hmm..
When I look back on my school, friends and basicly everything I stood for it leaves me stumped. All through elementary and junior high, even grade 10 I had the stick it to ya attitude, tell it like it is. And now, I find myself reading a newspaper in the Library by myself quietly. School is becoming a struggle. I have "aquaintances" sure. And I much appreciate there friendly "hellos" and "goodbyes" since it makes me feel like im still visible. My group that once respected who I was, has slowly dwindled down to Brianna, and Devin. And sadly they can't be around to keep my sanity all of the time. For instance, this week she was sick. And ive never felt so alone. As soon as the bell rings, I run for my vehicle just to avoid someone seeing me..alone. I feel so soicially challenged. I would give anything just to be a part of something agian, to laugh with friends or just stand quietly with a few. Did I set myself up for this? Maybe what society needed was for me to keep my mouth shut about how I truly feel, rather than avoid hurting someones feelings. But now it's too late for me. Ive slowly become the student with nothing but a book for a friend. But Ive also asked myself, is it better to be myself and miserable, or someone completely different and be "happy"? It seems its working for everone else. If there has been anyone out there that ive walked past, or blown off in my "dark" years as I like to call them because Ididn't feel the need to talk to. Im sorry, Ive never felt your pain as much as I do now. Im finally the victim of Social disasters. When I look back on my so called happiest years of my life, I guess i'll have to avoid telling my children about the year I was invisible. No one.