April Fool's Day or When the Kids Attack!
While deployed in Afghanistan a buddy of mine got this e-mail from his wife on April 2nd. He recently resent it out to several of his friends and I thought you might enjoy it... and YES, this is a REAL e-mail and every bit of this really DID happen. Happy April Fool's :) --Su.
-------- Original Message --------
Subject: Daddy, do you understand the depth of trouble you are in this
April Fools Day??
Date: Wed, 01 Apr 2009 19:15:29 -0700 (PDT)
From: Erin
To: Keith
No, I really don't think you quite grasp the trouble you could even possibly be in today. Before I begin on this day's events, You are to swear never to teach our children another prank, another joke, another gag...are we quite understood?? I really hope so...I thought the jumping out and scaring mom, the repeated use of the whoopee cushion, the fake snake peanuts, and a wet willy were the pranks of the day...oh no..mom was wrong.
Here is the part where DADDY (that is you) gets in trouble. Do you know that if you use a brown marker on tic tacs it looks like mice droppings?? Yeah, it does...how about when you combine that with a fake black mouse?? How about you leave a trail that leads right to MY coffee??...How about when you put said tic tacs (mouse droppings) in my coffee??? "Dad said that you can color on tic tacs"-Kenny & Mary
...STRIKE ONE FOR DAD!!!!
How about the time you did the water bucket to Donna??? Well, our son just stood behind the bathroom door until someone came in...Katie and Mac...both got wet...both were quite pissed...guess who had to deal with that???
STRIKE TWO FOR DAD!!!
How about teaching the kids to spray from the kitchen hose?? Katie did it!!!...DID I MENTION IT WAS FREAKIN COLD WATER??
STRIKE THREE FOR DAD!!!
and honestly, since it is three strikes already, you think dad would be out...but, oh no, dad is not out yet!!! Remember when you told them super glue would hold anything??? Did you mention NOT to try it on a toilet seat???
STRIKE FOUR FOR DAD!!!
Oh, yeah not to forget about the other toilet incident...KETCHUP PACKETS (Kenny to both sisters)...T-E-N of them....
STRIKE FIVE FOR DAD!!!!
Which was then repeated in full force to Kenny by both girls, only Kenny was refusing to go the bathroom, so they just took the ketchup bottle after him!!! hmm...
this should be STRIKE SIX FOR DAD!!! (even though mom grabbed said ketchup bottle as our son was headed out the front door)...
Katie told mom that Mac escaped outside ...mom ran outside after Mac, up and down the damn street for Mac, was about to start crying when Mac could not be found, and then Katie opened the door and said "April Fools MOM!!!"...YES! I know you never taught them that, but the way she said it was EXACTLY like YOU say it, therefore...it is your fault...
STRIKE SEVEN FOR DAD!!!!
And though, you may not have taught them this one either...hairspraying the tissue together is NOT cool! ...but, it IS something YOU WOULD DO!!
STRIKE EIGHT FOR DAD!!!!!
(plus they are their father's children through and freakin through)...
Remember last summer when you showed all three of them how to poke a pin hole in a water balloon?? ....Kenneth Wallace (YOUR SON!!!) filled water balloons this morning and placed them under the girls sheets...he wanted them to think they peed the bed....only he didn't think about the balloon being left there...both girls were livid...I literally had to save our son from the grasps of his sisters...in this moment you should be thankful for your son! So, as I am making him remake the girls beds and take down their bedding...they sneak up a 20 oz bottle of honey, (that I just got from Sams on Monday) and pour it on his sheets. Mary starts her evil woody woodpecker laugh...I thought it was b/c Kenny had to help clean up the mess he made...so, Kenny gets into bed and is stuck to the freakin sheets!!...DO YOU KNOW HOW STICKY HONEY IS??? DO YOU REALIZE HOW HARD HONEY IS TO CLEAN UP??? I had to take the boy into the shower and just start shower him and the sheets down to get them to release!!! (AND BELIEVE ME BABE!! AT THIS MOMENT--IF YOU ARE LAUGHING, WHICH I KNOW YOU ARE....YOU HAD BETTER STOP! B/C IT'S NOT THAT FUNNY)
STRIKE NINE & STRIKE 10 FOR DAD!!!
I asked them if there are any more pranks that haven't been pulled yet...
Mary said "Maybe..but, I forgot all of them."
Katie "Yes!! I hid your coffee for tomorrow mom!"
Kenny "Um, well, if I say yes mom...will you be mad?"
