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[kungfutofu]

In my current spiritual limbo and process of detoxing bad faith... it is just frustrating at times. Not sure if I should call out to ( ) or not, because it all seem so redundant and just further expose the selfish intentions of my own heart. Had a good chat with a pastor friend, I felt a little frustrated at times to not being able to properly articulate the struggles I feel in my heart. Basically I know economic shit is hitting the fan in astronomical proportion around the world. I am feeling anxious about my future. But I don't have the confidence like others that can just "kum-ba-yah" their way to peace, or just give a middle finger to the world and ( ) and resign to whatever fate lies ahead. My Christian mates tries to comfort me with lines I am very familiar and once took great comfort in, "( ) will never leave you nor forsake you." But ( ) has also "allowed" the same people that is crying out to ( ) to go through some terrible shit. I want to be spared from anxiety and possible future misery... but why should I think that I should be spared and others allowed to go through it? I think there is a lot of self-centeredness that has been cultivated in my history of faith. I need some rethinking. I need to go and mow another crop circle.

A spiritual guru that I still enjoy listens to (without wanting to smash walls or death by cringing) is Richard Rohr. I was pretty blown away the first time I read "Everything Belongs". I find a homilies that he did recently titled "What would you do if all the externals were taken away?" resonating. This phase could be a learning curve, a process of learning and unlearning. We'll see.

A song that moves me in a "Breathe me" manner currently:

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Not as we
Reborn and shivering
Spat out on new terrain
Unsure, unconvincing
this faint and shaky hour

Day one, day one
Start over again
Step one, step one
I'm barely making sense
For now I'm faking it
'Til I'm pseudo-making it
From scratch, begin again
But this time I as "I"
And not as "we"

Gun-shy and quivering
Timid without a hand
Feign brave with steel intent
Little and hardly here

Day one, day one
Start over again
Step one, step one
With not much making sense
Just yet I'm faking it
'til I'm pseudo-making it
From scratch, begin again
But this time I as "I"
And not as "we"

Eyes wet,
Toward wide open freight
If God is taking bets,
I pray he wants to lose

Day one, day one
Start over again
Step one, step one
I'm barely making sense
Just yet I'm faking it
'Til I'm pseudo-making it
From scratch, begin again
But this time I as "I"
And not as "we"