I want to be a Mind Bank
More than realized, which I have many times before, I have internalized the fact that knowledge is cheap and waiting for me.
Its becomes readily apparent when one walks into a University bookstore. Its a well organized, well categorized Labyrnthe, and the the only one Taurus anybody is fighting off is the scary old man talking to himself in the back. There is so much Knowledge. At any picking one can acquire a persons lifetime academic work and take it home with him, for the cost of 30 or 40 dollars. In the medieval ages people would sell entire estates to grab hold of a precious few tomes, and now I am gifted with the opportunity to grab more than I could read in several hundred lifetimes.
This understanding is common enough. I get that sensation everytime I walk into a Barnes and Noble. But recently I have come to shed my desensitized outlook when I experience one of these. Now, rather than saying "Oh shit, its a lot of books." it has become "This is pretty damn impressive." I think this new outlook is partly a realization of my aging. I am coming to terms with getting older (I hit 20, no longer a child numerically), and so am unconciously realizing that I am not going to get to the things I see. As a child the unconcious response to such a wealth of information, i my case at least, is "ill get to it eventually." But that weak shield of rationalization is no longer apparent, as I fully realize and comprehend the fact that I will never absorb all that I want.
And in knowing this my urge for this imbibement is even stronger. I feel the need to learn things, that I am racing against the slow deteriotation of my mental plasticity to gather all the great ideas that have been transmitted though the works in front of me. It is becomes a strongly, instinctively selfish desire. I want to hoard. But I am not hoarding something physical, money etc. I want to hoard knowledge, just be a massive collecting bin for useful, sometimes not useful, information. The nice thing about collecting ideas is that, while you have it, someone else can have it too, and in both minds it is still a useful venture. Due to the egalitarian nature of this construct, it is best to transmit information rather than just keep it. I want to be a source of information, something that can disseminate to those who need it.
It reminds much of Lois Lowry's book The Giver. In essence I want to be a Giver, someone with a mind like a bank, storing the important memories and information that people come to in need. Of course it would be embedded in reality, in the sense that I want to transmit knowledge not memory, but the general idea the same. Physical limitations of course are not being ignored. I know I can only learn so much. In subsittuting then, my desire for buying books has come to replace or ameliorate that need. I say to myself, "Well, if I cant learn everything, if I buy the book, its mine, one step closer to me actually knowing it." For this reason, recently my desire has been to create a private library for myself, a big one, a nice one. I have to admit its not always for benevolent reasons. To me, having an impressive library would be a big show off tool, the same way people show off cars and jewelry. But in my mind, a library serves a significantly deeper purpose and holds high esteem. By having a large library, I can say, "See these books, they are mine. They are my knowledge. I am the keeper of knowledge." With this keeping, I would feel powerful, as much as I would hate to acknowledge the cliche.
I wouldnt read all the books I would buy. Who can read something so extensive? But I would try. If someone, somewhere, offered a job titled Professional Book Reader, I would consider taking it. Can you imagine living your whole life absorbing what you read, your sole purpose to be a product of the literary avalanche that is being left at your doorstep? It would be Paradise. It would also be a little bit of Hell...
Its becomes readily apparent when one walks into a University bookstore. Its a well organized, well categorized Labyrnthe, and the the only one Taurus anybody is fighting off is the scary old man talking to himself in the back. There is so much Knowledge. At any picking one can acquire a persons lifetime academic work and take it home with him, for the cost of 30 or 40 dollars. In the medieval ages people would sell entire estates to grab hold of a precious few tomes, and now I am gifted with the opportunity to grab more than I could read in several hundred lifetimes.
This understanding is common enough. I get that sensation everytime I walk into a Barnes and Noble. But recently I have come to shed my desensitized outlook when I experience one of these. Now, rather than saying "Oh shit, its a lot of books." it has become "This is pretty damn impressive." I think this new outlook is partly a realization of my aging. I am coming to terms with getting older (I hit 20, no longer a child numerically), and so am unconciously realizing that I am not going to get to the things I see. As a child the unconcious response to such a wealth of information, i my case at least, is "ill get to it eventually." But that weak shield of rationalization is no longer apparent, as I fully realize and comprehend the fact that I will never absorb all that I want.
And in knowing this my urge for this imbibement is even stronger. I feel the need to learn things, that I am racing against the slow deteriotation of my mental plasticity to gather all the great ideas that have been transmitted though the works in front of me. It is becomes a strongly, instinctively selfish desire. I want to hoard. But I am not hoarding something physical, money etc. I want to hoard knowledge, just be a massive collecting bin for useful, sometimes not useful, information. The nice thing about collecting ideas is that, while you have it, someone else can have it too, and in both minds it is still a useful venture. Due to the egalitarian nature of this construct, it is best to transmit information rather than just keep it. I want to be a source of information, something that can disseminate to those who need it.
It reminds much of Lois Lowry's book The Giver. In essence I want to be a Giver, someone with a mind like a bank, storing the important memories and information that people come to in need. Of course it would be embedded in reality, in the sense that I want to transmit knowledge not memory, but the general idea the same. Physical limitations of course are not being ignored. I know I can only learn so much. In subsittuting then, my desire for buying books has come to replace or ameliorate that need. I say to myself, "Well, if I cant learn everything, if I buy the book, its mine, one step closer to me actually knowing it." For this reason, recently my desire has been to create a private library for myself, a big one, a nice one. I have to admit its not always for benevolent reasons. To me, having an impressive library would be a big show off tool, the same way people show off cars and jewelry. But in my mind, a library serves a significantly deeper purpose and holds high esteem. By having a large library, I can say, "See these books, they are mine. They are my knowledge. I am the keeper of knowledge." With this keeping, I would feel powerful, as much as I would hate to acknowledge the cliche.
I wouldnt read all the books I would buy. Who can read something so extensive? But I would try. If someone, somewhere, offered a job titled Professional Book Reader, I would consider taking it. Can you imagine living your whole life absorbing what you read, your sole purpose to be a product of the literary avalanche that is being left at your doorstep? It would be Paradise. It would also be a little bit of Hell...