Me to Katie "Where is my coffee??"
Katie "In the dishwasher."
Me to Kenny "Just tell me now son, or you will be on the next plane to your father..."
Kenny "Well, I do want to see dad."
Me to Kenny "Kenneth Wallace!"
Kenny, "yeah, yeah,...um, don't be mad."
Me to Kenneth.."Kenneth..."
Kenneth "Well that stinky stuff dad got me in the magic kit...."
Me (on the inside going OH GOD NOW WHAT!!)
"it's on your pillow...and mom, it really does stink. I am sorry you cleaned all over the house, but it was just your pillow....your not mad, right mom.............. mom............ mom........ I am in trouble right mom?"
MOM IS SILENT!!! WHY!! B/C MY PILLOW STINKS!!!
At first, I thought it was our house ...so I bleached everything. Then I thought, maybe it's the plant again!!! but, it wasn't ..it was YOUR son!!! So, now...that pillow that used to be mine...is now ha ha YOURS!! You will think twice next time you buy Kenny a magic kit...right?!
So, that is now what STRIKE 11 AND 12 FOR DAD!!!
Oh but that, love of my life, is not the kicker...that is NOT THE BEST ONE pulled today!! oh no no no no no..... This one, it has to be b/c they have YOUR GENES!!! They locked me out of my t.v.!!! I missed my show!!! Like I watch that much tv anyway!! I had to call comcast and have them unlock it for me. First, I sounded too much like a little girl and they didn't believe I was the mother!!! Second, when they finally believed I was the mother... I had to explain that YOUR children locked me out of the tv b/c it was April Fools Day!!! The guy on the other end ....he said it was one of the best he had heard...oh yeah I'm sure it freakin was, but I am guessing he'll get to watch his favorite show! ...which by the way, he did tell me it would be repeated on fancast!!! Oh son of a bleep, hon...REALLY!!!! See, you know I used to love April Fools Day, but between you and our children... SERIOUSLY!!!.... SERIOUSLY!!!!....
I am so tired and thankful that this day is OVER!!! Oh, but Mary did say that April Fools Day is not over until midnight...I swear honey, I love you...I really really truly do...you are my soul mate...but, if one more thing happens....you'd better be stepping off that plane with a "cup"
By the way, I really hope you have a good day.....hmmm....yeah....I do mean it.
KISS KISS HUG HUG
Erin
----------
She calmed down during the following 6 months before I came home.
-------- Original Message --------
Subject: Daddy, do you understand the depth of trouble you are in this
April Fools Day??
Date: Wed, 01 Apr 2009 19:15:29 -0700 (PDT)
From: Erin
To: Keith
No, I really don't think you quite grasp the trouble you could even possibly be in today. Before I begin on this day's events, You are to swear never to teach our children another prank, another joke, another gag...are we quite understood?? I really hope so...I thought the jumping out and scaring mom, the repeated use of the whoopee cushion, the fake snake peanuts, and a wet willy were the pranks of the day...oh no..mom was wrong.
Here is the part where DADDY (that is you) gets in trouble. Do you know that if you use a brown marker on tic tacs it looks like mice droppings?? Yeah, it does...how about when you combine that with a fake black mouse?? How about you leave a trail that leads right to MY coffee??...How about when you put said tic tacs (mouse droppings) in my coffee??? "Dad said that you can color on tic tacs"-Kenny & Mary
...STRIKE ONE FOR DAD!!!!
How about the time you did the water bucket to Donna??? Well, our son just stood behind the bathroom door until someone came in...Katie and Mac...both got wet...both were quite pissed...guess who had to deal with that???
STRIKE TWO FOR DAD!!!
How about teaching the kids to spray from the kitchen hose?? Katie did it!!!...DID I MENTION IT WAS FREAKIN COLD WATER??
STRIKE THREE FOR DAD!!!
and honestly, since it is three strikes already, you think dad would be out...but, oh no, dad is not out yet!!! Remember when you told them super glue would hold anything??? Did you mention NOT to try it on a toilet seat???
STRIKE FOUR FOR DAD!!!
Oh, yeah not to forget about the other toilet incident...KETCHUP PACKETS (Kenny to both sisters)...T-E-N of them....
STRIKE FIVE FOR DAD!!!!
Which was then repeated in full force to Kenny by both girls, only Kenny was refusing to go the bathroom, so they just took the ketchup bottle after him!!! hmm...
this should be STRIKE SIX FOR DAD!!! (even though mom grabbed said ketchup bottle as our son was headed out the front door)...
