fun.
This guy who blew people up in afghanistan and was sad that he had to come home is going to drive me to the YMCA. He is then going to beat me with a large stick at the YMCA when ever i stop doing what ever it is he wants me to do for 2 hours. Then im gonna give him gas money in appreaciation for his time and drive to work with him and there work all day with him. Then at the end of the day just before it is all done we are going to do it all over again every weekday at 6 in the evening at the YMCA.
He yells he screams hes from the east coast. When he drinks he gets into fights with everybody. When he plays Dungeons and Dragons he always plays a Dwarf Warrior with a battle axe. He wants me to goto war with him next year where he says that he is going to get ME killed so that he can win the Victoria Cross. He says my fat ass would be laughed at by the Afghan fighters that we will be training. Its all very encouraging.
After completing that i get to go home and curl myself up in the fetal postion next to what ever is left over of my weightwatchers dinner and cry myself to sleep knowing that its gonna all happen again the next day.
Did i mention that he drove to my house and made me go to weightwatchers to be poked and proded by dieticians. He said "This helped my fat ass wife out a lot" and "Everything is microwavable. You will like it."
Ya this all starts Monday.. sounds like fun eh?
Soon i will be a sexy god of war again! all thanks to my boss. i love my job.
But that was on an army base and now im home.
At home there are no women who talk to me or help me with my exercises. At home i have the internets and i have beer and fast food and jagger bombs. At home ive regained like 15 lbs of what i lost under the nice lady and her encouraging voice.
On monday at 6 in the morning and for everyweek day evermore i will recieve a knock at my door from a psycho ex paratrooper who likes to marathon run and enter mountain bike races for fun.
This guy who blew people up in afghanistan and was sad that he had to come home is going to drive me to the YMCA. He is then going to beat me with a large stick at the YMCA when ever i stop doing what ever it is he wants me to do for 2 hours. Then im gonna give him gas money in appreaciation for his time and drive to work with him and there work all day with him. Then at the end of the day just before it is all done we are going to do it all over again every weekday at 6 in the evening at the YMCA.
He yells he screams hes from the east coast. When he drinks he gets into fights with everybody. When he plays Dungeons and Dragons he always plays a Dwarf Warrior with a battle axe. He wants me to goto war with him next year where he says that he is going to get ME killed so that he can win the Victoria Cross. He says my fat ass would be laughed at by the Afghan fighters that we will be training. Its all very encouraging.
After completing that i get to go home and curl myself up in the fetal postion next to what ever is left over of my weightwatchers dinner and cry myself to sleep knowing that its gonna all happen again the next day.
Did i mention that he drove to my house and made me go to weightwatchers to be poked and proded by dieticians. He said "This helped my fat ass wife out a lot" and "Everything is microwavable. You will like it."
Ya this all starts Monday.. sounds like fun eh?
Soon i will be a sexy god of war again! all thanks to my boss. i love my job.