Katie told mom that Mac escaped outside ...mom ran outside after Mac, up and down the damn street for Mac, was about to start crying when Mac could not be found, and then Katie opened the door and said "April Fools MOM!!!"...YES! I know you never taught them that, but the way she said it was EXACTLY like YOU say it, therefore...it is your fault...
STRIKE SEVEN FOR DAD!!!!
And though, you may not have taught them this one either...hairspraying the tissue together is NOT cool! ...but, it IS something YOU WOULD DO!!
STRIKE EIGHT FOR DAD!!!!!
(plus they are their father's children through and freakin through)...
Remember last summer when you showed all three of them how to poke a pin hole in a water balloon?? ....Kenneth Wallace (YOUR SON!!!) filled water balloons this morning and placed them under the girls sheets...he wanted them to think they peed the bed....only he didn't think about the balloon being left there...both girls were livid...I literally had to save our son from the grasps of his sisters...in this moment you should be thankful for your son! So, as I am making him remake the girls beds and take down their bedding...they sneak up a 20 oz bottle of honey, (that I just got from Sams on Monday) and pour it on his sheets. Mary starts her evil woody woodpecker laugh...I thought it was b/c Kenny had to help clean up the mess he made...so, Kenny gets into bed and is stuck to the freakin sheets!!...DO YOU KNOW HOW STICKY HONEY IS??? DO YOU REALIZE HOW HARD HONEY IS TO CLEAN UP??? I had to take the boy into the shower and just start shower him and the sheets down to get them to release!!! (AND BELIEVE ME BABE!! AT THIS MOMENT--IF YOU ARE LAUGHING, WHICH I KNOW YOU ARE....YOU HAD BETTER STOP! B/C IT'S NOT THAT FUNNY)
STRIKE NINE & STRIKE 10 FOR DAD!!!
I asked them if there are any more pranks that haven't been pulled yet...
Mary said "Maybe..but, I forgot all of them."
Katie "Yes!! I hid your coffee for tomorrow mom!"
Kenny "Um, well, if I say yes mom...will you be mad?"
Me to Katie "Where is my coffee??"
Katie "In the dishwasher."
Me to Kenny "Just tell me now son, or you will be on the next plane to your father..."
Kenny "Well, I do want to see dad."
Me to Kenny "Kenneth Wallace!"
Kenny, "yeah, yeah,...um, don't be mad."
Me to Kenneth.."Kenneth..."
Kenneth "Well that stinky stuff dad got me in the magic kit...."
Me (on the inside going OH GOD NOW WHAT!!)
"it's on your pillow...and mom, it really does stink. I am sorry you cleaned all over the house, but it was just your pillow....your not mad, right mom.............. mom............ mom........ I am in trouble right mom?"
MOM IS SILENT!!! WHY!! B/C MY PILLOW STINKS!!!
At first, I thought it was our house ...so I bleached everything. Then I thought, maybe it's the plant again!!! but, it wasn't ..it was YOUR son!!! So, now...that pillow that used to be mine...is now ha ha YOURS!! You will think twice next time you buy Kenny a magic kit...right?!
So, that is now what STRIKE 11 AND 12 FOR DAD!!!
Oh but that, love of my life, is not the kicker...that is NOT THE BEST ONE pulled today!! oh no no no no no..... This one, it has to be b/c they have YOUR GENES!!! They locked me out of my t.v.!!! I missed my show!!! Like I watch that much tv anyway!! I had to call comcast and have them unlock it for me. First, I sounded too much like a little girl and they didn't believe I was the mother!!! Second, when they finally believed I was the mother... I had to explain that YOUR children locked me out of the tv b/c it was April Fools Day!!! The guy on the other end ....he said it was one of the best he had heard...oh yeah I'm sure it freakin was, but I am guessing he'll get to watch his favorite show! ...which by the way, he did tell me it would be repeated on fancast!!! Oh son of a bleep, hon...REALLY!!!! See, you know I used to love April Fools Day, but between you and our children... SERIOUSLY!!!.... SERIOUSLY!!!!....
I am so tired and thankful that this day is OVER!!! Oh, but Mary did say that April Fools Day is not over until midnight...I swear honey, I love you...I really really truly do...you are my soul mate...but, if one more thing happens....you'd better be stepping off that plane with a "cup"
By the way, I really hope you have a good day.....hmmm....yeah....I do mean it.
KISS KISS HUG HUG
Erin
----------
She calmed down during the following 6 months before I came home.